Just that really, AIBU?

[Strikestallulah]

Im 60. I'm a single parent and have brought up three kids with minimal input from their father. Split when kids all under 8. I have worked FT in a highly stressful job and provided almost everything for them all. Kids now 24, 22 and 18. Eldest lives in a flat share, working. Middle child dropped out of uni and refuses to get a job/ sign on for UC or do anything much. Youngest massively underachieved at A level (has a drug problem fostered by their father who gives them cannabis) says they are going to Uni next year. Not applied yet.
Now the problem. I'm exhausted. I need to reduce my working hours, physically I'm not in great health and I need to sell my home and move somewhere a bit cheaper where I can be mortgage free and thus work part time. Middle child kicking off hugely about this.
So AIBU to say - you are 21, I've done my best, you can come with me if you want but I need to do this for my health and my sanity... and (effectively) you no longer come first. If anyone has any idea how I can make a 21 year old get a job I would be very grateful. I do not give them money, do not do their washing etc, but they re living rent free, bills free ....

YANBU

Perfectly fine to tell your 21 year old he has X weeks to find a job and move out or to start paying rent. He has absolutely no right to complain.
My parents did that and I have zero complaints. My cousin, on the other hand is still unemployed and living with my granny at the age of 30.

Agree with PPs. To carry on as you are is enabling them.

YANBU! If you don’t give them money and they don’t work/claim how do they afford to live? I understand you cover bills etc but I mean spending money, seeing friends etc. Or do they just not go out/spend any money and eat all meals at home etc?

I really feel for you. How sharper than a serpents tooth etc etc. My DD went off the rails in lockdown and it was a very hard time. But she's back in uni now and working hard. I don't think it was anything I said. She had some therapy and also realised all her friends were moving on.

I think you have gone above and beyond. Does your middle child not have friends who pay rent?

I know you are tired but I would advise you to keep an eye on your youngest and nag him to apply before the uni deadline which is not far away? Young people need to be kept busy. I realise this is easy to say.

Going part time at 60 is certainly not unreasonable at all.

As you have said, do this for YOUR health and YOUR sanity. You've given everything to your children.
Can't believe your 21 year old is kicking off, how selfish of them. They are lucky you have offered them to come with you.

Why are people assuming the sex of OP's kids ?
OP explain to your children you can't keep on in the fast lane and you feel it's the time for you to slow down now .

I sympathise, OP.

My youngest DS refused to get a job, engage with college or do the admin to sign on. I couldn't afford a grown man as a dependent but didn't want to kick him out.

Fortunately for me he decided (aged 19) to move to his dad's. I miss him but it was a big relief.

He wasn't happy there, but that spurred him to seek employment and get a flat.

I wonder what I would have done had his DF not asked him to go to his. I just don't know.

Lots of PP will tell you to kick them out, but they don't appreciate how hard (emotionally and legally) that is.

Sorry that I have no good advice. Just offering a bit of single mum moral support.

I wouldn't be able to kick my DC out, tbh.
However, your DC should be kissing the ground you walk on. It appears you have done everything on your own.