Not attending Dad's wedding?

[Caribun]

So my Dad is set to announce his fifth wedding.

Long story short, he's an absolute arsehole and I rarely spend much time with him as he used to abuse me as a child, but he's requested all of his children attend this wedding because it is for 'close family only'... I have a feeling this is because he's embarrassed to be having a fifth wedding so isn't advertising it! 🙄

He has always been particularly nasty towards me and I just don't want to put myself through an entire day of 'celebrating' yet another wedding with him, when I don't even think he has the capacity to love someone.

So would I be BU to tell him I have no intention of going when it is definitely going to cause massive arguments in the family? My brothers (who weren't treated the same way I was as a child) think I'm being unfair to hold onto the past and that I should just let it go but I don't see why I should pretend to play happy families any longer when I don't need to.

Why does he even have your contact details?? Never speak or answer him at all, EVER.
Yes, simply do not turn up. If you really want to respond, send a sympathy card to his new bride

I know family situations are hard, I was in a similar situation this year and didn't attend my dad's second wedding. He wasn't happy but I'm an adult and make my own decisions that people will just have to live with.

It's not easy and I get that but your an adult and your dad abused you and your brothers are obviously manipulated by him and will do anything for a quiet life.

Do not let your dad have this control over your life because then he will always have this control over you!! If you do not want to attend the wedding (you have good reason not to attend) then DO NOT GO! Tell him you will not be attending and if he asks why then tell him the truth. You do not owe your brothers anything either. You have to do what's best for you and your mental health. Be strong and say no.

Say no but you might come to the next one, depending what else you have on.

I think you would be very unreasonable to say it in that way. However I don't think you would be unreasonable not to attend. You just need to say it in a calm and polite way.

You could, perhaps, have a prior engagement? Perhaps even be attending somebody else's (first, and hopefully only) wedding? Or if you don't want to make an excuse just say that you are sorry but you won't be able to attend, but you wish them all the best (while thinking privately that they are going to need it!)

Really crazy to me that people think you should lie or make up some excuse to not go and not just be honest. What's wrong with just being honest! He can abuse her but she needs to lie or make up excuse to not go to a 5th wedding. Come on.....she just needs to be very honest and say your not going!

I am so sad your brothers aren't backing you up - I certainly wouldn't be going to the wedding.

Abuse is abuse. Don’t downplay it because it wasn’t sexual.

Emotional and physical abuse is just as bad and if your brothers know about it, and wish to ignore it, it doesn’t say much about their suitability for life.

I think you’re better off without any of them, to be honest; maybe use the time saved to spend time with others who mean something special to you and accept you for what you are.