Taking a break.

[ExtroIntrovert]

Dh and I have had a stressful year buying a new house, refurbishing it asap (guests visiting ) along with both of us working full time, taking care of 2 ds
( teen and 10 yrs ) and a dog.
It has been constant this year and we have had arguments on and off ,Snapped badly and he was upset ,both of us didnt bother patching up.
We are living like flatmates / roommates communicating on chat when needed/ kids request etc.
I'm ok with this arrangement and need this headspace for a while before I decide what to do next.
AiBU in having a honest discussion with DH asking for a break and then we see where things go from there or should I make an effort to make things work now ?

Houses are stressful it can put so much pressure on your relationship.
It's more of a question of, if you want to sort things out or end it really.
Has your partner tried reaching out to you?
You both do need to sit down and talk at some point as you can't carry on like this for too long , it's not nice living like that.

Yes he has tried reaching out indirectly couple of times , I wanted to talk but ended up snapping at him again 😢

Houses do this to you, we're in the exact same situation, renovating arpund fulltime work and its wrecked our mental health and relationship. I'm just grimly clinging on til we're done tbh. Then, I don't know.

You're only human , and still upset so understandable.
Maybe take a couple of days , go out somewhere to clear your head then try and talk to him then . I know it's tough but you both need to air it out as calmly as you can and go from there .

You only have to watch Grand designs to see how badly it can test couples !

I'm also in the then I don't know stage. 😕

I always find it slightly offensive when people suggest that buying a house is unendurably stressful, when there are loads of people in this country who will NEVER be in a position to buy a house, and struggle very hard to rent one.....

That wasn't aimed at you, OP.

My advice to you would be that it's a reasonable thing to suggest a break from the relationship if you feel you need it, but equally you have to be ready for him to respond, no, fuck that, I don't want to be with anybody who feels they need a break from me (that would be my position in all honesty - but your husband may feel differently.....)

Also you must, must, must agree in advance the rules of the break. Are you allowed to date others in that time, for example? What exactly does it look like in practice .....

I don't know. When I have asked for a break in the past, or a 'trial separation' - I pretty much know it's over. It feels to me that you sort of already know the answer. I do get that there's a lot of pressure that really doesn't help, but sometimes that kind of situation highlights what's wrong. That's just my opinion based on how I have felt, so not necessarily any great advice!

No I would not ask my husband for a “break” and if he asked me for a break I would consider the marriage over, I think there is no coming back from that. I think you need to make your mind up and if that means ending it then so be it, but putting him in limbo is not fair. And buying a house might be a little bit stressful but it does not typically break couples up and certainly is no justification for a trial separation.

Thank u Aprilx. I think I needed to hear that