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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To desperately ask for some moral support

42 replies

Historyspabd · 16/12/2023 08:59

Single parent to ds 14 months. His dad pops up most weekends and does help but it’s always to suit him so he absolutely wouldn’t be around to help me if needed. I’ve had some sort of cold/virus since Monday (confirmed it’s not treatable with antibiotics apparently). Ds has too but less affected and aside from some extra waking hasn’t really been unwell. His eyes were streaming but that’s stopped now.

I don’t know how I’ve coped with nursery run, caring for him and work. I feel broken. I do feel slightly better this morning but my head is banging and I’m still coughing. I’ve had to put the tv on for ds the last two hours and I really don’t know how I’m going to last the day. Feel so guilty. He doesn’t deserve this. I can barely speak my throat hurts still. I’m so sad. There’s nobody to help at all. Friends all busy and family away.

OP posts:

escapethemaze · 16/12/2023 09:01

taken any paracetamol?

beastlyslumber · 16/12/2023 09:03

You poor thing. Focus on getting better. If that means telly on and under a duvet all day, that's fine. Your kid will not be suffering from a day of cartoons.

Hope you feel much better soon x

VickyEadieofThigh · 16/12/2023 09:04

If it keeps DS happy, keep the TV on. I wouldn't worry about that - needs must right now.

I wish I could help more but I'm not a parent; others will be along to do so, though.

I hope you feel better soon.

ssd · 16/12/2023 09:04

please dont be so hard on yourself, you are doing your best. Remember to be kind to yourself when it feels like no one else is. I wish i could give you a big hug.

ectoone · 16/12/2023 09:04

Feel so guilty. He doesn’t deserve this.

You are massively over reacting, probably because you feel so crappy. Your DC will be fine. Take the time you need to relax and recover, your child won't suffer because of this.

Original poster

Historyspabd · 16/12/2023 09:05

I just feel it’s damaging him watching this but I can barely talk to him. His dad is meant to be here tomorrow so I’m hoping I can do a bit less but today feels so so long

OP posts:

Original poster

Historyspabd · 16/12/2023 09:06

@ectoone ok thank you

OP posts:

Funkyslippers · 16/12/2023 09:07

Ah I do feel for you. There's been many times I've felt like shit and had to look after 2 DDS on my own. Why don't you see how you feel later and take him for a little walk & get yourself a nice drink? The fresh air & exercise will do you good

SausageChopsBellyFlops · 16/12/2023 09:08

I've been there and I absolutely sympathise with you.

For today just dose yourself up on whatever you're taking, stick ds in front of the TV and just do whatever is easier for yourself, if that means ds having lots of snacks and watching paw patrol on repeat then so be it.

Do the absolute bare minimum so you can rest. Don't push yourself because then you'll be ill for longer.

Hope you feel better soon op.

CornishPorsche · 16/12/2023 09:08

Right, have twenty mins of being practical then wallow all you want and need.

Paracetamol, calpol etc - dose yourselves up properly. If you have none, can you get it? Uber delivery, amazon Morrisons delivery, local Spar on Snappy Shopper, whatever?

Vitamin C - any fruit or fruit juice for you both?

Food - get something warm into you both. Porridge? Cereal or toast plus a warm drink?

Washing - wash everyone's face and hands or have a bath / shower if you can. Hot water will also help with your cough and sore throat.

Then get back on the sofa and watch whatever crap you need to to survive. Plenty to drink, stay on top of painkillers.

SmartiesAndFlakes · 16/12/2023 09:08

Your DS will love having unlimited tv all day, and won’t be remotely adversely affected by this! So pl don’t worry about that at all. He won’t remember by next week, let alone suffer long term.

So sorry you are unwell - sounds horrible. Focus on yourself and rest. x

Northsideoftheriver · 16/12/2023 09:12

I've been there, it's unpleasant. I have had to lie on the sofa with a duvet, when I really should have been in hospital, trying to keep my DCs safe and fed. Put the TV on. Take meds if you can. Set the bar low, it's ok, you're ill with no help.

Don't overthink it. You're doing your best.

MilkChocolateCookie · 16/12/2023 09:14

Don't feel guilty OP! A day in front of the telly won't damage him at all. Hope you feel better soon.

Original poster

Historyspabd · 16/12/2023 09:14

Thank you so much. My main worry is I’m barely speaking to ds because of my throat. Can’t believe how much this has wiped me out, I don’t tend to get colds at all. I wish I could explain to him why I’m quiet.

OP posts:

SisterDisaster · 16/12/2023 09:15

Oh I feel for you. I've had that cold... and I'm a single parent (widowed) BUT my DCs are teens and could look after themselves, and help me.
I don't think there's much worse than trying to look after a 14 month old when you are ill yourself- after a week at work.

Does the dad know just how ill you are?Would any of his family- his siblings or parents be able to help in any small way today. ASK for help.
A few days with loads of tv will do no harm whatsoever to your child.
Keep telling yourself the cold will be over soon. It's temporary. You will get back to full health soon. It's just a few days to get through.

When you're better, think longer term and have s plan for what you'll do if something similar happens again. Can you have a couple of short sessions with a babysitter, so you all get to know each other, and then in an emergency, you'd have someone to help? Best of luck. It's shit isn't it.

Unescorted · 16/12/2023 09:15

There is nothing to feel guilty about. You are feeling rubbish and he is living his best life watching kids TV, pottering with his toys and having his mum close by.

itsgoingtobeabumpyride · 16/12/2023 09:19

I'm late 50s, the TV was practically our babysitter when I was a child, the telly was always on, both my parents worked full time and had four DC.
I'm a completely normal, well rounded adult, the TV didn't do me or my dsisters any harm.
Your little one will not be damaged by a day of watching the telly.
Get yourself on the sofa under a duvet, don't cook, don't try to tidy up, feed yourself and DC snacks.
Get some paracetamol down you and try to doze.
Happy duvet day!
Hope you feel better soon.

mynameiscalypso · 16/12/2023 09:23

A few days of low key hanging out at home is not going to damage your child at all. I had a massive flare up of a chronic condition when DS was the same age and I spent a couple of weeks mainly just watching him potter around from the sofa/dozing. I couldn't interact with him much and could barely move. He was fine! He learnt the alphabet from the TV! Feel better soon

Original poster

Historyspabd · 16/12/2023 09:27

@SisterDisaster he wouldn’t care. We are civil for ds but he is an extremely self centred person. I haven’t even bothered telling him, there would be no point.

i am usually quite energetic and I feel sad I’m missing playing with ds but I know I need to remember it will pass eventually. I’ve just worked out I’m due on too so that’s a lovely addition to it all!!!

OP posts:

Dragonice · 16/12/2023 09:28

Oh poor you. I was in a similar situation many times when my dc were little and not well. I remember feeling really guilty as I lay on the sofa and they were glued to the TV (sometimes not just for a couple of hours at a time, but one time when I had norovirus, for a couple of days! 🙈) But they are perfectly happy, well rounded teens now.

I also remember dragging myself to the shop, buying pastries, sausage rolls, fruit and other snacks, and putting it all on the coffee table in the living room by the TV. The dc just grazed all day rather than me having to cook!

ChillysWaterBottle · 16/12/2023 09:29

It's absolutely awful having to look after little ones when you're ill. You have all my sympathy. Dose up on stuff yourself and do not worry about watching telly - there's no evidence that watching telly when you're ill has any detrimental effect on a baby. Maybe stick ms Rachel on. If you feel up to it, break it up so you don't feel guilty - have a shower together, have a short walk to the shops to get something nice, go sit in the bedroom for 20 mins. But don't stress at all. You're doing great in a rubbish situation, which will pass x x x x

Gladrags1234 · 16/12/2023 09:30

Mum of adults here and I remember having days like that. Your little one won't suffer. Wise words from other mums upthread. Lemsip or Beechams max is the go-to here with a nasty bug like that. Lots of fluids don't forget.
You can communicate with touch if talking hurts too much.
If it makes you feel better, see it as modelling good self care!

Have you tried contacting DS' dad?

I hope you feel better soon xx

Gladrags1234 · 16/12/2023 09:31

Sorry @Historyspabd cross posted and didn't see the dad update 💐

NameChange259 · 16/12/2023 09:33

On my worst days with the kids I remember they have EIGHTEEN YEARS to mature - one or two days of shit doesn’t count at all.

and I wouldn’t count your day as shit - but if you do so be it. Just remember that he won’t remember

Pancake1203 · 16/12/2023 09:53

I had to have a tv day with my little boy yesterday because I just couldn’t do anything else. He absolutely loved it and as everyone else has said, it wont do any harm and you just need to do what you need to do to allow yourself to get better! Hope you’re feeling better soon!

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