NC for this. I’ve posted before about my family’s involvement with an abusive ex but it’s spiralled.
for context and background, I was in a 5 year on and off relationship from 18 years old with a family friend who was 15 years older.
i didn’t see it until near the end of the relationship but after police, solicitors and friends support I’ve realised it was abuse; physically, sexually, emotionally and mentally.
the physical and sexual abuse I recognised as it started as I drifted from him. He raped me. I didn’t report it as it was my word against his but I went to the doctor and she examined me, saw the bruises and documented it so I knew I would have record of it.
i eventually got away with the help of police.
fast forward a few years later and I find out my uncle is now working for this man and it was kept a secret from me. I didn’t know until I pulled upto my grandmothers and my ex’s car was there (was uncle was driving it) I took a panic attack and went home.
i cut ties with my uncle because of this and earlier this year wouldn’t invite him to my son’s christening, much to my grandmothers and a few aunts annoyance.
My ex died there a few weeks ago. I was relieved. I can stop looking over my shoulder.
thank you if you’re still reading! So to the crux of the matter - my aunt had a thing for my ex when she was younger. I had a feeling she would go to the funeral. I didn’t want her going without knowing all the info so I rang her and said listen he done this to me and she paused and said…that’s your perception. I was stunned. I said he’s a rapist. And she said she forgave him and I should too (she’s turned religious since her husband left her). He said to me directly when everything kicked off that he felt so remorse and didn’t have a conscience - that was straight from the horses mouth.
i also since found out since we broke up that he had slept with underage girls in the past. I said this to my aunt and she said the age of consent is just law (wtf??) and in some religious societies consent is based on a woman’s menstrual cycle starting.
I know this has taken a bit of a turn but I can’t get it out of my head. I don’t want my son around this woman. I know I have no right to say she can’t or can go to a funeral etc but I feel betrayed and I also feel that her views are so dangerous and this is not something I want my son around.
My DH and I are having our wedding party in June (we’re already married officially) and I don’t want her or my uncle there. I don’t want to see my aunt over Christmas as I don’t think I’d feel comfortable or be able to hold my tongue but I know if I do that, I’ll be the worst in the world from my granny’s family.
AIBU to cut her off completely even if I lose more family?