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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My partner forgets that I was the one that said certain things, or was with him during certain events

8 replies

piddocktrumperiness · 14/12/2023 17:25

My partner has recently, IMO too frequently brought up things he has learned or heard somewhere and proceeds to tell me like he had just learned it, even though it was me that told him those things. Same with certain events, like watching films at the cinema, or restaurants. He'll say he watched such and such with so and so when it was actually just the two of us. I joke and we joke about it but nowadays I'm wondering/overthinking maybe, that this is a sign he doesn't care, or that our memories are insignificant or unmemorable? He has often tbf shared stories that he has definitely told me before, and I entertain it until the end when he asks or says "have I told you this before?"

I've got a terrible short term memory too but I do remember our shared memories so I'm wondering if there is anything here I should be concerned about
AIBU to think he just does not care? Or do loads of men do this?

We're in our early 40's, no medical history or meds to be concerned about.

OP posts:
WelshNerd · 14/12/2023 17:33

I’ve been with my DH for 16 years and we used to work in the same office. There are many things, particularly from our office, where I have to genuinely think if it happened to me or him. I know he will also tell me things that happened to me or I have told him.

I'm not worried personally and just take it as a side effect of spending a lot of time with someone.

piddocktrumperiness · 14/12/2023 17:34

Thank you :)

OP posts:
Bigoldmachine · 14/12/2023 17:42

I do this and it is not intentional, not because I don’t care about the person or anything. I just don’t remember that clearly! And often can’t remember where I got a particular nugget of information from. DH remembers everything in detail and sometimes seems a bit disbelieving that I just can’t remember.

Yupppp · 14/12/2023 17:54

I’m a good memory woman who is with a shit memory man and it took me years to stop taking it personally. But Honestly I don’t think it is a reflection of his feelings when spending time with you, he is likely just compartmentalising the event in his memory.
It also means you can get away with murder - my partner forgets every mistake I’ve ever made, whereas his are all firmly lodged in my memory 😝

longtompot · 14/12/2023 18:05

My dh does this occasionally. One that stood out was he was telling me about something which I had absolutely no recollection of. He was getting more and more frustrated and I was getting concerned that my memory was going when he said it was when we went somewhere the other day. And it clicked. It was our dd who he told and who was with him🙄

GoodVibesHere · 14/12/2023 18:10

I'm the one with the poor memory in my marriage, I often can't remember certain events or places we've been to together. DH remembers all of it - dates, times and the weather that day! I don't know how he can remember it all. We've been together 25 years and I feel like he recalls my life better than I do. The years all blend together for me Blush

piddocktrumperiness · 14/12/2023 18:11

I find this reassuring as I was getting worried he'd stopped caring :)

OP posts:
Sahara123 · 14/12/2023 18:23

My husband has always done this . I just say not me, must’ve been some other girlfriend. And to be fair my memory is awful these days too

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