Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

Malicious report made on me

18 replies

Twinkletoes18 · 14/12/2023 20:57

Hiya

a couple of days ago I got a phone call from the local children services saying they got a referral from the NSPCC as there was an anonymous complaint logged about me. The complaint / allegations were so nasty, sickening that it tore me apart. This person had said how I emotionally abuse my little boy, brainwash, physically abuse him. Also because of all of this he has a developmental delay. I told the case worker to go and call the school up and see what they told them? I would never do such a thing, and my son’s pretty happy in school. My only concern is that I don’t feel safe anymore. We think it’s a parent from school whose little one is also in the same year as my little one. This person was a friend before and then stopped talking to me for some reason so I stopped making an effort to. The fact is since that happened, she has spread such bad information about me to the other mums in the group. Then she became part of the parents committee and blocked me off social media so I couldn’t see what was being posted on the school facebook page for events and special days at school. The more I think about it, the more I feel it’s this person because they’ve just wanting me to be isolated from everything. However I raised the matter about not being to see the page to the head admin, and they said it could be that this person has blocked me personally. And now I feel this person is really trying to f* me over. I haven’t even done anything to her, but can’t understand what she gets out of giving me trouble, and without any proof how can I know she is behind all of this?I wanted to know if there is any way to find out who made the report? I’m traumatised from all this :(

OP posts:

janefondofu · 14/12/2023 20:59

I'm sorry, I have no idea how you could find out if she filed it, but I'm so sorry you and your poor son are going through this

mangoallergy · 14/12/2023 21:08

I'd contact school saying what you said here, in a former way of course. They won't be able to answer your question. However, by asking you raised the issue to their attention

Original poster

Twinkletoes18 · 15/12/2023 12:33

I did have the caseworker call the school up, and health like GP up. It’s fine they have cleared it up. Although I have spoken to the headteacher about how this mum has made my life a little difficult and intimidating- it’s just not worth approaching her and trying to ask her why on earth does she hate me so much? :/

OP posts:

TheOccupier · 15/12/2023 12:41

Personally I'd report her to the police for harassment.

Original poster

Twinkletoes18 · 15/12/2023 13:04

I could do that but we don’t have actual proof against her, but we do know and have a gut feeling it’s her. As the case worker told us that sometimes people report other people only because they have a grudge or a real hate against them. Best thing is to wait and see and if this person reports me again. It’s a horrible feeling and I haven’t been much myself lately. 😞

OP posts:

SinnerBoy · 15/12/2023 13:34

Then she became part of the parents committee and blocked me off social media so I couldn’t see what was being posted on the school facebook page for events and special days at school.

Is it an official thing, which is part of the school, or a parent's What's App group? If it's the former, you should complain to the school. Otherwise, are there other group moderators, who could give you access?

Anisette · 15/12/2023 13:57

Then she became part of the parents committee and blocked me off social media so I couldn’t see what was being posted on the school facebook page for events and special days at school.

If someone on the parents' committee is misusing their powers in this way, the school needs to get involved. I don't understand why they give random parents power over their Facebook page anyway, but clearly this parent needs to have any access rights removed and the school needs to unblock you.

Anisette · 15/12/2023 13:58

Twinkletoes18 · 15/12/2023 13:04

Given that whoever reported this has been wasting their time and they know it's a malicious report, can you ask them to report it to the police? Otherwise this person will do it again.

Original poster

Twinkletoes18 · 15/12/2023 14:03

The Facebook group and the parents group are like run from the parents association if you know what I mean. The school work with the parents committee to kind of fundraise. Quite many schools have this sort of thing.

OP posts:

Anisette · 15/12/2023 14:52

Twinkletoes18 · 15/12/2023 14:03

I get that, but if school events are published on the FB group, how does any member have power to pick and choose which parents have access? OK, they need to be able to ban anyone who makes themselves a nuisance, but that would normally be a committee decision.

If the school can't deal with that issue, I suggest you contact whoever is Chair of the Parents' Association to look into it.

hurlyburlygirly · 15/12/2023 22:32

Sympathy, we had similar although mine were much older. As in 18 and 16.

This service needs to exist but it's a real vehicle for abuse in its own right. I created a police log based on my experience at their advice - we also had a couple of other anonymous reports.

It was all utterly ridiculous and I felt so cross they'd wasted precious resources on investigating.

Original poster

Twinkletoes18 · 16/12/2023 09:09

I already spoke to the chair person of the committee of how this person has made me feel when I was rep, and basically subliminally making me quiet quit the role of rep as she always treaded on my toes, whenever I posted something. The chair person said “you need to cut her some slack as she’s got special needs, and not mind it.” And when I told her how I couldn’t see the posts this person made on the page because I also have a right to see information, the chair person was like oh she’s probably blocked you. Or you have blocked her? (I haven’t, I just don’t even have her as a friend, and it goes for the same for other parents?) it’s just so complex that the chair person is also dismissing it, because she said she’s got special needs, she’s autistic so please don’t take it to heart and deal with it. I’m in two minds, I’m naive and just taking this on or I should just next time take it to the head teacher. But when I mentioned to the head teacher I have been asked to just not mind this person by the chair person because they are autistic even the head teacher was a little bit like that’s not like a pass to treat someone like this?! I don’t know really, I keep going around in circles. I worry she will drive me away from the school with my son the same way she drove me away from being a rep with how she was sending messages (not directed) but really passive aggressive and everyone could see it and understand it. I have screenshots of this but I’m worried that chair person had told her I cannot see her posts and another mum posted on the group saying please sort the settings out because a mum can’t see your posts, and this person who has blocked me approached her saying, probably something is wrong with her settings (when she knows who she has blocked and she’s not daft!). And this happened before the complaint or false allegation was made on me. Trying to put two and two together and it doesn’t surprise me if she’s gone this far to just get me into trouble. She is that sort of person that will do anything to bring a person down. I knew her as a friend for half the year and she accused my little boy of passing cough to her son who ended up in hospital! And since then she kept her distance from me because kids pass germs to each other in school.

OP posts:

TheOccupier · 16/12/2023 09:28

Take it to the head teacher. In the meantime, set up an alternative Facebook account in a different name.

Woush · 16/12/2023 09:37

Are these social media feeds the only way you find out about school events?

I assume not, info will be on school website and newsletters to parents. Ususlly these SM feeds act as a reminder to parents, not as the source of info.

Assuming that's the case - leave thre Facebook and WhatsApp groups. The drama stopping will be a massive positive for you. And you won't miss out on anything.

PGmicstand · 16/12/2023 09:38

Re the Facebook page, you have as much right to see what's going on with the school as any other parent. If school don't put out a newsletter/email with events you are missing out.
Whether or not the woman is autistic is irrelevant, she shouldn't block you from the page unless you have broken the rules.

Regarding the report to SS, they'll have on file that it was unsubstantiated. As other posters have said it is worth logging with the police.

Woush · 16/12/2023 09:40

Regarding the report to social care, as long as you know there is no harm to your children, just rise above the malicious report.

Social care and school are able to see these things gor what they are.

Messyhair321 · 16/12/2023 10:06

Oh no sounds awful. But I don't think this is because this person is autistic & the chair person shouldn't be using this as a reason that she's behaving this way. There are lots of autistic people & they don't all go about behaving like shit towards other people. Unless she's suggesting that this person doesn't understand what she's doing somehow - yet this would be another stereotypical prejudice.

I think put your concerns in writing to the school. Use words like 'feeling harassed' & 'feeling isolated/excluded by the actions of x' (blocking you from the school FB page). Explain that you would like full access as much as any other parent because you value being part of the school community, & that the upset this is causing you will impact your DS particularly with their ability to link with events etc at the school. Ask them to sort it out. Give them a chance to.
I would either be speaking to this person as if I couldn't care less about her, 'hi' & nothing else, or completely ignoring.
I probably would do a 101 call to the police, or write your concerns about this woman & your suspicion on her false allegations & the fact that she's alienating you. Say that you just want this logged in case anything else happens. You're covered then if it does.

Anisette · 16/12/2023 10:23

Irrespective of the "Be nice to her, she's autistic" excuse, the chair person should still be sorting out the Facebook page. There is no reason why her autism should be a licence to allow her to use the PTA page for her own vendettas. At the very least they should restore your access.

Self-evidently, autism is absolutely no excuse for making a malicious report about you. Someone who has done that should not be in any position of responsibility within the parents' group. Is it worth asking the NSPCC whether they would consider reporting it to the police, given that she wasted their time which they could have spent investigating real abuse?

Flip