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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To help friend get away for a bit ?

24 replies

VioletSkies12 · 14/12/2023 15:31

She lives at home with parents. Has been working from home and on annual leave now but phoned me in tears today as both her parents have been unwell for nearly a month. Coughing non stop, both gone deaf from the viruses so can’t hear a word she is saying and she has reached her limit and needs some time away. She has no other family, also no other friends who will let her stay with them a few nights and no spare money for a hotel. It isn’t practical to have her stay here (DP not keen) and I can only think the only way around this is to buy her a few nights at a hotel. I hate seeing her like this she is completely stressed out and upset.

OP posts:

TeaKitten · 14/12/2023 15:33

If you can afford it then why not? Or book something for the 2 of you and go away with her.

UncleHerbie · 14/12/2023 15:33

What a lovely friend you are. Great idea. @VioletSkies12

escapethemaze · 14/12/2023 15:33

do you mean financially?

Or book as a surprise and pay for it?

escapethemaze · 14/12/2023 15:35

and if your DP supportive of this suggestion? Do you have children?

Cornettoninja · 14/12/2023 15:36

TeaKitten · 14/12/2023 15:33

If you can afford it then why not? Or book something for the 2 of you and go away with her.

Alternatively, have a short break with your DP and let her house sit while you’re gone.

HappyHamsters · 14/12/2023 15:37

Have they got covid, or seen a doctor. It's a kind thought, will the problem still be there when she gets home. Does she have caring duties with her parents. A weekend away near you will take the pressure off as long as she doesn't spend the whole time worrying about them

Original poster

VioletSkies12 · 14/12/2023 15:41

They are in their sixties so not old and infirm, neither have existing conditions. Both won’t see a doctor and I think at least one of them has covid. I don’t know why it is dragging on so much with them both but I do know it’s been an extremely long and stressful time.
I like the idea of us going away and leaving her to house sit. I might suggest that to DP. I wouldn’t be surprised if the issue remained still when she returned but the mental and emotional break will surely help.

OP posts:

Pinkdelight3 · 14/12/2023 17:08

If she lives at home with parents and works, why has she not got any money? I don't mean that you have to tell me, it would just be a factor in whether I'd spring for a hotel for her or not. She's on annual leave, so I'd find it a bit weird for her to be calling me upset and stressed, unable to take herself out of the house or find her own solution to it. Do you think she knows how nice you are and was angling for you to pay for something like this? Or is she just in much direr straits than I'm thinking, and there's a good reason why she's so skint and unable to deal with the problem herself?

Either way, I'd think that being a good listener and sympathising with her woes is friendship enough, though the housesitting is a nice idea if it's viable.

HappyHamsters · 14/12/2023 17:13

If she does stay at your house I think your dp needs to know about the possibility that they have covid. A break will do her good but you must look after your own family health first, you don't want covid for Christmas.

WhereIsBebèsChambre · 14/12/2023 18:13

As above re the covid. Do you have a spare room or would she be in your bedroom?
If you do have a spare room is there a risk she'll want to stay?
Has she ever lived on her own?

Ladyj84 · 14/12/2023 18:16

I've done this for several family members and couple of friends. Took them away for a couple of nights all expenses paid. Yes they spent half the time off loading but to see them go home and have a renewed energy boost made my day. Hubby always supports me which is even better. It's just a nice thing to do if you can afford it

Original poster

VioletSkies12 · 14/12/2023 20:17

Well she’s got money but not enough to splurge on a hotel especially with all the expense of Christmas. She’s being kept up at night and has been for ages and can’t be out all the time avoiding it.
Not sure why it is relevant why you are asking if she has always lived at home unless you want to judge her? As for her wanting to stay that wouldn’t be something that would cross her mind. If I thought she was the type that would consider that a possibility then I wouldn’t be considering asking her to stay.
She hasn’t suggested anything and is the least selfish or demanding person ever.
I think we are leaning more towards me and her going for a girls weekend now.

OP posts:

Celticliving · 14/12/2023 20:21

I think you sound like a really friend. Thank you for looking after your friend.

escapethemaze · 14/12/2023 20:31

Both have gone deaf as a result of the virus? I’ve never heard of a virus that is contagious and causes deafness.

pictoosh · 14/12/2023 20:38

escapethemaze · 14/12/2023 20:31

Both have gone deaf as a result of the virus? I’ve never heard of a virus that is contagious and causes deafness.

I often go deaf with a virus. So too do my family. I don't think it's that uncommon.
I was once deaf for nearly three months after a week-long virus.

escapethemaze · 14/12/2023 20:43

pictoosh · 14/12/2023 20:38

I often go deaf with a virus. So too do my family. I don't think it's that uncommon.
I was once deaf for nearly three months after a week-long virus.

Edited

Show quote history

but i wouldn’t say commonplace and for both to have gone so severely deaf they can’t hear a word the OP’s friend says… is unusual!

Celticliving · 14/12/2023 20:44

escapethemaze · 14/12/2023 20:31

Both have gone deaf as a result of the virus? I’ve never heard of a virus that is contagious and causes deafness.

You don't know that it's fairly common for hearing to go due to a virus? Wow. Thought it was pretty common knowledge tbh.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 14/12/2023 20:47

Could you just book one night for you and her, take her out for dinner and have a nice breakfast/mooch the following day?

It's a really lovely idea. There are a couple of really strange replies on here!

pictoosh · 14/12/2023 20:50

Unusual...I don't know. I could see it happening in here tbh. It hasn't but I wouldn't be blown away if it did.

theduchessofspork · 14/12/2023 20:57

If you can afford it then absolutely

Will she deffo use it or do you need to give her a heads up? You don’t want to book and then have it unused

theduchessofspork · 14/12/2023 20:57

escapethemaze · 14/12/2023 20:31

Both have gone deaf as a result of the virus? I’ve never heard of a virus that is contagious and causes deafness.

biter · 14/12/2023 21:17

My vote is on you two going away together for a complete break. I'm on my knees after weeks of illness and would love to do that.

Your a very kind and thoughtful friend ❤️

biter · 14/12/2023 21:17

You're. Bloody autocorrect

escapethemaze · 15/12/2023 06:58

Randomly just came across you on another thread, from a couple of days ago

where you say how utterly depressed and hopeless you are feeling atm with little joy in your life.

It sounds as though you need the break much more than your friend 💐

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