Times changed?

[Fabulosia]

I’ve been running music groups in primary schools for 35 years. At the beginning and for many years I would be festooned with boxes of chocolates, bottles of wine and home made cards at Christmas which I always hugely appreciated. This year I have 100 kids on my rosta( I go into a few schools) and I have received one card, no presents. I don’t think I’m massively greedy for ‘ stuff’ I just feel sad that the love and appreciation I used to get seems to have died out. I put on Christmas shows as an extra thing ( I don’t get paid extra for it, it’s just something I’ve always done). Not a single parent thanked me afterwards or wished me a Merry Christmas. Just feel sad and let down

It's only 14 December.

There's a cost of living crisis.

This doesn't seem to be a feminist issue.

Sorry I thought I’d posted in AIBU ?

What is your aibu?
Do you want overt gestures of gratitude for doing your job? A gong for doing a Christmas show?
Again, someone needing plaudits/gifts to validate themselves

( I don’t get paid extra for it, it’s just something I’ve always done)

How would they know that?

You're sad you're not getting gifts for doing your job.... Yes YABU

Our school have asked parents not to give gifts to teachers, a combination of Covid concerns a couple of years ago, current cost of living and the sense of obligation it can place on families when children see other class mates giving gifts and want to join in. There’s a much greater awareness of the cost of the school day in my local authority with a commitment to reducing this as much as possible. The Parent Council orders cakes or biscuits for the staff team but no individual gifts, which I agree with.

Yanbu it is a shame! I really try to raise my son to understand the importance of expressing thanks (he is in year 1). He got the teacher and ta a thank you box of chocolates for organising the Xmas singing performance. Then when it was the class party I got him to help write a thank you letter to the teacher. Teacher and TA each get a £5 Costa voucher as a xmas pressie. It's cost me very little but I do think it's important. Hopefully it'll rub off on my son, he did look pleased with himself when he gave his teacher the letter!

Thanks. It’s absolutely nothing to do with actually getting given stuff but just about the thought and appreciation especially when you’ve done extra stuff that you’re not strictly being employed for . In the past the gifts were tiny and just a gesture but I appreciated the thought so much. Kids usually made me cards , which didnt cost anything but I treasured them and kept them . Well done for encouraging that in your boy . Schools are businesses these days rather than the places of education I originally trained in. There was always a vocational ethos which saw people going the extra mile for the kids and I suppose that’s what I felt parents were acknowledging in the past. Maybe now there’s a business footing that feel has changed

A thank you wouldn’t go amiss. I thank the security man as I leave the supermarket! 😂

Saying thank you costs nothing, I think it's awful that not one parent thanked you.

Do they think they'll see you again before Christmas maybe?

Festooned doesn't mean what you think it means.

Agreed that dishing out token presents around Christmas has decreased; I used to get endless bottles of wine (that I had to find homes for because I don't drink it) and I still get occasional boxes of chocolates but definitely nowhere near as many.

I think giving alcohol to people you don't really know is less acceptable now. The rest is likely down to people being skint but yes, a thank you costs nothing.

Hmm.
Even our little village primary school has grown a lot over the last few years. There is a lot more provision now for wrap around care, after school clubs, sports clubs off site and switching and sharing of actual school time classes between TAs and NQTs and FQTs.

Each child sees a LOT more teachers/care givers during their day on average than 10 years ago. I don't think the majority of working parents these days have the mental space for buying or sorting the making of cards for every one of these people.

Sad maybe, but it's the way things are.

Festooned doesn't mean what you think it means.

Don't spoil my mental image of the OP festooned with wine and chocs!

I have absolutely no idea who runs the music groups in my DC's school - so if your school's are anything like ours is, noone will have given it a second thought!

Plus, term doesn't finish until the end of next week here - give it time!

I enjoyed that too actually 😊

I think you might have meant inundated OP, but i'm loving festooned more!

Do the parents have much contact with you if the groups are run through school?
Its just struck me that ds has music lessons and sports lessons taught by outside people during normal school hours, and while I have got small gifts for his teacher and TA I hadn’t even considered those others. Not because I’m struggling, or mean, but I’ve simply never met them. The teacher and TA I see all the time.
Times have changed, especially since covid. I’m sure they still appreciate what you do for the kids.

I thank my doctor when they do their job. I thank the bus driver every time I'm exiting a bus. I thank the supermarket cashier.

Saying thank you for a job well done is just basic manners, and they have become a lot more rare over the last few years.

Cards are dying out; many people are far more environmentally conscious and will not write a card now for that reason. I'd assume similar with home-made cards. Gits are similar, although the cost of those in the middle of a financial crisis will also play a role.

But no one has ever been charged or polluted the world to simply say thank you.

And, yes, I understand why that can make you feel taken for granted, OP.

Do the parents have much contact with you if the groups are run through school?

This is what I'm wondering. We only have contact with our children's class teachers and TAs. We might hear of other teachers brought in for specific subjects, but we wouldn't meet them or have enough of a relationship to know what they do for our children. I'm wondering if there has been a similar change to the way your services are provided, which has put you at a remove from the parents?

I think it's really sad that so many people think thank you cards are anachronistic. They're such an easy way to show appreciation.

I’m actually in regular contact with the parents of the kids I teach… I email info out to them all the time and am available online for advice and feedback so they all know me.

Thanks so much to the few people who’ve expressed sympathy / empathy

I actually feel bad this year for not giving presents to all my kids coaches/unit leaders. It's just too much. Even if I just got them a £5 token gift, it would be well over £50. I do appreciate then and always say thank you at the end of every session or occasion and I know my kids do too. Some of the clubs/lessons have asked for donations to food banks to be brought in for the last session instead, which we've done. I think a lot of coaches prefer this now and the money that we'd spend on a small gift goes a lot further when it's a bag full of stuff for the food bank.

I guess it all depends on the parents as my 2 year old has been to 2 of his weekly toddler classes today (the last of the year) and both teachers got some cookies that I had baked for them and Christmas cards that he had coloured in 🤗