DS turning one, weird effect on me? Not doing so well

[mummiseryt]

Does anyone else feel like they are just getting through the day. I am finding it so hard. Ds was one on Sunday and I don’t know why but I thought I would feel proud I had got through the year. But I actually just feel drained. I don’t feel there’s anything getting better, if anything it’s worse. I don’t know what to do with him most days. I work three days a week. I am finding it so shit. I don’t know what I expected to change when he was one but I don’t feel enthused or happy I feel exhausted. When does this get any easier.

I have so many days like this, I'm sorry u feel like that. Having a toddler is hard and relentless. Can you find something that helps u relax and unwind so u get in a better headspace. It will get easier over the next few months, you won't recognise him at 2, big hugs 🤗

I found my DS much more rewarding after about 16 months, and it got progressively better- he started to get more of a personality and became much better company. 1 is very much still a baby.

I used to dread full days where it was just me and him when he was younger - it was so draining. Hard work and also so boring at the same time.

But it has got massively better - to the point where it’s actually enjoyable being just the two of us now and I look forward to our days together. I couldn’t have imagined that when he’d just turned 1.

It also helps to have a life outside of babyland. Do you see friends in the evenings/ weekends, go out shopping by yourself, have a hobby, go to the gym etc. Really important to start doing those things again.

I realised when my DS was about 1 that I hadn’t walked anywhere without a pram for about a year and didn’t know what to do with my hands when I was walking down the road without a pram 😂

Were you perhaps subconsciously hoping for a transformation when he turned one and actually he’s now the same person just aged one and x days? I think it’s very easy to cling to dates in the hope that things will be better ( pp above has mentioned waiting until he’s 2- sure he will be different but there will still be challenges).

What support are you getting and what specifically are you finding hard? Motherhood is, for many people, 90% slog and 10% joy. Some are lucky and some less so. Even people with ‘easy’ babies and lives can really struggle.

It’s great you have reached out here. Is there anyone in RL you can talk to?

Sending lots of compassion and solidarity. If it’s any comfort, I have two daughters who are six and three and have a “joke” with my partner that these last birthdays were the first that I didn’t get a small bout of depression straight after, as it was a milestone that served to remind me how bloody tough I was STILL finding it despite assuming I’d be finding it easier.

It does get easier and easier I promise you, remember every tough phase is just that: a phase. Some things that helped me on a small scale were looking at reducing my chore load eg. Getting a fortnightly cleaner, accepting more mess, getting more organised systems in place. Always having something scheduled ahead that was fun for me, even be it a yoga class or a phone call with a friend.

Also! Never ever do something when the baby is sleeping you could do while they’re awake. That means the second they’re asleep you run, put your feet up, have a nice drink and snack and just relax. Lots of venting to people with children too helps. You’re not alone in this and it will improve step by step!

It gets better when they develop slightly slower. Babies are a whirlwind of regressions and milestones.
I felt much calmer at the toddler stage, I had physically healed, was getting some sleep and dd could communicate, play and amuse herself for a while.