I’m never wrong

[SarcasmAndCoffee]

How do you deal with a partner who’s “never wrong?”

example - I tell DH he’s done X and it has left me feeling hurt or upset. Instead of saying sorry or “I can see why you feel that way”, he’ll try (imo) to start an argument on one minor detail that I didn’t include to try and change the whole context of the conversation. It’s exhausting and has happened our whole relationship although iv only just realised it. He will be so fixated on this one minor detail and making me look like I’m in the wrong rather then just admitting he was abit of a dick.

it’s exhausting and he will put me down to the point I snap and then he has a reason to be annoyed at me.

(he has lots of brilliant qualities obviously but this is becoming a real big issue now that I have realised I am not solely the problem!)

im [ ] this close to leaving the relationship although I can’t afford the house on my own at all, and have two dc plus I’m booked in to have our third next week.

no amount of me being calm and reasonable can diffuse this situation and I’m sick of it. Please tell me I’m not alone and I’m not the problem? I’m always made to feel that it’s all my fault to the point I’m questioning everything

Classic gaslighting. Apart from telling him in a complete no nonsense way, every time he does it, until he gets the message, I have nothing else to add.

It does sound irritating but is it possible you are hyper-sensitive right now due to being heavily pregnant and with two young DC? Doesn't mean that there isn't a problem, but is this the time to make it the breaking point?

I am sure many others on here will have more practical advice on how to manage conversations like this. I have a partner who does similar and I have never managed to resolve it. But I did learn to live with it. It's enormously frustrating but I decided his good qualities outweighed this quite significant bad one. Although in the moment of the argument, that can be quite hard to remember.

Good luck with your impending new arrival and I'm sorry you're feeling this way in the run-up!

This was one of my ex's tactics which led to the eventual breakup of our relationship. Over time I gradually stopped calling him out on things as he would twist it round on me and I'd end up in tears. Sometimes he'd apologise afterwards, he knew he was in the wrong.
Honestly OP this is a really bad sign. I suggest you read up on coercive control and emotional abuse.

I am definitely more sensitive yes, but this is also an issue from pre pregnancy that I have only just become aware of, however your right, probably not the right time to make a big decision like that.

I feel the same in that dh has many amazing qualities that I have never found in anyone else but yes, it’s a really hard trait to live with. I think I’m starting to build up a resentment from having to bow down to it even when he’s in the wrong. Sometimes it’s hard not to let pride get in the way but I’m feeling frustrated as I think he genuinely believes he can do no wrong.

thank you! 💜

Thanks will have a look. Not something I have ever looked at

My ex husband used to do this. I would bring up something that he’d done that had hurt me and he would turn it into an argument about something I’d done and it would end up in a horrible row.

I did eventually resolve it to some extent by learning to stay very calm and replying that we weren’t talking about anything I’d done right now and that if he had any complaints about my behaviour, he should bring them up when they happened and not at a time when I wanted to address something he’d done. I’d then reiterate what he’d done and the effect it had on me and make him address it.

I would have to be very firm though and refuse to allow him to sidetrack me and stay calm.

Good luck OP. I’m sure it’s a common tactic.

You’re not alone. I see it as a desperate demand for power and respect which ultimately backfires - the recipient mentally cancels. How to deal with it in the meantime? I wish I knew as Always Right doesn’t listen.
Best of luck for next week.

My MIL is like this. Even when she has been factually proved to be incorrect, she'll be saying "oh but I thought you meant this" or whatever.

Would you consider counselling? As it seems that this is the only issue in your marriage. A good counsellor will help you improve the communication in your marriage.

Dh is rarely wrong and that is quite irritating. But we do remind him when he has been.

'I'm never wrong'
'No, you just can't ADMIT when you're wrong, big difference'

So you are married to a right-fighter
He wants to be right all the time, meaning that he delights in making you the loser.
Trying to reason with him will probably be unsuccessful, as his fight to be right will escalate.
Can you bear to drop the rope, tell yourself that he can be 'right' but you will be happy?
Can you discuss that it's very adult to admit that you've made a mistake, own it and learn from it. It's a strength and to be admired.

It seems that some people would rather choke on their own tongue than admit they are wrong and apologise. I've never understood how someone could be so obtuse, but in my experience people like this just don't recognise what they are doing. No advice sadly, but I empathise. I don't think people like this ever change.

Given you have (nearly) three very young children I would be tempted to try counselling.

Other than that I would refuse to be drawn into a debate about your feelings. They are your feelings, they are valid, he can't argue you out of them. Ultimately he has to decide whether he thinks your feelings are important enough to him.

I had something similar with a relative. Once I twigged, as soon as he found the little detail he wanted to fixate on, I firmly said "No, it isn't about that, it's about ...." and identified the real issue/s. If he continued, I'd say "We'll discuss that only when we've sorted out the main issues" and would continue to refuse to be sidetracked. He rarely wanted to go back to his trivial issue later, because I think he realised how petty it made him look, so he was gradually educated out of it and became reasonably civilised.

There’s a really good book called A Woman In Your Own Right - it is brilliant on how to challenge these kind of crappy tactics to dominate

Tell him everything you’ve just put in the OP and see how he responds.