In laws at christmas

[Oliverogers]

My in laws are extremely generous with my children at Christmas which is great, the kids get expensive gifts that they would not otherwise receive. However the whole gift giving becomes a bit of a performance. They give the kids smaller (still very reasonable) gifts and pretend that they have received all of their gifts and the kids say their thank yous etc. Then when it's all done there will be a grand reveal that actually there is a huge present hiding in another room. I think this toys with the kids and teaches them not to be as thankful for smaller gifts they might receive because there is always a bigger more expensive present waiting for them - which 9 times out of 10 there won't be when it is anyone else giving them gifts. They do this if they ever give them money too - give them a fiver which they will be very grateful for and then laugh and say not really and give them another fiver. A fiver is enough and I don't want the kids to then think a fiver is not a very nice treat.

AIBU to ask them to tone down the performance when I know their heart is in the right place and they just want to make the kids happy?

I do see your point but YABU if you say something I think, it'll sound petty. Pick your battles.

Aahh they're just enjoying their grandchildren - id leave it as others are allowed to create memories too

OK thank you for your responses, I am obviously overthinking this one! I'll sit back and enjoy the performance 🤣

It's just a bit of fun - I bet the kids love it!

I can definitely see why you don’t like it, but I think I’d just let it go. You don’t say how old your kids are, but I suspect they are/will soon be wise to the whole performance and are aware that this is just how their grandparents do things and that they can play along. I don’t think they’ll expect it from anyone else who gives them gifts. Kids do understand that different people have their different ways of doing things.

I’d let it go too.

Or if I was really worried my kids might not show gratitude to presents, expecting a second present, I’d probably raise it with my children, being sure to remind them to be thankful, and if older, pointing out it’s only X and Y who do encore gifts.

I can see both sides of this.

On the one hand, the in laws love their grandchildren and enjoy treating them.

On the other hand, if they keep playing these "jokes", your dc might come to think that if someone gives them a small and perfectly nice present, then that gift is just the starter present and the giver is about to give them a bigger, more expensive one.

Well to be honest they’ll understand it GP that do this and not you or anyone else! At some point they’ll go ‘yeah … where’s the bigger gift - or give me the other £5 !! And the GP’s will see it for themselves.

If fact depending on the children’s ages I’d point it out to them! Ah you know nanny has got you a big gift - I wonder where it’s hiding this year…. And let the kids make the fireworks! They’ll soon stop doing it.

@10HailMarys has it.

Basically kids aren’t daft and they’ll know when the woman next door hands them a chocolate reindeer there isn’t going to be a life-size one waiting in the back lobby. I think my issue with it is that it’s sort of making a mockery of ‘small’ gifts and is as such a little tone-deaf but seems way more likely to mildly annoy/perplex observing adults than damage your children in any way.

I was wondering how old they are too OP.

There's only a few years when kids are young enough to do this sort of thing with before they start expecting it and then it loses it's surprise value.

Thanks everyone your views are really helpful. The kids are 10 and 12 so think you are right - by now they are old enough to know this is just a GP thing. I was overthinking so will not say anything and let them all enjoy it. Have a lovely Xmas all!

My children are incredibly spoilt by my in-laws. My in-laws don't live nearby so often send parcels in the post for birthdays, Christmas, Easter etc. They've always had the tradition of giving gifts to all of the children for birthdays so my children end up getting presents three times a year for birthdays (as there are three of them) and for Christmas. It's extremely kind and I'm incredibly grateful but at the same time it gets overwhelming. Me and the OH find ourselves opening the presents before the children and sifting out the ones we are going to put to the side. For the last birthday, 4 boxes arrived. OH was so embarrassed he wanted me to open the door to the postman. He won't say anything to his parents and I understandably won't but it's getting difficult. We have boxes of unopened toys which OH says we should just donate to the charity shop. Whilst I'm all for giving to charity, I feel like it's so wasteful all of the money being spent when it could go into their savings accounts and help them in the future. Any advice or thoughts would be appreciated 😊