Children's dad has had an operation on his leg 8 weeks ago

[justmyself71]

AIBU to think that he should still do his part? My children's dad had an operation on his leg around 8 weeks ago, couldn't walk afterwards obviously so the children didn't go and stay with him much, he has a partner and a 7 month old baby, anyway... our 2 children one of them goes to a school near where I live and my our other child goes to a school a bus journey and a walk away, so of a morning I have to do 2 school runs, also in the afternoon I have to pick up my one child and get back to my other child's school to pick him up, he is saying he can't walk however he manages to go shopping picking the boys presents for Christmas videocalling me whilst he is in the shop so is clearly out, manages to go to his mums but cannot manage helping me with a school run or picking up the children when he is having them of a weekend, I just don't see why he cannot do a school run and take our one child who is in the school a bus journey away in a taxi or pick him up in a taxi once a week to help me out a bit, or AIBU?? If I had a broken leg I would still find an away to get my children to school he just seems to be milking it but if I wasn't here what would he do then? Part of me thinks I'm right but then I'm not sure

Impossible to say.
I have had multiple operations on my foot over the last 5 years and if I had a pound for every time someone had said "If you can do X surely you can do Y?" I'd be a rich woman. It's not that simple unfortunately. Different activities can pose very different problems.
He might be milking it of course but given you don't even seem to know very much about what he has done I don't think you can say that for sure.

Tell him no, it's his weekend so he has to have them or sort out childcare.
Put a claim in for maintenance even though you won't get much he still needs to reminder he has two other responsibilities.

It's also not your children's job to phone him, he is the adult, you need to at least make sure your children know this and to stand up for them.
He sounds horrible and lazy.

I had surgery six weeks ago. I’m still not driving and I can manage short walks, although I’m improving.

I’d be no good if I was in charge of a child who decided to run off in to traffic for example, though.

So it's not beyond the realms of reasonableness that he isn’t there yet. But you don’t seem to know enough about the circumstances to be able to give us enough info to judge.

I had a knee replacement some years ago, and was weight-bearing within a month. I agree, he's milking it.

I had surgery to repair a ligament in my foot last year. Was weight-bearing within 3 weeks, off crutches by 8 weeks and driving by 12.

Obviously hard to be prescriptive without knowing what he's had done. But if it's anything comparable to my procedure, he should be fairly mobile by now.

@justmyself71 have not found the info but did your husband do school runs before his operation????

This isn't really about his leg is it?
It's about you struggling with having 2 children in different schools.
If it was the Local Authority's decision to move one of your children then you need to say they either have to provide transport or give a place at that school for your other child too (or move the child back).
Focus on this issue. Not what your ex is or isn't doing.
You need to talk to the schools about this. That's your priority.

If he doesn't do school runs when he's not working and hasn't had surgery, why are you expecting him to now?

This

My child has only been in the other school since September term he is there until may, he had his operation in October, I had my car in September so i could manage the school runs easier and I can't move my other to the other school because this is only temporary he is only there until may then he will be back in his normal school,
Maybe I should just leave him to recover and deal with it myself

@justmyself71 why is he at the other school until May? (and why May - that's a bit random).
You need to discuss with the school that having 2 children in different schools is just not something that can be done.
The school needs to help you find a solution - if they were the ones who transferred him.

@Needmorelego Is it a school/placement for children with SEMH needs, he was struggling in his usual school wouldn’t spend much time in the classroom and would always have meltdowns and really struggle so they have got him into this school until May I think it is to do with the school terms, however if he is still struggling after may they will keep him on there, but he is doing so much better controlling his emotions and behaviour etc, and I have spoken to the school they are trying to put something in place but I think it has to be over 3 miles distance for transport

@justmyself71 if it's a SEN school then I believe the 3 mile rule doesn't apply.
Keep talking to them - make sure you don't get forgotten.

@geckofrog because why not? I have done the school runs since they started school but now without me driving a bit of help would be nice

@justmyself71 also - even though their Dad doesn't usually get involved with school runs they (the Local Authority) don't know that and by just telling them that he has had an operation on his leg so is "out of action" it could help you get travel assistance quicker.
(maybe..... hopefully 🙂)

But he isn't going to step up more just because his leg hurts

@geckofrog well maybe he should just step up all together then never mind the leg, as a mother i can guarantee if I had any sort of broken leg I wouldn’t not take my children too school i would find a way so why is a father any different ?

I agree.

That is why I have to say that to this:

AIBU to think that he should still do his part YABU is unreasonable as he isn't even doing his f*cking part!