to be upset about being left out

27 replies

Hillwalker · 15/12/2023 16:34

I moved to this village 3 years ago and, despite being very shy, have worked hard to fit in, joining things and helping out with a couple of groups. I finally got into a book group, having been told they were all full, and felt like I had found a group of people I really liked and got on with. We were due to meet next week but the host cancelled because a few people couldn’t make it. It was a Christmas meeting and we’d all bought books for Secret Santa etc. She said she’ll host in January instead. I will be away then but everyone else can make it so that’s when it is. She said she was cancelling the Christmas meeting because she wanted everyone to be there - but I won’t be there in January. I feel the Dec meeting should have gone ahead anyway and those who couldn’t make it just couldn’t make it. Many times before, a few have not made it to a meeting. I was really looking forward to it. I just feel kicked in the teeth.

OP posts:

Notmetoo · 15/12/2023 18:28

I don't think it's personal. It sounds as though more people can make the January date than the December one so of course they are going to go with that one. Organising these things are never easy. Don't let it affect your relationship with these people. As others have said perhaps see if s few of the people who could make December want to meet up still

brokenhairclips · 15/12/2023 19:36

Doingmybest12 · 15/12/2023 17:50

I'm not saying this is the case here but in any group there are usually some key people , usually not through any fault of their own . They are sometimes just the glue that bonds the group together. Things might be moved if these key people aren't there but not for others. I'm not a key person, that's OK. I think it's just part of group dynamics and you just have to go with it sometimes. Disappointing though it may be. Its not personal , its just a group thing.

I agree with you. Most probably not in this case because December/ Christmas being a busy time is most likely the reason but groups do tend to have an inner circle.

I think it's because sometimes in a slightly larger group there can be a smaller group of closer friends plus other friends. The inner group probably does stuff outside of the whole group meet ups.
I belong to a group like this. I'm not part of the inner circle, but perfectly happy because I have other close friends both outside the group and with other non inner circle group members.

I obviously would prefer to be free for a meet up, but because I never organise it I assume that those that do will have checked when their closest friends are free, and if I am I feel comfortable and welcome.

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