Am I being overbearing?

[GK1987]

Hi

i am a first time mother to a beautiful 10 month old and have a great partner (brilliant dad).
I’m naturally anxious, it’s my base level anyway, so I’m anxious about my baby too. I’m the primary care giver but my husband is great with our baby too, but admittedly he gets a lot of “careful” (though I have been mindful of that from the start) or pointers from me when he’s looking after her. sometimes he’s grateful cos he didn’t know something but other times he’s just rolling his eyes nearly. I think I’m being helpful but he thinks it’s categorising him as a second rate dad. We had a chat about it cos he has been off with me about it a few times and says it’s accumulation of all the comments. It’s hard cos it’s obviously my personality so it’s hard to change it. I trust him with her so it’s not like I have to go everywhere with them or supervise or anything like that. On the flip side I would hate it if I was him and I was being reminded of things.

No
It's not your personality
It's your behaviour

So you can change it.

Doing things differently does not automatically mean it is being done wrong.

I expect your husband feels rather brow beaten. What is it you're hoping to achieve by behaving this way?

I can understand its tremendously anxiety inducing for you, but your husband is also a parent too. You have to let him learn and find his own way in some things too. It's not all about following your way.

This situation has the capacity to escalate and build into a huge ball of resentment if it carries on.

The wrappers in mouth was an oversight on his part, but again its his mistake. Brow beating him wouldn't have changed that.

Personally, you sound infuriating but its positive you're receptive to feedback.

I’m with @HotGirlInHell. If you don’t bustle around at work correcting your colleagues every time they don’t do something the way you would do it, you’ve learned to zip it in certain contexts. Do that at home. It’s not a medical issue. It’s a matter of letting your partner learn parenting, just as you did. Leave him to it and go out and do something fun.

And absolutely to whoever said looking after a baby not being especially difficult. Drudgery at times, but not requiring difficult decisions, quick thinking, complex skills. He’ll figure it out, just like you are.

I agree with PPs. This isn't your personality, it's your behaviour and you'll continue to do it as long as you get away with it. You are now beginning to see that you are not actually getting away with it, you are having to deal with your husband reacting to your behaviour.

You probably don't do it at work, or with friends? So, stop doing it to your husband. Constant critisism wears people down, and your daughter will hear you every single time. Don't be the person who teaches her this. Just stop it.

I think it's understandable if he's a bit lax on safety tbh.