To be comparing myself to others/feeling like a failure ?

[TornIntoPieces]

So, I'm really struggling at the moment and realise that it's irrational to some degree.

I'm working full time, have ADHD (diagnosed), doing my MA, have a child and also doing placement. I'm knackered. There's a lot going on in the family and I'm needed a lot - hence the username.

I feel on the edge of sickness and burnout most weeks, but have generally always done well academically. Undergrad was a 1st, have a PG Dip already in another subject and doing well job wise. However, in my recent assignment I scored 61% only. It's over a pass but I can't help but feel so upset and borderline petulant over it. I need to get a grip.

Why am I struggling with this so much?!

Bump!!!

Because you are not used to doing things just 'well enough', as it never happened until now.

But circumstances change and your life is now at a time where you feel 'torn into pieces' by your own admission. There's your answer - you are overwhelmed. Which is normal right now.

Also, the ADHD is a little negative voice on your shoulder pointing out all the things you could be doing better/have done better in the past. It's a bastard and it's wrong. You have done the best you can in this particular assigment in the present circumstnaces.

Plus 'good enough' really is 'good enough'.

61% is in the good bracket. Your work was GOOD. Well done.

We all compare ourselves to others. It's a human thing made worse with modern communication and social media...or as we call it fake book. It is all to easy to look at others posting about their great results, fab kids, big important jobs...you don't see the fact that they are broke, their marriage isn't going well, the kids don't do anything to help.

Concentrate on you. 61% is excellent. In 10 years no one is going to care if you passed with a distinction or just scraped by. A pass is a pass is a pass.

I was always great at school, excellent in exams then got the a level and the fact I was actually lazy and relied on my good memory to get through exams bit me on the arse....failed miserably!

I still got a decent job and can afford to retire at 55

You might have to dig deeper into the past to understand why. We’re you only praised for top marks/ overachieving as a child? Was parental love/peer acceptance dependent on academic success?
I was in the same boat as you and you have to let it go. 61% is a good mark. Once you are qualified, nobody is going to care (including you). I though I was going to die of shame when I got a D in one of my assignments. Didn’t stop me from getting 85% for my masters thesis though. And even that nobody but me cares about now.

ADHD burnout is real, and you are still achieving great results, sounds like you need a bit of time out (I have ADHD), I get overwhelmed, just completed a masters got 2:1 but also doing PGC for work in a ye
ar and single parent to 3, one who is autistic. I have definitely reached burnout, look after yourself please x

Thank you all for some perspective.
@Catza Yes, I've done a lot of personal therapy as part of my studying and the root is definitely due to my own self-worth being tied to material things such as academic success and appearance. It's hard to shake.

Thank you everyone