To be feeling utterly sad

[reallyfedup123]

Just that really. I’ve been feeling low for a few days. Tbh I’ve always felt low and depressed since childhood. Had an awful childhood but I got over it. I just feel so alone. What made matters worse is my kids had Christmas concerts this week and I realised how I have no connections with anyone - the mums were going for brunch after the morning concert and lots of chatter about meeting in the hols. I sat alone trying to make small talk with those next to me. I can chat to anyone but I feel I have no connections with anyone. I spent my entire childhood alone even though I had older siblings abs both parents. I feel so depressed I don’t know how to just get in with things.

I don’t want to drip feed so a crucial point - therapy has not worked for me. I never feel better and I have literally seen every therapist I can get hold of for past 25 years. I always feel worse after having therapy.

i say hello and have small talk with nearly all the class (whoever will talk back to me) but I feel very alone and like I have no one who wants to make plans with me.

I don't have any answers, but your OP moved me. I'm so sorry you feel so disconnected. How are your relationships with your siblings these days?

@NeverGuessWho thank you. It’s still the same really.

That sounds very hard. This is definitely something you could discuss with a GP. Have you ever been prescribed antidepressants?

Feeling a life long lack of connection will eat into your soul. I had a close relative who struggled with this throughout his life. He got a lot of relief from creativity - mainly writing. Would this appeal to you at all?

Sorry to hear this! It’s difficult but try not to be hard on yourself. Do your kids have friends who you could arrange play dates with and maybe invite their parent?

Why don’t you do something nice to treat yourself like a spa day or just watching something nice on tv with a glass of wine and takeaway? You might not even enjoy going out with mums, there is a lot of pressure to have ‘mum friends’ but I find there are few I’ve met that I really have anything in common with apart from the kids!

@Keepingongoing @Elfnsafetyhat thank you. No I don’t want to take AD as I’ve tried in past with different doses and different brands but I felt so unwell. I couldn’t function.

elf - yes you’re right going on mums night out right now is last thing I want or need!

I just feel it just be me as I’ve moved house but same problems, I moved kids schools as we relocated and still sane problems, I’m living away from my parents and sisters but still sane problems of childhood exist. It must be something I’m doing or projecting

I get this. It would be wrong to say I had a 'terrible' childhood. I was privileged but my parents were never there for us. Both loved work and us kids were just a burden to them. They were never there for us and I basically brought myself up. I was bullied and my parents didn't even notice. I told my mum and she completely dismissed me and told me it was my fault.

I have terrible problems trusting people. I don't think I was ever taught social skills. I find it hard to imagine anyone would want to hang out with me. I also sometimes sabotage relationships to avoid them dumping me.

I'm very socially anxious and introverted. It's. Very painful.

The I my advice I can give is that if you wave at someone, they will usually wave back. ... try putting yourself out there.

Putting deiressipn etc to one side for a moment, our emotions tell us information. If you saw other mums chatting and felt sad and left out it probably means you want it to change. Feeling lonely is horrid and very common! It's a lack of connection rather than being alone.
You can build connections but it might take a bit of work and time rather than be instant.

Have you looked into local hobby clubs/groups or an exercise class?

There are many people out there in similar situations

Is there a class WhatsApp group?

OP I know you’ve tried lots of therapists but have you tried group therapy? I went to a group for about two years and it was so helpful because it’s like a little microcosm of society, so probably more likely that your social dynamics will show up. I think it’s (a bit) more like real life than individual therapy. I’ve done both, fwiw. Link here anyway
https://www.groupanalysis.org/

Hi op hope you ok. Feel same at times mine much older so you dont see school mams as much. I message one would she like go town as lovely with lights and get a drink. No reply. Kinda disheartening with friends at times

I think there are some things you can look at;

• has the GP taken bloods to look at thyroid or your vit D levels?
• I don’t think you can dismiss ADs like that have you tried some of the newer ones? How long did you try them for last time?
• are you able to do some light exercises- lots of evidence it can support mental wellbeing - you may also meet some new people!
• have you self referred to IAPT? Can you attend Mind drop ins?
• what kind of therapy gave you tried and were the therapists reputable? Have you looked at EMDR for example?
• is there a school committee you can join?
• do you work and have people to chat too there if not can you volunteer and meet new people?
• is there an evening course or training course you could do to connect with others?
• there are reputable apps you can use for friendships and conversations?

I never had time for brunch after a school event I have always worked so concentrate on feeling better and building networks outside of school!

Thank you so much everyone. Some amazing advice. The group session @Autumnleavesarefallingdownagain is not anything I’ve tried but I can see it would be really good. I had a quick look at the website but found it difficult to navigate maybe as I’m using my phone. I will call the number tomorrow and see what groups are in my area.

thavknyou so much everyone

That sounds really positive OP you might need to start small and always remember to self care. Sometimes at first going through the motions feels like a slog but after time you will start to feel connection and more options x

i Really do think group therapy would help but I can’t seem to find any near me. I’m not very good at trying to find things and give up easily. I live Near East London. Is anyone able to locate a group session for me please?

I used to go to one in central london. Let me see if I can find out anything further. Do you go into central London for work? I’ll DM you with details of someone I know who used to work in this kind of area

Op, just scroll down , click on find a therapist, the click in your area. Here is London. You don’t need someone to do it for you, but here it is.💐

https://members.groupanalysis.org/SubscriberCRMPortal/FindATherapist.aspx?region=lond

Trying to think of something that could provide a real change for you physiologically and mentally, OP, and I thought of exercise.

Yes, I know, that old chestnut trotted out to us who struggle with low mood/anxiety/depression, etc., but I am thinking not of "go for a walk", but something regular and known to boost confidence, mood, endorphins, physical health and more - something like a martial art, kick boxing, judo, karate. Having something like that regularly in your life can absolutely be a game changer.

I thought of it when I read what you said about "it must be something I'm doing or projecting". It made me wonder if one of the difficulties for you is that you've had this feeling of sadness and disconnection for so long, that it has become kind of the foundation from which everything else is done/felt/expressed. This could definitely make it harder for you to connect, feel loved, feel free and confident to express yourself, and so on. That's what I thought of a regular form of exercise, particularly martial arts, which is renowned for creating confidence and inner contentment.

Other people have suggested forms of creativity, which I also think could be very beneficial potentially. I think you need something or a few things which you find joy in that are just yours, that improve your skills and health, and give you a real solid basis of confidence and fulfillment, which would then ripple out into your life further. You deserve to enjoy your life, OP.

Thank you so much. Yes please @Autumnleavesarefallingdownagain