Did anyone here have to see their parent in a contact centre? Or have an adult child who did?

CandyFluff99 · 2023-12-13T17:49:54+00:00

How do you feel about it now? Do you have a good relationship with that parent? Did you ever ask why you had to see them in a contact centre? My child sees his dad in a contact centre (they now just facilitate handovers). Wondering how he may feel about it when he's older. I can't imagine figuring out when I'm older that my dad was likely abusive. I know I can't predict the future but curious about other people's opinions.

Haveyouanyjam · 13/12/2023 18:08

I didn’t see a parent in a contact centre, but my DSS saw my husband in a contact centre initially (his mum had exposed him to a lot and his dad had only recently turned his life around) and has seen his mum in a contact centre for most of the last couple of years. With my husband he didn’t bat an eyelid as it was temporary and he was only 4. With his mum he prefers community contact as there are more things to do but otherwise doesn’t seem to mind. He knows his mum has issues with alcohol and mental health (and aggression) though so he is already aware there are concerns about her behaviour. I don’t think the contact centre itself matters really, I think it’s about how the parent makes them feel and if they show up consistently for contact and make an effort. My DSS is only really fussed on the times when his mum doesn’t show rather than where or what they are doing, understandably. He never seems to care about the presence of workers, just if she shows up and how she behaves if she does. He’s nearly 9.

Original poster

CandyFluff99 · 13/12/2023 18:18

Haveyouanyjam · 13/12/2023 18:08

I didn’t see a parent in a contact centre, but my DSS saw my husband in a contact centre initially (his mum had exposed him to a lot and his dad had only recently turned his life around) and has seen his mum in a contact centre for most of the last couple of years. With my husband he didn’t bat an eyelid as it was temporary and he was only 4. With his mum he prefers community contact as there are more things to do but otherwise doesn’t seem to mind. He knows his mum has issues with alcohol and mental health (and aggression) though so he is already aware there are concerns about her behaviour. I don’t think the contact centre itself matters really, I think it’s about how the parent makes them feel and if they show up consistently for contact and make an effort. My DSS is only really fussed on the times when his mum doesn’t show rather than where or what they are doing, understandably. He never seems to care about the presence of workers, just if she shows up and how she behaves if she does. He’s nearly 9.

Glad the contact centre hasn't been an issue. He's still very young though. I'm really curious about adults and older teens who saw their parents in a contact centre and how they feel about it now. I'm really worried he will ask me questions I won't be able to answer (to be fair I'm worried about that now!)

OP posts:

Eekmystro · 13/12/2023 18:43

I didn’t see a parent in a contact centre but I was involved with social care as a child and accessed records about it as an adult. Personally I wish people had been more honest with me (in a child friendly way) when I was younger.

Im thinking if he has a child friendly explanation now, it will just be what it is. He’ll grow up understanding it. Instead of having a revelation when he’s an adult and having to figure things out for himself.

Also if there are elements of risk to son, it makes sense he is aware of that and knows people are helping to keep him safe.

just my 2 pence worth. P

Thighdentitycrisis · 13/12/2023 19:07

Mine did but they were only 2-3 and I haven’t asked if they remember. They are adults now. How old is your dc?

thedamnseason · 13/12/2023 19:34

Being honest in an age appropriate way is important.
When kids don't have the understanding around their story, they fill the gaps.

Does your child ever ask questions about their dad and why they go to a contact centre?

Courtnightmares · 13/12/2023 19:50

My daughter sees her father in a contact centre. It's been three years. She's 5. She's seen him in the contact centre longer than out of it. It's her normality. She asks me no questions. She's very aware that something went wrong with her father that's why she sees him there. He's pushing for contact out of the contact centre. This terrifies me and I know unsettles her.
All in all, I describe her relationship as a superficial contact centre relationship with her fun daddy. They just have fun. No actual parenting graft is done. She has expressed she hates the journey there as its 1.5 hours and she has told him she misses me when she's there. Unfortunately, he ignores her.