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AIBU?

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Original poster

Alcohol every night

13 replies

hollylou · 14/12/2023 21:22

I feel like my husband is starting to drink too much, he'll have two, sometimes as many as three or four cans of IPA lager each night. We've fallen out tonight as he can't see the problem but I feel like it's too much nightly, he gets defensive and says it's what he enjoys but I think this is due to him knowing my concerns are founded. I've been really calm and rational and explained I'm just concerned for his health and that alcohol addiction is a slippy slope that nobody intends to start on but he just says I'm being a nag and ruining what he enjoys and he's now gone to bed without speaking. I've even tried saying if it was me drinking four rum and cokes a night would he think that was ok which he's admitted he would think was too much but is still completely unble to see the issue the other way round. Am I in the wrong?!

OP posts:
OwOwHolyCow · 14/12/2023 21:44

He’s already defensive and then making out you are the problem by being a nag.
He already has a drink problem.

GreySantaRabbit · 14/12/2023 21:49

You're not wrong but he's got to admit it to himself before he can change his drinking habits. Sadly, alcohol is a slippery slope.

Needhelpsupport · 14/12/2023 21:54

A couple of drinks every night is ok ,not great ,but if there are no other problems maybe see how he is . My husband definitely drinks 2 big glasses of red every night and he is a fully functional human being…absolutely no worries from my point of view!

EndOfTheLine2023 · 14/12/2023 22:09

Sorry but two drinks a night isn’t right

Owlsoutsidethewindow · 14/12/2023 22:13

IMO this is too much and if he gets stroppy and defensive about it then healready has a problem. Alcohol is a slippery slope, one minute you're having a few in the evenings and on the weekend, then you're starting earlier on the weekend, then you're a functioning alcoholic in denial about a drink problem.

pinkappleorpineapple · 14/12/2023 22:15

Every night is not something I would be happy with. I did experience similar with DH drinking wine most nights for a while and I was not happy about it in general and also the example it was setting to DC.
I rarely drink as we have young DC, I need my wits about me and such regular alcohol consumption has an effect. Even a large wine will make DH snore and I’m not up for that when sleep is already so precious!

OwOwHolyCow · 14/12/2023 22:15

It’s not just the quantity that counts as a problem with alcohol, it’s the fact that a person can’t not have a drink every night.

I would be curious to know how many bottles are in the recycling after a week having 2 large glasses every night, that’s around 2/3 of a bottle. A medium glass has more than 2 units per glass. If he’s fully functioning on 6/7 units a night he has quite some tolerance.
https://www.alcoholtest.org.uk/alcohol-facts/alcohol-units/how-many-units-are-in-wine#:~:text=Wine%20and%20the%20Low%20Risk%20Guidelines&text=So%2C%20drinking%20just%20six%20175ml,risk%20guidelines%20(14%20units).

Alcohol Units | Units in a glass or bottle of wine

How many units are in wine? It doesn’t matter what colour your wine is (white, red, rosé even sparkling) the important thing to know is how strong the wine is, and how much is in your glass.

https://www.alcoholtest.org.uk/alcohol-facts/alcohol-units/how-many-units-are-in-wine#:~:text=Wine%20and%20the%20Low%20Risk%20Guidelines&text=So%2C%20drinking%20just%20six%20175ml,risk%20guidelines%20(14%20units).

Mycatsbigtoe · 14/12/2023 22:16

Following as in exactly the same situation.

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 14/12/2023 22:16

@Needhelpsupport you can be a fully functioning human being and still have a drinking problem…

as others have said, it’s the strop / defensiveness here that’s the problem. If he’s getting angry about it then he’s got a problem.

what would happen if there was no alcohol in the house? Would he agree to alcohol free days?

kitsuneghost · 14/12/2023 22:24

Depends how he is after 2 cans
If he is fine then there is no issue.
Why does it upset you?
Would it be different if it was a glass of wine with dinner?

Grumpynan · 14/12/2023 22:34

I personally think it to much.

I’ve given up with my DH, average night - 2 or 3 pints, couple of home measures scotch big glass (often 2 ) wine that’s before dinner, after dinner sometimes another pint always a scotch.

its way to much, he gets silly or moody you never can tell which it will be. I’ve tried telling/helping/begging but I now just let him get on with it.

i will confess to a glass of wine 5 or 6 nights a week and that’s his come back - I drink too, and the usual, it makes me happy but I’m not an alcoholic.

but yes I think it way to much

Didimum · 14/12/2023 22:56

If the weekly units are over the recommendation then it’s too much. False stop. People get uppity about unit recommendations as though it’s some sort of moral judgement. It’s the amount at which alcohol-related disease is at significantly higher risk. Do with that what you will. Take the gamble or don’t.

My dad passed of cirrhosis this year at 66, having drunk a similar amount through his life. His two best friends (drinking buddies), died at 60 with liver cancer and 65 with cirrhosis.

IStandWithACrutch · 14/12/2023 23:01

My dad drank a small amount every night for years. He died of cirrhosis.

It’s really not ok to drink every day.

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