To think football and gaming should take a back seat

[Ns96]

I’ve been with my partner for 2 years now, we have a 1yr old and I have an older daughter from a previous relationship. Since my youngest was born I have been left to do pretty much everything alone.
partner works, full time however when he gets home he is straight on the X-Box, or watching a football match, or having his dinner and leaves me to feed the children and do bedtime. This happens pretty much every night unless I suggest he puts the youngest to bed, but even then it’s met with rolling eyes and a “I was going to XYZ instead but ok”.
My family spend every Sunday afternoon together at dinner but he regularly misses it just to watch football and I’m left with both kids, alone at a family event.
I’ve had enough of it now, I feel as though I may as well have been a single parent for the last year. He doesn’t drive so I do all the food shopping and running around for nursery drop off’s & pick up’s, I take him to and from work if there’s any issues with public transport, but I never get a thanks.
I know the way he was raised has a lot to do with his behaviour, I stupidly thought he might change once baby arrived however I feel like his social life, gaming and sports interests are his priority and me and the kids are expected to take a back seat.
His parents let us use their house for our Gender Reveal, I was given a deadline to have the balloon popped and the gender revealed because people had to leave to get to a football game - and the people who weren’t physically attending the game, left me and my oldest alone in the garden whilst they all sat in the living room around the TV for 2 hours - this should have been my hint to leave him!
He went 6 weeks without changing a single nappy for the youngest because he left everything to me, I can count the number of times he has put her to bed/down for a nap, he hasn’t been alone with her For longer than 2 hours and doesn’t know how to make a bottle…AIBU to think he’s absolutely useless? Has anybody had a similar experience and things started to improve when baby was older/could interact more?

What do you like about him? He doesn't sound involved at all

I’d say cut your losses and split.
What age is your older daughter?

Ditch him. He won’t change, he doesn’t want to. He’s either not that bothered about the baby or he thinks childcare (and I’m guessing cooking and cleaning) is woman’s work. You were optimistic to think he would change and it must be awful to know you and your child come below gaming and sport. I’d stop fighting it and just be a single parent, claim maintenance, rather than feeling like one with the added heartache and disappointment of being let down.

Why would you assume he would change?

He needs to step up to help but as an avid football fan I too would be swerving an every Sunday family meal to watch matches important to me. Personally if there was a match important to the family I wouldn't have arranged a gender reveal for then (in fact I wouldn't have one anyway). The reality is different things are important to different people. I can't bear gaming but do love football. Either way, and whatever his passion, he needs to pull his weight in caring for the baby.

She’s 4, I was a single parent from the day she was born until my now partner came into our lives when she was 2, he’s always been good to her and told everyone how he “see’s her as his own” - which I think is why I was lead to believe he’d be a great dad to our youngest….however once she came he got lazier and lazier!

I think you are not compatible. You got together and got pregnant within a few months. You didn't know ea higher well enough and it would have probably ended had yoj more got pregnant.

Though I would say I wouldn't feel obliged to go my inlaws house every week. I would be skipping some as well. That I don't think is that bad.

I stupidly thought he might change once baby arrived

Sorry, op, but this wraps it up. This is who he is, and you've known it from the beginning. The only thing left is to decide is if this is how you want to live for the rest of your life.

I know what I would do.

@Spirallingdownwards - I understand important matches however the gender reveal match was moved from the following day so it wasn’t organised on the day of the match - and every Sunday his parents come to ours to see our youngest and I’m expected to be here but he can’t return the favour - if I make plans for a Sunday morning I’m expected to cancel or make sure I’m back by a certain time so his parents don’t feel uncomfortable however he’s happy to ditch my family occasions for a match

People don't change. Shitty fathers do not magically transform into caring, responsible fathers over time.

You can't control who he is, how much he cares, how responsible of a father he wants to be. You can only control your own actions.

You can stay with him and accept him how he is, build a life of your own, with support from elsewhere, accept you're just with him for the holidays and for money.

Or leave, decide to be a single mum, knowing he will be Disney dad, will pay the minimum, and will barely see the kids. But at least you don't need to give a shit about another adult, you have control over your own life.

Your options are not great but you do have choices.

Jesus why have you waited this long to dump him?! What a waste of space...

You've been treat like a mug

He can be unhappy.

If you have plans and he expects you to cancel point out that he doesn't always go to visit your family. And go do what you are doing.

Neither of you are obliged to be at every family gathering.

That's said he still sounds shit. He won't change. As I said, you may find you weren't even together if you hadn't had a baby. You are not compatible. You want him to be a certain way and he isn't.