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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel incredibly proud of him even though he's not my son

49 replies

listsandbudgets · 13/12/2023 09:17

We have had a family of Ukrainian refugees with us for a bit over a year and a half now. One of them is a nearly 16 year old boy coming up to GCSEs in June.

They've just done their mocks. He got 9s in all the sciences and maths, 7 in computer science and art, 5s in English, German and History. He's outperformed the year averge on overall marks.

When he came he barely knew a word of English although he was fluent in Russian and Ukrainian and could speak some German Bulgarian and Polish. He has worked so hard it's unbelievable. 14 is a tough age to start learning a new language let alone a whole new school system in a new country.

Oh and on top of that he's still keeping up with some of his Ukranian school lessons online in the evenings and spending time teaching his gran English as she's been struggling.

We've done what we can to help him including buying him very simple versions of books - for example kids version of Macbeth and sitting with him while he does homework. I've go ta history degree so have been able to help him with that and DD is doing A levels in maths and sciences and took the time to help as well- but the effort has come from him.

He's not mine but he's lived in our home for a long time now. AIBU to feel as proud of him as I do my own children?

OP posts:

TheyWentToSeaInASieve · 13/12/2023 11:00

What a breath of fresh you and your family clearly are. I had a similar experience when I first arrived in the UK when I was 15 and on my own. A kind family took me in and looked after me; I did well in my A-levels and now my children think of them as another set of grandparents. They changed my life, as I am sure you have this boy's. I wish there were more people like you in the world! You have every right to be proud of his achievements because you have provided so much for him.

On another note, the Ukrainian education system is much better than ours I am afraid, they are ahead in maths and sciences, I suspect he has an excellent base to build on. Good on him!

Fouramclub · 13/12/2023 11:01

I don't even know him and I'm proud of him!! Well done young man!

BrassOlive · 13/12/2023 11:04

What a remarkable young man, so lovely to hear at a time when there is such hostility towards refugees and other migrants.

What are his hopes for the future OP?

CharlotteFlax · 13/12/2023 11:08

As if anybody would say you're u reasonable for being proud of him! Bloody hell, I'M proud of him and have only just "met" him!

CharlotteFlax · 13/12/2023 11:08

As if anybody would say you're u reasonable for being proud of him! Bloody hell, I'M proud of him and have only just "met" him!

*unreasonable

OpenLanes · 13/12/2023 11:12

Thats fantastic. Also such a parallel to the boys born just a couple of years earlier who have been forcibly recruited to fight instead of getting safety and opportunity 😔

ohtowinthelottery · 13/12/2023 11:13

Of course you can be proud of him. You've helped and supported him through this.
I know of people who have sponsored young people abroad through an education. They are incredibly proud too.

GimmeSleep · 13/12/2023 11:14

What an amazing young man, no wonder you're proud of him.

I hope his school recognise his achievements too.

🏆

Prettypaisleyslippers · 13/12/2023 11:23

I’ve got something in my eye, OP you rock x

Original poster

listsandbudgets · 13/12/2023 12:12

@Ponoka7 The Rwanda policy is poisonous - I'm so glad he was able to come here and I wish more legal corridors could be opened for others.

@TheyWentToSeaInASieve Wow you're incredible I can't even contemplate having to leave my country alone at that age and I'm sorry you found yourself having to do so Your foster family must look at you every day with pride in their eyes and hearts You're right I think he was ahead in maths and sciences when he arrived which really helped him though he still had to learn it all in English as well. School did consider early A level maths for him but ultimately felt it would be too much pressure while he was still learning English

@BrassOlive He hopes to be a vet - he absolutely loves animals and they clearly adore him. My dog certainly likes him more than me

@OpenLanes His mum and gran are frightened of him having to go back because if the war is still continuing he's sure to be conscripted although he's so clever I'd be praying he'd get something well away from the front line in communications / encryption type stuff

@GimmeSleep His school have been amazing - his blazer is covered in badges

All of you - thank you. I think I felt very mixed emotions when I realised that I was reacting as if my own children had achieved these thing.

OP posts:

Original poster

listsandbudgets · 13/12/2023 12:18

Just to add incredibly proud of my own DCs for the way they've welcomed them, rallied round to support them and helped with work. Even DS (11) sat down and started teaching them all their English letters and helping with basic words when they were first here. He had them reading Oxford reading tree - God knows what they thoguht of British culture after that!!

OP posts:

MumEeeee · 13/12/2023 12:22

Great to hear. I’ve heard a few other stories like this happily. It’s such a worry at first moving at that age will screw up exams and their future.

Visas run out soon for some from Ukraine, they were three year visas. I feel sorry for those who will return to Ukraine at 16/17. The end of school exams age 18 are really tough, and across the curriculum in many subjects. They don’t specialise like here. I hope they have happy endings too.

It’s wonderful people like you OP have been there for kids. Whatever side, whatever should have happened. The bottom line is people like you change lives x

Maddy70 · 13/12/2023 12:24

That's brought a tear to my eye. I have lived in another country for a few years and still struggle with the language despite studying hard. To be able to complete and excel in exams is incredible.

MumEeeee · 13/12/2023 12:25

Long term also, I have a friend who’s now 51 and working in our council. He was taken in my a local family as a 14 yr old refugee. It really changes lives, it’s not just this war

tuttifuckinfruity · 13/12/2023 12:33

This is beautiful.

He sounds like an incredible young man, and your family and kids sound so lovely too.

Do his whole family live with you?

Very happy for you all, well done all xxx

TooManyPlatesInMotion · 13/12/2023 12:44

That's an amazing achievement. Well done him.

Behindyouiam · 13/12/2023 12:50

Well done to him and too you!

Never underestimate what your help, love and care has done.

Mariposista · 13/12/2023 13:15

What a cracking young lad. Love hearing stories like this. Hope he goes on to excel at university and work.

Arggghhhhhhhh · 13/12/2023 13:19

Whinge · 13/12/2023 09:24

YANBU. He sounds like an incredible young man. I'm proud of him and I don't even know him.

I'm proud of him too 🤣 and well done to you OP, that is incredible that you have enabled this to happen. The hairs on my arms prickled reading your OP -

BitOutOfPractice · 13/12/2023 13:29

That’s made me cry it’s so wonderful!

he sounds wonderful but very well done to you and you're Family too for the support you’ve given him too.

History grads are the best (me and dd1) 😉

BMWM340 · 13/12/2023 14:37

What an incredible young man, and what an incredible family you are OP.

Inyournewdress · 13/12/2023 14:41

That’s amazing, well done to this young man and well done giving so much support OP.

EvlisPersley · 13/12/2023 22:46

Just WOW 💪🏻what an amazing achievement

SinnerBoy · 13/12/2023 22:58

listsandbudgets

Why should you not feel a glow of pride? You took in and supported the family and have enabled him to do well because of it.

We're on our second family, the first was mum and 12 year old son. He would barely eat and was lethargic, or else hyperactive, although he worked hard at school. They lived in a tower block and the entire front was blown off.

They got a flat in May and he's loving high school. He's on the volleyball team and has joined the Air Cadets.

He's straight A's and almost fluent in English and now eats like a horse.

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