Promoted.. already have issue with one colleague

[1982mommaof4]

I have worked for the company the same amount of time as my colleague. We have worked on the same projects in the past, there have been a few communication issues. Fast forward we have both applied for a promotion and I got the position.

It is clear my colleague is unhappy, I have been in the role for a week and they are already being challenging.

I'm looking for tips on how to manage this as sensitively as possible!

I tend to ask but I'm not dealing with people trying to undermine me. I have had a few occasions where I have got rid of people (eg told person recruiting that I refused to ever work with this sulky rude woman who had previously been a temp ever again and have been responsible in a very unfortunate situation for somebody being fired). I have had a very blunt talk to somebody who tried to undermine me in front of a team member - told her that she could say what she liked to me but never in front of a team member ever again. The key thing is to be pleasant but not eager to be liked. I treat people who work hard and are team players very well in terms of salary, preferred work types, training, flexible hours and so on so I'm not some kind of ogre.

I think its really hard to be promoted over your old colleagues and have to be their boss. Simple fix to this is precision as said above, refuse to accept wishy washy language like 'in due course', you need to set the deadline when you ask things, you've got a ship to run here, cant be waiting indefinitely to have meetings. At my place if you miss a meeting itd be very frowned upon unless ypu had a brilliant excuse and you'd be left out, left behind, tough titties!

Yup... big girl pants on. No more emails allows her to avoid. Ask her directly, and just wait for the response you need. Silence is more effective than words. It will be uncomfortable but when you have done it once it gets easier.

This is probably galling for her so she needs to chose how she handle it. Its not personal towards you, she has just been told she is not good enough.

You need to find your assertiveness. Its a key skill and not "bossy", "confrontational" or "aggressive".

Shes being passive aggressive and is in fact showing you up as being weak and ineffective for the role. Find your balls and your voice or you may find her intention is to get you fired/demoted, and her moved into the position.

Don't take this shit. Take the stance in your mind that it's better to be thought of by her as a bit bossy, than for your bosses to think of you as weak and not right for the promotion.

She also worked hard for the position.

Think how she must be feeling. Think what you would do if the shoe were on the other foot and your wounds were still raw.

One great piece of advice I was given is that as manager, you can be friendly to you subordinates but you are not their friend.
Yours is a perfect example why. You are in your 1st senior role and you want to be liked; however, bending over backwards to accommodate 1 person will have the whole team resnting you, or they and 'ms annoying' will take the piss.
It is hard, but look at other sucessful managers and how they work. Interestingly, many sports team managers work (Postacoglu being good example) in such a way, as do many hierachical professions

It is the lot of a manager to be moaned about, and you will never please all of the team all ofvthe tome.
so don't tie yourself in knots; draw your lines, stick to the, deal with transgressors.
Good luck!

OP, you're trying to be kind by asking for things when you should simply state them. I understand why, but it has the opposite of the desired effect. She won't feel less rejected by you asking her for details that you should decide on. She'll feel like she's being asked to make your decisions despite having been rejected for the decision maker's role. You can't share being the boss with her. Just politely tell her when to turn up for the meeting.

She's bound to feel a bit sore just now. Don't heap additional pressure on her. Just let her get over it in her own time.

Deal with it empatheticaply but directly asap.
State don't ask your business need.

Also...
advise your big boss you are getting pushback but dealing with it. It's a FYI not a "mummy /daddy please help me" message.

They should be aware so they don't inadvertently do something that helps jealous colleague undermine you or make life harder.

A resource I found useful as a new manager is Ask a Manager website (and podcast?) by Alison Green. She offers advice on handling common problems like this in very straightforward, practical way.

You seem to be trying to manage by consensus, asking when your team could kindly agree to attend your meeting. You're the manager, you need to be in tell mode, just give them a date.

If you are setting up the meeting in Outlook you can look up everyone's calendar to see when they are available, no need to ask.

If she doesn't attend then discuss the plans with the team anyway, set everyone's objectives and deadlines (as required to achieve your team deadlines) including hers, and communicate to all.

Stop asking - it allows difficult people to be, well, difficult. It also creates work - following up people like your colleague, and it makes you look wishy washy, and a bit scared.

If a meeting is needed, set the meeting. If you need something doing set the task. If there needs to be a deadline, set one. If someone has a genuine need for something to be changed let THEM ask you.

You are the manager - it's your role to manage these things.

And get your team to share their calendars with you. The software will then do all the "when are we all available" for you.

I'm sorry @GreatGateauxsby but I don't think that's good advice...yet.

I think OP's colleague just needs a short bit of time to get over the rejection. They are friends too. If OP follows your advice she's marking her friend's cards with the higher management for what is likely to be a brief thing. The woman isn't even being disruptive, merely refusing to make a decision. It's a bit babyish, but probably something she'll regret in a few days time.

If it persists for a couple of months, then I'd agree. But on the evidence, it's likely very temporary and not a big deal.

Who gives a fuck about how she feels.

She is not responding to a reasonable management request to set up a meeting.

How hard is that for her to respond to the OP?

As for the OP, you need to sent a firm but polite email stating time/date of your meeting and that you expect her to attend.

If she doesnt, go down the formal route of disciplinary action for insubordination and manage her ass out. She sounds like a cunt and is very clearly acting as such.

Don’t ask, TELL.

You are the boss though

Assuming yours is not a new role, think how your manager in your previous role would do things. If that worked then it ain't broke so don't fix it, i.e. deal with the organising side in the same way.

Presumably someone has had a conversation with your colleague about why she didn't get the job and you have been told why you got it? Stop second guessing her and get on with things.

This needs to be nipped in the bud now as you haven’t started well with this lack of assertiveness and if not sorted will grow to being a bigger issue as people realise that they can get away with stuff

Your colleague is pushing their boundaries with you and you have walked right into the trap with offering alternate dates

You got the promotion and I assume in charge of the team. Time to step up. Being assertive is not the same as being bossy but also respect doesn’t come if you don’t show that you are the boss

Agree with others that this colleague is trying to be awkward and is behaving poorly.
Don't pander to them. You've been understanding to the team by asking availablity, then as a manager you make the decision and inform people what is happening. If awkward colleague is awkward, send a friendly but assertive email back confirming the meeting time and in future you'll appreciate them feeding back availability in a timely manner when asked.

A heads up to your manager that awkward colleague is being awkward but you're dealing with it might be useful too.

As long as you’re not one of those people who has meetings for the sake of it nor micromanaging someone who has worked perfectly effectively for years without needing to discuss work schedules because they manage their time well you need to set the time without opening times up to the floor.

So a couple of things I learned when I moved up a grade and had to deal with my old team.

1. Polite but firm. I need to set this up, please let me know your availability/who will be attending/have your comments by x date.

1. Ask more experienced people in similar roles for advice. They're happy to give it. I need to do x but I'm concerned so-and-so will be challenging. How would you go about it?

1. You can see people's calendars in outlook, even if you can't see what the appointments are. So just set up meetings based on their calendar availability. You can even say that in your invite. I've accommodated for diaries but if you're unable to attend then please let me knkw/send a suitable delegate.

The best managers I've had don't usually ask for availability for whole team things or mandatory things such as discussion of workload/121s etc. They send it out and if they need us to attend they respectfully ask us to reschedule or if we really can't to let them know and then they'll figure out if it needs rescheduling or if they can manage without us. They also generally give me my priorities for the year at the beginning and I get in touch with them if I need assistance before a regular get together.

It's new, you'll settle. I'm much more confident in either saying no, that doesn't work, or I need you to attend/confirm this at x time after a year in this role. It's so weird stepping up from "minion" to "senior".

My current manager is 10 years younger than me and was promoted when our boss left.

She's wonderful, the main thing I find great is she uses our team meetings to look for issues she can take up to SLT and is good at pushing back on workload etc. She's firm about requirements etc but we also feel she's got our back.

I am and that's why I am trying to be sensitive

You are enabling her to act this way.

You need to be more assertive and directive.

Check diaries and then send the diary invite.

There's being sensitive and there's allowing her to not respect your authority. Team meeting - don't give a choice or do a teams poll most votes wins.

Great advice thank you

I completely agree I need to be more assertive and set my boundaries from the start, luckily I have only been doing the role a week.

I can see where I am going wrong and need to accept that my job is to ensure the team is motivated but also that the project/ services are successful.

I also agree that I run the risk of loosing the respect of my other team members if I continue to come across as not being able to make decisions.

Really appreciate all the advice, I am determined to make this work!