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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Please convince me I'm being daft

4 replies

CandyFluff99 · 14/12/2023 15:52

My child's dad is abusive. He sees him every other weekend with supervised handovers. Contact started recently. He idolises him. He had santa come and visit him today at school and he had to pick a present for his parents. Only got to pick one. He showed it to me and I just said 'that's nice I'm sure he will love it' secretly feeling pathetically sad he picked his dad. I didn't mention it any more, now son is saying 'sorry I didn't get you a present' and is torturing himself over it, constantly telling me he loves me and wants to get me a present too. All this without me saying a word or showing any signs of upset. I'm not gutted, it's just a pang of 'ouch'. I'm gutted my son is picking up on things. That he's been put in a position where he's had to choose and now he's upset. I'm wondering if I'm doing something wrong or not sheltering him enough despite him knowing nothing about his dad's abuse. No idea what I need from MN but some words of advice or honest truths would be helpful.

OP posts:
Lammveg · 14/12/2023 15:58

Awww I don't think you've done anything wrong here. It's really hard as a parent to see things from your child's perspective and put you feelings aside somewhat.

It's all new for your DS to be seeing his dad by the sounds of it and often the parent they see the least is seen as fun/interesting and they don't do much discipline etc.

I'd just continue to tell your DS that it's OK, you understand that he could only pick one present and his dad will love it.

I hope you have people in real life you are comfortable sharing your own feelings with. It's so hard.

Nochoiceleft · 14/12/2023 15:59

How old is he?
I can understand exactly why he picked the present for his dad. You are his absolute security. He loves you and doesn’t need to buy your affection or worry about you disappearing on him.
But now he’s had time to have a think and wants to show you his love. Is there any way that someone could take him on a little shopping trip to pick you something to wrap?

pickledandpuzzled · 14/12/2023 16:04

I gave my children money, walked around a small shop with them looking, then turned my back while they picked a thing and took it to the till. It was a nice little adventure for us all!

CandyFluff99 · 14/12/2023 16:55

Nochoiceleft · 14/12/2023 15:59

How old is he?
I can understand exactly why he picked the present for his dad. You are his absolute security. He loves you and doesn’t need to buy your affection or worry about you disappearing on him.
But now he’s had time to have a think and wants to show you his love. Is there any way that someone could take him on a little shopping trip to pick you something to wrap?

Only 5 bless him.

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