Do you always know if your person is your person?

7 replies

letmeje · 14/12/2023 23:13

I met a man about 3 months ago at a wedding. It has been going swimmingly but if I had to pick at something (which I always do, so unable to tell if I'm being unreasonable). It would be that he isn't that complimentary or attentive.

If we are sexting, he is very complimentary but I've recently been going through a tough time with my mum. And he doesn't always know how to respond to it it would appear. For instance today when he asked how I was, I replied that it's been awful with my mum but will fill him in on Saturday when I see him. He replied 'oh fuck'. Nothing else. I don't know if I'm being unreasonable to feel a bit put out. My friend asked what I expected him to say and maybe a, 'oh fuck, hope everything's okay' would have made a difference.

He did then text me a few hours later asking how my mum was then a few hours later he asked if I'd spent time with my mum but then when I sent him a voice-note he changed the subject.

This guy is lovely and I am so attracted to him but I can't figure out if I'm being picky or if that's just a part of him.

I try to think when we are together what he is like and I guess he is a bit the same. Happy to speak about general stuff but gets very uncomfortable when it comes to anything deeper.

I need emotional support so long term not sure if this will work if not available. AIBU to expect this?

OP posts:

Moro93 · 14/12/2023 23:22

Some people do struggle with knowing what to say in situations like this. It isn’t necessarily a lack of empathy, it could just be that he isn’t sure how to express it. Especially over text.

If it’s a deal breaker for you then you could try maybe chatting to him in person, asking if he’s a bit awkward having deep/emotional conversations. Then take it from there.

Original poster

letmeje · 14/12/2023 23:47

Bump

OP posts:

jeelouise · 15/12/2023 01:18

Hmm tricky one

Fionaville · 15/12/2023 01:27

I think 3 months in, I assume he doesn't really know your mum, you are expecting too much from him. I think you are in danger of trying to dump your emotional troubles on him. I know it's natural, but he isn't that deep into the relationship to respond with the genuine care about your mum, that you want him to.
He's asking about her, he's showing he cares about you, he just doesn't need the level of information that you want to give. Cut him some slack. It's supposed to be the 'everything is perfect' honeymoon phase.

AtrociousCircumstance · 15/12/2023 01:28

It’s a deep breaker really. You need a partner you can pour your heart out to when you need to. Not all the time of course because there needs to be light and shade. But communication is everything.

Original poster

letmeje · 15/12/2023 01:47

AtrociousCircumstance · 15/12/2023 01:28

So dealbreaker?

OP posts:

FrozenGhost · 15/12/2023 02:28

I think this does sound a bit picky, tbh. He doesn't always respond perfectly, who among us does? You said you'd tell him all about it on Saturday, so I suppose he took that at face value.

Having said that you can finish with him for any reason or no reason, if you want.

Flip