To send thank you cards nearly a year late?

LittleMonstera · 2023-12-15T20:32:12+00:00

So my partner and I received many generous (and expensive) gifts for a new baby in spring this year. I had lovely photo thank you cards printed and hand wrote personal messages for every gift. All those for my side of the family and friends I posted out promptly. For my partners side all I asked for were addresses and I'd send them, weeks turned into months of me asking and I only ever got 2 addresses off him (needed about 12) which he gave me without surnames. The cards are still written and sat there in envelopes in a pile to this day. Eventually I stopped asking as it had been so many months I felt embarrassed sending them out with newborn pics and out of date messages. Recently one of his family members made a comment to me along the lines of 'don't your generation think it's necessary to say thank you anymore?' and I feel like it was a reference to the baby gifts. He said he sent texts instead but I don't know that he did. Should I send out the cards this late? Or make/write new cards and apologise for the delay? Or just leave it? It really bothers me that his family might think we're ungrateful and rude but also annoyed his laziness seems to be my responsibility.

ANightingale · 15/12/2023 20:34

I'd send them - better late than never. They might just assume you have been busy with your newborn and hopefully be understanding.

Alarum · 15/12/2023 20:34

I’m in two minds.

I wouldn’t think it that odd to receive it now - after all it’s a busy time after having a baby. So maybe send them if you’re feeling bad about it.

That said, when I’ve bought new baby gifts in the past, sometimes I’ve received a card, sometimes I haven’t, sometimes I get a text, sometimes nothing at all. I don’t really care much either way, I didn’t buy the gift for the thanks.

JaneAustensHeroine · 15/12/2023 20:36

I’d send them and enclose a note apologising for the delay. Perhaps combine it with Christmas wishes too. A delayed thank you is better than nothing at all!

carkerpartridge · 15/12/2023 20:39

I would say thank you in a nice newsy Christmas card. In future I would thank your side of the family (as you did this time) and let your partner take the responsibility for bothering (or not) with his side of the family.

CremeBrunette · 15/12/2023 20:42

I’m undecided.

I think a late thank you is better than no thank you. You’ve got the cards printed and written so it’s just getting them in the post and the addresses. I’ve kept some thank you cards for quite a while after, I only had a cull when we moved house. My mum and several family members still have the ones I sent for DD.

However, you did all the work and you literally asked him for the addresses. I’d have been tempted to tell your partner’s relative that you had some beautiful newborn photos on the thank you cards that you wrote, whilst sleep deprived and managing a newborn and so you clearly value a thank you. The reason they haven’t got it is because partner hasn’t asked for their address and maybe it’s something to do with bringing up lazy, entitled men on that side. His fault they haven’t been sent, so I think he should send the cards and send an apology that they are so late. Stop creating more admin for yourself because he’s too shit to do it himself.

Peppermint81 · 15/12/2023 20:42

I wouldn't send them now.

Send a photo card of them now maybe Xmas themed!

Dipsomaniax · 15/12/2023 20:43

Send them. Its the right thing to do not matter how much later.

I don't know why anyone would suggest otherwise

geckofrog · 15/12/2023 20:45

Send them in a Christmas card with a note apologising for your husbands uselessness and explain you send your side of the family's cards and he is responsible for his side and you're not picking up his slack in future so this is probably the last card they'll ever get unless they moan at him repeatedly and remind him as he's a man child.

justanotherparrot · 15/12/2023 20:49

Send them, with a little note explaining...better late than never. I would understand, your heart is in the right place.

Olika · 15/12/2023 20:50

CremeBrunette · 15/12/2023 20:42

I’m undecided.

I think a late thank you is better than no thank you. You’ve got the cards printed and written so it’s just getting them in the post and the addresses. I’ve kept some thank you cards for quite a while after, I only had a cull when we moved house. My mum and several family members still have the ones I sent for DD.

However, you did all the work and you literally asked him for the addresses. I’d have been tempted to tell your partner’s relative that you had some beautiful newborn photos on the thank you cards that you wrote, whilst sleep deprived and managing a newborn and so you clearly value a thank you. The reason they haven’t got it is because partner hasn’t asked for their address and maybe it’s something to do with bringing up lazy, entitled men on that side. His fault they haven’t been sent, so I think he should send the cards and send an apology that they are so late. Stop creating more admin for yourself because he’s too shit to do it himself.

This

LoreleiG · 15/12/2023 20:51

I’d send them. They are ready to go and you can say you are sorry but you did not have their addresses. But then I’ve sent massively late thank you cards before. That is life when you are a parent.

I still remember my stress levels organising sending the thank you cards for our first baby presents. The second baby did not get a personalised thank you card made of him, put it that way.

LoreleiG · 15/12/2023 20:52

CremeBrunette · 15/12/2023 20:42

I’m undecided.

I think a late thank you is better than no thank you. You’ve got the cards printed and written so it’s just getting them in the post and the addresses. I’ve kept some thank you cards for quite a while after, I only had a cull when we moved house. My mum and several family members still have the ones I sent for DD.

However, you did all the work and you literally asked him for the addresses. I’d have been tempted to tell your partner’s relative that you had some beautiful newborn photos on the thank you cards that you wrote, whilst sleep deprived and managing a newborn and so you clearly value a thank you. The reason they haven’t got it is because partner hasn’t asked for their address and maybe it’s something to do with bringing up lazy, entitled men on that side. His fault they haven’t been sent, so I think he should send the cards and send an apology that they are so late. Stop creating more admin for yourself because he’s too shit to do it himself.

Actually, I think this.

cometdancer · 15/12/2023 20:54

Send it in a xmas card and apologise for your partner not passing on the address! It’s hard work having a new baby let alone when your partner is an idiot like this!

DGHZ · 15/12/2023 21:03

I can totally feel your pain! We got married and had this then just had it again with a new baby. The thank you cards seemed to sit for so long! The ones with addresses were fine but some were local and my husband said he was going to post them, some were people we were going to see and others were people we didn’t have any way of getting addresses for. It used to eat away at me that they were still sitting there. For most of the people I knew I sent a text when we opened the present anyway. There were two people from the wedding that I still had the card for by the time the baby ones were being written. I just binned them in the end but hated that I might look rude! Genuinely such a time consuming task and for all its nice to receive some sort of acknowledgment for a gift, the amount of hassle involved in giving them out and how impersonal it actually is because everyone knows you’ve just put everyone’s names on the front of the same envelopes etc, it’s so not worth it all 🙈

My husband takes no responsibility for anything either. One of his friends and his wife had a baby in the summer and there has been a gift sitting at our front door since a few weeks later, that has only just been delivered this week after I’ve said about it literally every single day 😩 If you want something done, do it yourself it seems!

StBernie · 15/12/2023 21:05

I’d still send them and explain why you hadn’t sooner. The gifts were for both of you so even though your DH is being useless and it’s his family I still think they ought to get a thanks even if you’re the one doing it.

Sapphire387 · 15/12/2023 21:26

Signing up for wifework? Don't do it. You deal with your family, he deals with his. Don't set a precedent. This is his problem, and if anyone makes a comment you can drop him right in it and say 'oh, didn't partner thank you? he said he had.'