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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my partner to stop being on his phone

14 replies

8008S · 13/12/2023 22:56

This evening I asked my partner to stop being on his phone, he ended up getting angry and decided he’s sleeping downstairs tonight.

A bit of context, he has always been, what I would call, addicted to his phone. I wouldn’t mind it so much before, except for we used to go out for food I’d be sat watching him scroll through his phone.

We now have a DD, 3 mo and I don’t want to bring her up watching us being on our phones all the time. Granted, I go on my phone but mainly just to update the app when she’s peed or eating and so on, or to take pictures, which may I add he never does, but that’s a different pet peeve. When she’s sleeping or feeding it’s a different story, and it doesn’t bother me when he’s on his phone then, and I go on mine too.

The other evening I asked him to stop being on his phone as she was looking over at him, in the end he threw his phone. Again this evening I asked and it turned into a bit of an argument, with him claiming that he “can’t do anything in his own house” and “I’m always telling him what to do” then he decided he’s going to sleep on the sofa.

His grandfather recently passed away, and I know it’s hard for him and everyone copes in their own way and he said that’s how he copes. But I can’t help feeling that it’s a bit of a cop out as he would be on his phone just as much before he passed.

Am I being unreasonable asking him to get off his phone?

OP posts:
HungryandIknowit · 13/12/2023 22:59

Not sure what others will say but I don't think you are being unreasonable. I would want someone who is present with me and children.

vodkaredbullgirl · 13/12/2023 23:02

Some people are attached to their phone, I wouldn't nag him too much. You lo is only 3 months old they won't know.

Does he do anything else with the baby, when he is not on his phone?

Original poster
8008S · 13/12/2023 23:04

vodkaredbullgirl · 13/12/2023 23:02

Some people are attached to their phone, I wouldn't nag him too much. You lo is only 3 months old they won't know.

Does he do anything else with the baby, when he is not on his phone?

He’s grate with her when he’s not on his phone and I always give him credit for that. It just feels like his phone is always his top priority, where as I always try to prioritise the people around me.
maybe we just see things differently idk.

OP posts:
punnetofcherries · 13/12/2023 23:07

What do you mean when you say you only 'go on the app to update when she's peed or eaten?'

Is this for real?

Why do you have your update a bloody app? Live in the moment?!

vodkaredbullgirl · 13/12/2023 23:08

Some men find the baby stage a bit boring.

Rachaelrachael · 13/12/2023 23:08

It's shit OP and it gets worse when the baby gets older. The amount of times I see my toddler trying to communicate with her dad and being ignored because he's too engrossed in his phone to even hear her. Makes me so sad 😢

GilesRupert · 13/12/2023 23:10

I'm with you. My husband is always on his phone. Child is now 1 and I hate that she sees him do it. I grew up with a father who was only ever half listening to me because his focus was on something else (pre-phones so usually a book or newspaper) and I hated it. I've talked to my husband about it but it hasn't changed anything and ultimately I can't tell him what he can and can't do. All I can do is try my best to stay off my own phone and give my daughter my full attention.

Original poster
8008S · 13/12/2023 23:10

punnetofcherries · 13/12/2023 23:07

What do you mean when you say you only 'go on the app to update when she's peed or eaten?'

Is this for real?

Why do you have your update a bloody app? Live in the moment?!

So I know how many wet nappies she’s had, how many feeds she’s had or how long she’s slept for? I don't think that’s unreasonable at all.

OP posts:
ChristmasSteps295 · 13/12/2023 23:13

Expecting someone to not be on their phone at dinner is reasonable. Expecting someone to not be on their phone because a three month old baby is looking at them isn't.

GreigeO · 13/12/2023 23:14

So I know how many wet nappies she’s had, how many feeds she’s had or how long she’s slept for

why do you need to know that? Surely your brain can register these things, without having to log it in an app?

LusaBatoosa · 13/12/2023 23:15

punnetofcherries · 13/12/2023 23:07

What do you mean when you say you only 'go on the app to update when she's peed or eaten?'

Is this for real?

Why do you have your update a bloody app? Live in the moment?!

What a strange comment.

Lots of parents track of sleep, nappies and feeds. It’s got nothing to do with ‘living in the moment’. It means you’re able to see trends, recognise issues and note any changes or developments. All of which is very useful when you have a three month old.

Foxblue · 13/12/2023 23:17

vodkaredbullgirl · 13/12/2023 23:08

Some men find the baby stage a bit boring.

They do, thankfully any good dad would still put the effort in and pay attention to his child rather than letting his partner do all the engagement.

LusaBatoosa · 13/12/2023 23:18

GreigeO · 13/12/2023 23:14

So I know how many wet nappies she’s had, how many feeds she’s had or how long she’s slept for

why do you need to know that? Surely your brain can register these things, without having to log it in an app?

why do you need to know that?

Some of these comments are so odd. Do you have children? As the answer to that is self evident, surely?

Surely your brain can register these things, without having to log it in an app?

Fabulous that your brain works like that. Not everyone’s does. Fortunately, said people have apps.

LusaBatoosa · 13/12/2023 23:20

8008S · 13/12/2023 23:10

So I know how many wet nappies she’s had, how many feeds she’s had or how long she’s slept for? I don't think that’s unreasonable at all.

Show quote history

It’s not unreasonable at all. Or even particularly unusual. It’s AIBU and some posters need to find something - anything at all - to be snide about.

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