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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think he should pay?

57 replies

Snowange98 · 14/12/2023 00:45

I’ve been meeting up with my ex and talking things through but the other day we got into an argument. He recently had knee surgery and had metal plates in and has crutches to help get around. We were sat in my car and were arguing over something and I was staying calm but he loses his temper quickly. All of a sudden he banged his crutches into my windscreen and it caused quite a bad crack down the passenger side. I do have insurance that covers my windscreen but my excess is around £80 for this that I have to pay for a full new windscreen as it reduces my visibility and wouldn’t be legal to drive around with it like that. He’s refusing to pay or help towards this cost. Basically just told me on a text no won’t be paying. Aibu to think he should? I’m just so upset that this has happened.

OP posts:

Willyoujustbequiet · 14/12/2023 10:49

Report him to the police.

If he's capable of that he could well go further with his partner in future.

happyduckk · 14/12/2023 11:11

I would suggest you report it as criminal damage and threatening behaviour with the police, since it was intentional and he is refusing to take responsibility. You can make a report via their online portal.

Include that information on your insurance claim.

WowOK · 14/12/2023 11:15

MyopicBunny · 14/12/2023 01:03

I would think that this is criminal damage and as such you can report it to the police. I would threaten him with that.

It's all very well people saying pay £80 to get him out of your life - sorry, what?? £80 is a lot of money to some people and why should this a-hole get away with it?

I'd also report it to the police. Its criminal damage.

Sugarsun · 14/12/2023 11:16

In theory, yes he should pay.

But I think it’s more important to cut all contact with him and not see or speak to him ever again.

I would think about reporting it to the non emergency police but definitely have no contact with him.

WhereYouLeftIt · 14/12/2023 11:17

"I’ve been meeting up with my ex and talking things through"

Why? Were you considering getting back together? I hope this has well and truly knocked that notion on the head. He's an aggressive, abusive arsehole who you should give a wide berth to. NEVER agree to meet with him again.

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 14/12/2023 11:49

Yes he should pay but no, he won't. Unless you have property etc you own together and must speak, I'd block him on everything and move on.

Ohmylovejune · 14/12/2023 11:54

£80 is cheap for the realisation he is an ex for a reason.

Try and get it but don't assume you will.

Pay it and move on. One day you'll meet someone who is under control and takes responsibility. In the meantime, you are better off on your own and treat the £80 as a release fee!

Hellenika · 14/12/2023 11:56

Yes he should pay. If you have access to his car insurance info, you could have your insurance call his car insurance to file a claim that way. All you need is his Reg Plate number and the company he has insurance with.

Wishimaywishimight · 14/12/2023 11:56

Of course he should, you know that but it really doesn't sound like he's a decent sort who will.

Perhaps time to stop meeting up to "talk things through" - surely you don't want to reconcile with such a person?

DelphiniumBlue · 14/12/2023 11:58

If it was an accident, and he cared about you, of course he would offer to pay. Which makes me think that it wasn't an accident, and that he doesn't care.
And that he's violent and actually wants to cause you upset and pain.
So hopefully you will see this as the massive warning sign it is and cut all contact.
And like an earlier poster said, consider changing your car to one he won't recognise.

FictionalCharacter · 14/12/2023 11:58

Of course he should have paid, but he won't and you can't make him.
Hopefully you'll never again try to talk things through with an aggressive man who loses his temper violently and damages your property.

grumpycow1 · 14/12/2023 11:59

He should pay but the bigger issue is that you will now cut him off and never talk to him again, won’t you?! £80 is a small price to pay to learn that he is a violent twat who deserves never to be in your life again.

WhatInTheAcasIsGoingOn · 14/12/2023 12:12

I'd report it to the police so you at least have a crime number for the insurers. I replaced a windscreen once due to road stone chips and forgot all about it until my renewal came up and it got bumped up because of the claim. It's annoying and whether you report him or not you'll still have all the extra costs but at least he'll have some shit on him too. 🤷

Lamelie · 14/12/2023 12:15

I’d love to know his rationale.

IncompleteSenten · 14/12/2023 12:17

He should pay but clearly he's not going to.

Consider £80 the cost of truly learning there's no point trying to talk things through with him and confirmation that it really is best he stays an ex.

And let it be the last time he gets in your car.

Ohtobetwentytwo · 14/12/2023 12:22

I'd text him and say he has 24 hours to cough up or you be talking to the police about criminal damage. And follow through. I'd probably ask under one of those domestic abuse laws about him and stay the hell away from him.

MissBuffyAnneSummers · 14/12/2023 12:24

He should pay. It will cost you £35 to take him to the small claims court. Financially maybe not worth it but could give you a lot of satisfaction.

Make a court claim for money: Court fees - GOV.UK (www.gov.uk)

Make a court claim for money

How to take legal action if someone owes you money (small claims court), how much it costs, what happens next. Includes information from withdrawn guidance EX303, EX304, EX306, EX321, EX325 and EX350.

https://www.gov.uk/make-court-claim-for-money/court-fees

mottytotty · 14/12/2023 12:26

He's a cunt. Do you have anything of his that you can keep?

WaltzingWaters · 14/12/2023 12:26

Yea he should pay. Doubt he will. So just block him. Do not engage again. Ever. Next time it could be you he smashes.

rainbowsparkle28 · 14/12/2023 12:27

Report to police for criminal damage and pay for it and move on and avoid him like a barge pole - he sounds like an absolute arse. You are far better no contact or anything and him out of your life.

Frasers · 14/12/2023 12:28

I really think it’s better to stop arguing over shit. He’s not going to pay. So you pay and block him.

PegasusReturns · 14/12/2023 12:30

Report it to the police - if a stranger smashed your windscreen you would.

it won’t help you get your money back but I’d be very concerned this will escalate. Make it clear from the off you do not tolerate abuse.

TeaGinandFags · 14/12/2023 13:05

Report to the police as this is exactly the type of violent behaviour they get paid to deal with. It is classic abusive behaviour and needs stopping NOW.

Will it get you your £80? Hard to say but it will tell him he doesn't get to throw a strop the minute he doesn't get his way.

And get the fuck away from him.

youwouldthink · 14/12/2023 13:16

I'd pay the £80 and save the screenshot of the transaction as my screensaver in case I would ever be tempted to speak to this idiot again.

Newestname002 · 14/12/2023 14:27

@Snowange98

I was staying calm but he loses his temper quickly. All of a sudden he banged his crutches into my windscreen and it caused quite a bad crack down the passenger side.

I wouldn't want someone this volatile in my life, taking out their frustrations and anger on me and my possessions.

He's an Ex for a reason surely - why invite such negativity back in your life? 🌹

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