Would you judge me?

[silverheartstogether]

I'm off work sick currently with mental health difficulties as a result of relationship problems and other factors. I hit a really low crisis point last weekend and I've been forced to take this week off as my head is just not in a good place. I'm getting support from professionals with this. Thing is, I've only been in my job a few months and I'm also in quite a senior role in healthcare. I have people who I manage/supervise etc. I'm concerned that I'll be judged for being in this situation.

I think I have two questions here. 1) Am I doing the right thing to take the time I need? And 2) If you were my colleague would you judge me or see me as "weak" if I was in a supervisory position to you but was off work struggling with my mental health?

Nope I wouldn’t judge at all. I would see it as a good thing that you’re looking after your mental health. I think you did the right thing taking time off. You and your health are more important than your job.

There is strength in admitting when you need help, especially with mental health.
It is easy and very weak IMO to judge someone who is struggling.
I wouldn’t judge you at all. Take the time you need 💐

I had this with a manager (we are good friends so she told me why). No judgement at all here and I worked hard to ensure that on her return there was as little as possible for her to catch up with - which she very much appreciated and eased her return.

take the time you need to recover- mental health is just as important and physical health

No, I wouldn't judge you at all. Just because you're a) relatively new to the role and b) in a senior position, that doesn't mean you're immune to the stresses and traumas of life outside work. If someone was going through an awful time on a personal level and felt like they were at breaking point, I would absolutely expect them to need and take some time off.

I'd want my manager to take time off for mental health reasons if she needed it. I don't want to be managed by someone who thinks you have to soldier on through the worst kind of personal upheavals and pretend everything's OK, because that isn't a healthy way to behave.

Can you get the home stressors sorted out?

And no, I wouldn't judge you.

Most of my small team have had to take time out for MH reasons - except for the manager, who probably causes most of the stress!

Hope you feel stronger soon.

I'd say yes and yes, you do need to take the time off but it's likely that you'll be judged for it.

If people know the reason for you taking the time off they will be sympathetic if they are decent human beings. Problems occur when employees see someone else taking a lot of time off, don't know there's a good reason and get frustrated because human nature is to see the worst in people and they'll assume you're just skiving.

You're entitled to confidentiality (and the employer must maintain this confidentiality) but if people don't know the reason, that's when they judge.

It's unrealistic to suggest no one will judge however if you're not well, you're not well. End of. Recuperate and recover.

Yes I would judge, you are new to role, already taking time off and its your home life that is causing the issues, so what are you doing to sort that out, or will it be a reoccuring theme??
Sorry to be blunt but you did ask!

No I wouldn't judge. I work in healthcare and totally agree everyone gossips. Well not me and a few others but nearly everyone.
Be proud you're getting help. Some people can't work at all because of mental health issues. Hopefully you'll be back soon.

I think the people saying you’re taking the piss have probably never dealt with mental health issues severe enough to warrant time off. I imagine you haven’t taken this decision lightly.

I am also very new to my role. I’m not senior but I am a professional with a caseload that I definitely need to be in work to deal with. However, I have a long term mental illness that for the most part is stable and controlled but I do get periods of ill health where I can’t work. I’m currently off for that reason just now.

People judging you and being unsympathetic are one of the reasons for continued stigma and shit attitudes towards mental health. Just because you’re senior doesn’t mean you can’t get ill. And just because you’re new to the role doesn’t mean you should ignore your ill health and make yourself worse to prove yourself to colleagues. You’ll just end up needing more time off in the long run, which helps precisely no one.

My suggestion to you is to block out thoughts of whether people are judging you are not. As the responses have shown here, there will always be a minority of judgey types who think they're clearly perfect and have never put a foot wrong at work or had any vulnerability or weakness (yeah right).
Saying just because someone is senior or actually works in healthcare that they should be some kind of super hero with no health issues mental or otherwise is bollocks and a recipe for a very toxic culture based on burnout and resentment.
yes it's hard in healthcare and other public sector roles right now but it is a systemic problem that needs to be solved systemically, not one for individuals to have to shoulder and then snipe and get resentful at each other, ultimately at the expense of their sanity. Also keeping going just means these problems will actually never get solved at a higher level.
Just focus on making the best use of this time to get yourself in a better place and then when you go back shake it off, focus on your job, check in with your team to make sure they are all ok, pick yourself up and move on. There might be some gossip, just block it out. They have no idea if this is going to be a recurring thing or not.

I honestly think whether people judge on things like this depends entirely on their own experience/encounters with mental health, and on the work environment. Anyone who has struggled in the past, or who has supported someone struggling, will not judge. And the work environment can go either way, for example where I currently work I truly don’t think anybody would pass judgement, there would be no gossiping about you etc. BUT the previous team I worked on there were multiple times colleagues went off sick with mental health- one was after going through a divorce, and while they were off it was constant office gossip, everybody saying it was ridiculous to take time off due to a break up etc etc.

As others have said, you need to just try and look past any judgement. People judge what they don’t understand, if you need the time then you need the time.

And for those posters making the point that home stress can appear all the time, and “how do you plan to deal with it you can’t be off all the time”, surely that’s a point to be made AFTER someone has repeatedly been off (if at all)?

@silverheartstogether Please don't worry what other people think. I have mental health issues too and I know I get judged sometimes. It can be upsetting but I've learnt that no one else understands fully what you go through. It's better to focus on doing everything in your power to get better and deal with the root cause of your illness.
If you focus on other people's opinions, it can slow down recovery. I'm so sorry that your situation at home is such a problem, I hope so much that you can resolve it. Sending much love. 🤗💐

If I worked for you I would be very happy knowing that you understand what it's like when people struggle with their mental health and that you would presumably be sympathetic towards others who suffer. Luckily I haven't had any struggles in that area yet but like a PP has said, it can happen to anyone.

As someone who has had a period of sickness due to mental health I would be relieved to have a manager who understood. It makes a massive difference.

I would judge you. That’s because if you’ve only been there for a very short time I likely have very little idea about who you really are so any early red flag becomes far for relevant than it might be for someone I’ve worked with for a long time.

Your issue is not so much your circumstances but those of others. Mental health is an issue for some but it is also used as a vehicle for many to hide behind when they want time off. If you are a genuine case it is very difficult to differentiate yourself from the slackers who are abusing the condition.

It is very much like back pain back used to be.

Have a look at the stats on rates sickness due to back pain over time vs rates of sickness due to stress. As absence due to back pain miraculously started to reduce, absence due to stress went up. The reality is that both conditions were used by many who just wanted time off work for non sickness reasons. The relatively small number of genuine cases often get tarred with the same brush.

I'm freelance and had shifts booked for this month as it's a busy time of year for us. I had a bout of anxiety hit me, it does periodically and usually I can use the techniques I've learnt to curb it but this bout has been particularly bad. I've cancelled my shifts for this months (I had done 3) but won't do any more till after New year and will start back up slowly. People can think what they like and I know when employed in a job there is a guilt associated with taking time off at Christmas and putting pressure on others whilst already being short-staffed. I'm self employed now and absolutely put myself first now.

Take the time you need to take care of yourself.

I wouldn't judge you.

You are unwell. If you had broken your leg or had the flu you would take time off. This is no different.

It's very validating when you hear someone has taken time out for this reason, or emergency time to attend to family or whatever. A lot of companies encourage us to look after our mental health, but it's only when you see/know that it is being done that it feels genuine. So I would judge the company for being a good employer. And id have no negative judgement for you! God no. It is further validated as you are senior. I hope i you feel well soon. Don't worry about this stuff.

You sound very reasonable, and as if you are managing the situation intelligently. As others have said, while it's very challenging working in situations where colleagues or line managers are missing on health grounds for long periods, that really isn't something that is anything to do with you, or that you can change. It also isn't specific to MH, unless it's from the POV that sees recovery times as more nebulous. Best wishes for your recovery.

If it's a diagnosed mental health condition then I understand that. If feeling like absolute crap and miserable then I would have sympathy for a day or so but otherwise I would expect someone to just soldier on because there's all sorts of curve balls that people just need to deal with...

If your absences cause colleagues extra work, or hold up progress of their work, it may get talked about.
Whether this then turned judgemental depends on the type of people the colleagues are, and the ethos of that workplace.
But none of this should stop you taking time off sick.
I wish you well.