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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Where do you stand on sending gifts direct & unwrapped?

54 replies

LiarLiarKnickersAblaze · 14/12/2023 19:43

Myself and DSIS disagree on this.

I think if you're sending presents to family members (we only send to close family, think parents, sibling and two niece/nephews), you should wrap them before posting.

The past couple of years my sister (and now my Mum) have gotten in the habit of sending presents for mine and my daughter's birthday and Christmas direct from the retailer unwrapped and often with receipt. It's then on me to wrap and put under tree or hand out on birthday with a tag saying from Aunty X.

Keep me honest here, am I being unreasonable for finding this a bit impersonal? I'm grateful for the gift for me and DCs, and DSIS says it saves on postage but I find it a bit naff to open an Amazon box with a preloved book and a receipt. I never know when they're coming & we also order from Amazon to intercept & wrap the box.

YABU - sending direct and expecting recipient to wrap and dole out is fine.
YANBU - it's impersonal

OP posts:
MrsAvocet · 14/12/2023 22:45

I usually send presents direct.I'm kicking myself that I have just accidentally sent my sister's present to myself. I paid by Paypal so it automatically put my address as the delivery address and I didn't notice til it was too late. It's annoying because postage from the company was quite high initially and I will now need to post it again. As our village post office closed this year I will have to drive a 20 odd mile round trip to post it. Getting it to her will probably end up costing me over half the value of the present. That seems pretty pointless to me.

mondaytosunday · 14/12/2023 22:47

Id pay for giftwrapping.

toastofthetown · 14/12/2023 22:52

I would pay for gift wrapping if a service offers if a service offers it, but I find most don't. It doesn't bother me, but we only have gifts coming unwrapped from one other household and they let us know when to expect them. We do the same for them. Unless we're seeing each other around Christmas, it doesn't make sense to pay two lots of postage and take twice the risk it gets lost or stolen.

I will take @CanaryCanary's advice of adding "for Christmas" to the recipient. Great idea.

Missingmybabysomuch · 14/12/2023 22:53

My DH's family do this. I don't mind at all when it's for one of my DD's birthday for example, I am happy to get an amazon parcel or whatever and wrap it up for her. But for Xmas it's ridiculous. He has his parents and 3 siblings. So I've been sent gifts for my DH x 6, gifts for the 2 DD's x 8, gift for my parents, plus my own gift. All sent direct to me. So at least 15/16 extra gifts to wrap and write tags for, including my own. I was sat there thinking what a waste of time and paper sat wrapping my own gift only to then unwrap it again in a weeks time 😂

TheUsualChaos · 14/12/2023 22:54

I've been thinking about this too this year. Some of my family have got into habit of this for birthdays and Christmas. I'm torn because it does feel impersonal and also yet more presents for me to wrap, plus it feels weird writing a label for someone else. But also with the price of posting parcels now it's hardly a surprise so many of us have gotten into this habit as it really would add up over the year and suppose the logic is we'd rather spend money on the gift than the postage.

I have bought small items this year for one family so that they could easily be packed in one box and posted. I've wrapped them nicely etc whereas they have sent me gifts for my children to wrap myself. It's fine, they will love the presents and I appreciate them spending the money on them but I suppose this time I just felt if I'm going to buy a Christmas present for anyone I should wrap it so they can put it straight under their tree.

Britneyfan · 14/12/2023 22:54

I send presents directly from the retailer to my siblings who live in other parts of the U.K. usually from Amazon. We did have a conversation about it first and I’m very grateful they don’t think like you and are happy to wrap and put under the tree from me. I find going to physical shops super stressful and a bit overwhelming these days because of chronic stress and illness, and so would be ordering to my place to wrap and then have to take to the post office to send again which seems mad and not very environmentally friendly. Plus all that takes forever and I am just not that organised. They’d never get a present if I had to do it the way you want it done. I also don’t totally trust the post office delivery service, Amazon is so much more efficient. I do mark the parcel with my name on it for the delivery but at my sibling’s address and pre- warn them a parcel is coming so they look out for it and don’t open it in front of the kids!

JudgeJ · 14/12/2023 23:05

mondaytosunday · 14/12/2023 22:47

Id pay for giftwrapping.

My daughter would come down by train so she would order stuff for her daughter to be delivered here and expect them to be wrapped when they arrived! Luckily I love wrapping presents, even when our girls were small and there were loads I loved it.
Parcel2go is much cheaper than the post office.

Grimchmas · 14/12/2023 23:11

I don't like doing it but I end up sending direct from amazon for my close friend's kids birthdays quite often. I'll happily pay for amazon giftwrap, but I do feel guilty like I'm cheating. Sometimes too the object isn't from amazon's own warehouse and gift-wrapping isn't available - in which case I ring my friend, grovel and she pops it in one of the many gift bags they have to reuse.

I do it this way because in all honesty if I didn't the gifts would be very late. I'm not good at being organised with gifts. This way, they at least usually arrive in time.

Having said that I pride myself on having 4 gifts individually wrapped and labelled and in the post to them for Christmas already, so I can do it sometimes- I'm inconsistent.

Fleur405 · 14/12/2023 23:15

My mum does this too. It really annoys me. I just stick the items a gift bag. And then she gets annoyed at me for not wrapping it “properly”’ 🙄

ThinWomansBrain · 14/12/2023 23:21

I do from Amazon - my friends name is there with GIFT at the end of her surname - so she knows what it is, and not to open it early. I don't pay for gift wrapping, but do check the option that it's a gift and not to include the receipt.
I slipped up last year, and ordered the book I wanted to get her, but in Dutch.

I have to admit though, she sent me something for my birthday, and had clearly paid for gift wrapping - and it was much more of a treat to open.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/12/2023 23:42

CanaryCanary · 14/12/2023 19:46

in our family, if you’re sending an unwrapped gift direct from the retailer you add something like “for Xmas” to the name on the address, so the recipient knows it’s a gift, not something they ordered. Then they just stick the box itself under the tree. Might be a sensible compromise?

That’s very clever!

OldTinHat · 14/12/2023 23:43

I do this all the time and my family do the same. Just order online, tick the 'it's a gift' option so no receipts will be included and pay extra for gift wrapping if required.

I'm not going to order a gift, have it delivered to me, wrap it up, repackage it and post it on at considerable extra expense. Such a waste of time, money and resources.

ManateeFair · 14/12/2023 23:44

If I send something direct from Amazon for Christmas or a birthday, I pay the extra for gift wrap and tag. The difficulty comes when you order via Amazon from a different seller (as will be the case with the preloved books you mention) then you don't have that option.

I'm kind of torn on this. I'd rather a gift didn't have to travel twice, once to deliver it to me and then again to the recipient once I've wrapped it, because it's basically doubling the carbon footprint. But I would also want a present to actually feel like it's a gift for the person receiving it, and I wouldn't want people to have the hassle of wrapping my gifts for their kids if they hate doing it (it wouldn't bother me having to do that because I don't mind wrapping presents, but I can see why it's a pain for parents who already have a million things to wrap up for their kids).

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/12/2023 23:45

It does depend a little bit on the circumstances - like the cost of the postage etc, but generally it is a bit rubbish. If people are buying from Amazon they should get a gift bag i think!

MeinKraft · 15/12/2023 00:04

I really can't imagine being annoyed that someone bought me or my children a present and didn't wrap it. What an absolute waste of money and resources to get it posted to your house, wrap and repost. Even ordering a gift bag..why Confused who's going to want an extra gift bag to stick in the recycling or kick round the house til it can be reused?

Ohdearohdearohdea · 15/12/2023 00:20

I've never sent gifts online to people. My parents are from another country and we'd only give gifts when we saw them, even if it was every few years. I feel that you should just give gifts when you meet, even if you rarely see each other. I did have a cousin that lived abroad who would sometimes send Amazon gifts to me but not every birthday. She'd usually select the gift wrap option. Even if it was still unwrapped, it's still a surprise when you open the box.

phoenixrosehere · 15/12/2023 02:31

Depends.

If it is something custom-made, bits for one gift, or all for one family I have it sent to me and then wrap and send, otherwise I send it with a gift receipt.

For myself, I really don’t care if it’s wrapped or not, as long as it’s well thought out, not just you’re a woman, here’s a gift from “gifts for her” collection of a shop or this is what people of your age group is into, surely you must be too.

For the kids, I’m not fussed and neither are they.

It’s still a surprise either way, just opened a bit early, not an issue in my book.

FuckinghellthatsUnbelievable · 15/12/2023 05:18

Leeds2 · 14/12/2023 19:46

I compromise with my three great-nephews, and send from Amazon but pay for gift wrapping. This is, I believe, a gift bag with label. Think it is about £3, so cheaper than it would to have the gift sent to me and for me to wrap it and pay for postage.

Amazon wrap the gift in wrapping paper. It’s always really neat. Possibly they use a bag for unboxed gifts.

YireosDodeAver · 15/12/2023 05:29

The amazon giftwrap service is terrible. Whether they use paper or a bag it looks so drab and un-cheery that it really needs wrapping again. I wish they had a premium wrapping service where you could pick a paper to use.

Most some of my family do the posting-of unwrapped-things direct from supplier. Importantly it's never posted to the recipient, but to someone else in the household who is given instructions on wrapping etc if relevant. (I sometimes post a sheet of wrapping paper along with a birthday card and gift-tag timed to arrive a couple of days before)

The thing I find really impersonal is a step more than this - my inlaws whole family basically just opt out of the entire process and BACS dh a lump sum of money before each birthday and Christmas with instructions as to how much to spend "from" each grandparent/aunt/uncle and DH has to do the shopping as well as the wrapping and keep track that this parcel that he selected, bought and wrapped is "from" aunty sue.

CurlsnSunshinetime4tea · 15/12/2023 05:29

It’s not ideal, but I’m sending from Canada and for customs reasons need to be unwrapped.
sadly the biggest insult is the VAT my dd has to pay on gifts I send her :(

EastEndQueen · 15/12/2023 06:36

It’s so unbelievably annoying OP. I work 4 days a week, am doing a masters degree partime, am mid kitchen extension and we are starting a business. DC are 4 and 7- life is busy!

This Xmas has been a litany of relatives - often retired - requiring me to make an exact list of what the DC wants (they are hardly at the fussy age, if it’s a toy then wonderful) with links. It is then posted to me unwrapped for me to wrap and label 🤬

Don’t get me started on the other habit of my wider family in sending my DM and DSis presents to me as well so I can be the elf, thus saving them multiple parcels to send. The limited amount of my house NOT undergoing renovations looks like a postal sorting office

and breathe 🤣

melj1213 · 15/12/2023 10:41

I think the key point isnt so much whether the gifts are wrapped or not but the communication around the sending.

I used to live abroad so I had to send gifts unwrapped as they were subject to customs checks (unless sent direct from a large UK retailer in which case I would get gift wrapping if it was an option) but when that was the case I would either send them addressed to someone else in the house so they could open/wrap them on my behalf or put the initial "G" into their name so they knew not to open it as it was a Gift item from me (I don't like explicitly putting the word gift/present on the outside of a parcel as it's an invitation for it to be stolen if someone thinks there might be something of high value/worth in the box)

But the key thing was that I communicated this with the other person ahead of time - so if I was buying mum a present and having it sent to dad, I would contact my dad ahead of time to say "Hey, mums birthday is coming up, I've ordered X item from Y retailer. I've addressed it to you and it should be arriving on Z date. Can you put it away for her birthday and/or wrap it up for me please? Thanks"; or if i was sending my (single) friend a present I'd message ahead and say "I've ordered/sent your birthday gift, it should be arriving around X date but I couldn't wrap it/the company didn't offer wrapping so I've written your name as Jane G. Smith - when you get that parcel you will know it's from me and you will know not to open it before the big day!"

Notmetoo · 15/12/2023 10:46

I think it's much nicer to send them wrapped. If I ever send them direct from the retailer I pay extra for gift wrapping.
But I prefer to see them and wrap them myself if I can.
Having said that it's nice someone has thought enough to send a present anyway

Whataretheodds · 15/12/2023 10:52

Those who send unwrapped - don't you feel terribly cheeky and cheap?

melj1213 · 15/12/2023 12:59

Whataretheodds · 15/12/2023 10:52

Those who send unwrapped - don't you feel terribly cheeky and cheap?

Sometimes people logistically don't have a choice like when I was abroad and customs rules meant I sent things unwrapped or the cost was prohibitively exorbitant to get it sent to me then sent abroad again.

So no I don't feel cheeky or cheap because it's the choice between sending someone a gift or not being able to afford it because I can't afford two lots of delivery and postage fees.