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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How independent us your 8 year old

29 replies

Zooeyzo · 13/12/2023 10:04

Do they get dressed for school without help or do any chores around the house?
Can they get their bag ready for school remembering their PE kit drink bottle and lunch box?
Can they shower dry and put pyjamas on?

OP posts:
Itmwtoty · 13/12/2023 10:12

They get dressed without help but do need reminders to get dressed. They tidy their bedroom, take plate through, can dust etc. We need to get better on the chores so will introduce pocket money and chores list after Xmas. They need reminders to make sure they have the right things for school.
Showers, washes hair, dries and PJ's independently.

HamstersAreMyLife · 13/12/2023 10:17

Itmwtoty · 13/12/2023 10:12

They get dressed without help but do need reminders to get dressed. They tidy their bedroom, take plate through, can dust etc. We need to get better on the chores so will introduce pocket money and chores list after Xmas. They need reminders to make sure they have the right things for school.
Showers, washes hair, dries and PJ's independently.

Almost exactly the same here. My younger son could do far more by 8 including getting him and brother breakfast from 7years but my oldest does nothing without a significant prompt and will evade any chore if he can. Perfectly capable just very lazy!

Patchworksack · 13/12/2023 10:18

My youngest is 9 but could do all that a year ago. My 13 yr old (on ADHD pathway so not typical) absolutely hopeless at anything requiring organisation.I don’t think those are unrealistic expectations for an NT 8 yr old though.

beautifullittletree · 13/12/2023 10:20

I still had to dress one of mine at 8. He is autistic but tbh I don't think I would have done anything differently if he wasn't. If my kids need support and help to manage things, they get it. I'm a fan of doing things in our own time, not to someone else's schedule, so what other people 8yo can do wouldn't register with me

ElevenSeven · 13/12/2023 10:21

Yes to all those things, with prompting.

QforCucumber · 13/12/2023 10:21

My eldest will be 8 in a few months, he gets himself dressed for school (with a couple of reminders) will prep his own breakfast (porridge in the microwave with a handful of frozen berries) the wash his hands/face and do his own hair.

He gets his book bag ready and gets his own shoes on but sometimes needs a nudge for things.

He doesn't do chores without being asked but he does lay the table when asked, and takes away his own plate, scrapes it and puts it by the sink.

he will get showered and ready for bed alone, sometimes needing a prompt to get out of the shower as he's taking an age!

He's recently started making toast as a snack for him and ds2 and I'm trying my hardest not to point out that he's using too much jam or the making a mess

CoodleMoodle · 13/12/2023 10:23

My DD is 9 and can do all of that (I do have to wash and dry her hair but it's long and thick), but she needs constant, constant reminders most of the time. She detests getting dressed after a bath or shower.

She also needs help with certain items of clothing - mostly tights but sometimes she struggles with socks, and polo shirt buttons are hit and miss but she can do her cardigan by herself. But I'm fairly sure she has dyspraxia.

CoodleMoodle · 13/12/2023 10:25

Oh and she doesn't really do any chores but she always tidies up after herself (and makes DS5 help if he's been involved!) and does like to help around the house if there's something she can do. She loves helping in the garden as well.

Nameychango · 13/12/2023 10:25

We left clothes laid out flat on bedroom floor when DS 8, so he did get himself dressed but he's 11 now and I feel I've done too much for him as he's the youngest of 3... my older ones had to be far more independent! I think it might be partly because it saved time for me to do things for him and I seem to have just carried on 🤦‍♀️

eurochick · 13/12/2023 10:27

Mine is 9 and needs constant chivvying along when dressing and showering it she would just stand there daydreaming🙄

We organise school kit as it is fairly complicated with different stuff everyday. I have it in a chalkboard or I wouldn't get it right myself.

Original poster
Zooeyzo · 13/12/2023 10:30

@Patchworksack I'm assuming she is NT but have an autistic 5 year old. I feel so tired because he needs so much support and then I need my daughter to be able to do basic tasks. She's so bright more like a 10 year old in academics and so sensible but can't do basic things. This morning we were late because she doesn't remember to do basic stuff. Will stand there saying I can't find my tights instead of looking for them.

OP posts:
RonObvious · 13/12/2023 10:35

My son's 10, and no to all of the above. If we didn't remind him, he wouldn't eat, let alone get dressed and brush his teeth. He refuses showers, and hates baths so washing him is always a drama and he would never do it unprompted. Although he is on the waiting list for an ASD assessment, so may not be a typical example!

Locallady2 · 13/12/2023 10:36

My son is 7 and he gets in and out the bath by himself and gets dressed by himself, but I still wash his hair and clean his teeth to make sure those things are done properly. He cleans his teeth for a minute before it's my turn.

He can make toast and cereal but makes a huge mess. And only has to put a water bottle and a snack in his school bag as he gets free hot lunches.

We're not really into making him do household tasks yet but I encourage him to tidy up after himself. So shoes on the shoerack, coat hung up in the hallway, rubbish in the bin, dirty clothes in wash basket. If I see shoes in the middle of the floor or a crisp packet or something, I don't tidy up after him and make him do it himself.

Looking forward to the day where he can make me a cuppa.

notahappybunny7 · 13/12/2023 10:38

Is there anyone on Mumsnet who’s child isn’t autistic?

Original poster
Zooeyzo · 13/12/2023 10:40

@RonObvious my autistic boy would live in the shower if he could. We have a big one that he likes down in and loves the water coming down. I'm expecting that I'll be doing his stuff for a long time as he's still limited verbal. But compared to his sister puts his dishes away tidies up toys puts coat and shoes away nicely.

OP posts:
Original poster
Zooeyzo · 13/12/2023 10:42

@notahappybunny7 Maybe parents of autistic kids look for more online support so it feels there's a lot. But what's that got to do with anything?

OP posts:
RedPony1 · 13/12/2023 10:57

at 7/8 years old i was getting up with my mum, riding a pony before school, getting home, changed and walked to school (i walked with friends) I could also fully tack up my ponies without help. so i imagine i was probably fairly independent as my parents made us that way. i definitely could fully dress myself, shower and brush my teeth etc at home.

beautifullittletree · 13/12/2023 11:19

notahappybunny7 · 13/12/2023 10:38

Is there anyone on Mumsnet who’s child isn’t autistic?

Interested to know what you mean by this? Being autistic I can't read the unwritten.

notahappybunny7 · 13/12/2023 11:42

beautifullittletree · 13/12/2023 11:19

Interested to know what you mean by this? Being autistic I can't read the unwritten.

Show quote history

A disproportionate number compared with general society.

CuttingMeOpenthenHealingMeFine · 13/12/2023 11:44

My 10 year old DS could do most of that at 8, just no way he could have sorted his own bag or remember his PE kit/water bottle, he still can’t l/won’t do that as he lives in his own world most of the time. He could do chores/get ready/shower himself etc.

My 7 year old DD can do all of the above but she is very mature and responsible, I would say more so than any other child I have come across at that age.

beautifullittletree · 13/12/2023 11:44

@notahappybunny7

Do you have autistic DC?

biostudent · 13/12/2023 11:46

beautifullittletree · 13/12/2023 11:19

Interested to know what you mean by this? Being autistic I can't read the unwritten.

Show quote history

They mean it seems that everyone on Mumsnet who has an autistic child. But as OP mentioned, parents of autistic and neurodivergent children probably seek advice and reasurance online more often as life isn't quite as simple as with neurotypical children. As a parent of neurodivergent child, I know I find myself looking online for advice etc than I did with my oldest neurotypical child.

simolias · 13/12/2023 11:46

I did charts so they knew what they had to do daily, like open the curtains in their bedroom, wash their face, brush their teeth, it was a laminated tick list and had days of the week so they knew what they had to do without prompting all the time because they could see the list and check things off as they did them. It supports them being independent.

Twentypastfour · 13/12/2023 11:48

Not quite 8 (and NT) but not even close to these things.
Can now put clothes on independently but I lay them out. Sometimes odd confusion with a jumper on backwards or forgetting to put on socks etc but a lot better than it used to be. I have labelled drawers in wardrobe and tried to make system as fool proof as possible, but isn’t there with it yet. Can do so many other things though that it’s just a hill I want to die on and I don’t see the harm in helping still.

RidingMyBike · 13/12/2023 11:49

Mine gets washed, dressed, tooth brushing, hair brushing by herself. Although usually needs encouragement to actually get on with it! She likes having someone to chat to whilst doing all this though!

She can bath herself but needs help making sure all shampoo washed out etc.

She gets herself drinks and snacks. Chore-wise she clears the table and makes bed.