To be stressed about Xmas drinks?

[Neurodiversity]

I’ve been invited to Christmas drinks at a (friend/acquaintance?) and am feeling quite stressed.
I really want to be more sociable as my OH and me are quite socially isolated (I usually avoid social occasions but am trying to make more of an effort for his sake).

What should I take with me?
A candle? A bottle? Chocolate? Nothing?

Tbh I’d quite like to hide until January but I know it isn’t fair on OH.

Mmmm tricky. I don’t like social engagements at all but then as you say you can become a bit too isolated. It’s a fine balance.

Wine or a plant or nice tin of biscuits.

Is it at their house? I'd take something edible, or a drink you know they like. Keep it simple! They'll appreciate the thought and it's nothing that will inconvenience them.

wine, chocolates or flowers for the host

I would take whatever you would like to drink (I take Prosecco to parties usually) and then a little something for the host (candle, chocolates or flowers- I took a poinsettia!)

A decent bottle of wine and a box of chocs/bunch of flowers. Then you need to work on your anxiety because limiting your partner's social life because of your hang ups isn't going to end well.

I'd take wine!
I had a period I felt quite stressed / at / about social events and just had to go through the motions for a while until things became more enjoyable. If you start with the mindset of this might be hard but I've decided to try it it may help!
Let us know how you get on!!

Take a bottle of wine and a small gift for host, chocolates/a few flowers. I hope you have a great time! It’s good to be sociable :)

I would take a bottle of Prosecco and a box of chocolates, small or big depending on the budget and what you knew your host might like. I wouldn’t take candles or flowers or any other food.
How do you know the host and what exactly are you worried about? Deep down I always have a list a particular worries and find working through them one by one very helpful.

A bottle is perfect

just remember that most people’s favourite topic is themselves. If you’re not sure how to start a conversation, just ask them something about themselves - where they’re from, what they’ve been up to over Christmas, what they do for work etc. Then listen!

Just take a bottle.

@ShirleyPhallus beat me to it!

Bottle of wine and chocolates for the hostess.

Have a few basic questions lined up. People tend to ask you the same question back, so if you don’t want to talk about your work, don’t ask them about theirs etc. This isn’t 100% foolproof obviously.

Smile, compliment their decor/outfit/cat and they will think you are the perfect guest. Try to relax and enjoy it. 💐

Yep, I agree with others. A bottle, some chocolates and some prepared questions for back up.

Wear layers, you've no idea if they will have their heating on and Wear something comfortable.

I'd take a bottle of fizz. Anything will do, don't overthink it. And a generic box of chocs, like celebrations. It's Christmas, it really is the thought that counts at this time of year.

Easier said than done but just relax and sit and take it all in, join in when and where you want.

Don’t take flowers - the host has to start looking for a vase etc.

Thank you, this is all so helpful.
I know the host through a hobby. I have absolute no problem in talking about the hobby, but I think that guests are from a variety of backgrounds.

I think my main worries are:

1. I don’t know how to mingle and worry about monopolising people.
2. I don’t know how much eye contact to make.

The safest option is a bottle. Maybe some people take candles, flowers or chocolates to drinks parties, but its not the norm in the way a bottle is, so you risk people thinking it's on odd choice. Flowers and chocolates are more dinner gifts. With a bottle as well!

If you don't know how to mingle, then don't. Find a spot and let people come to you and go when they choose. Ask open questions to get them talking about themselves.

Look at the person while they're speaking, but feel free to glance away (not fixed staring) as is comfortable, similar to if you're watching TV.

When you're talking as oppose to listening, its OK to look slightly away if you like, with the odd glance at the person.

Try not to think to hard about eye contact when you're talking as its distracting for you. Pay close attention to what the person is saying instead.

Go and have fun. Listen, take an interest, don't drink too much and any of those things sound good. Try to think outside the box as lots will have a similar idea.

Wine and chocolates. And the art of small talk is asking people about themselves and being interested in their answers

@Neurodiversity take a bottle or some nice edibles.
Try and focus on the other person, not on how you are looking, behaving, feeling. If you are not sure what to say ask the person in front of you a few light questions about how they know the host, if they’re local. Listen and don’t feel you have to fill every pause. If you feel overwhelmed take a break (go off to the loo, say you’re going for another drink and offer to get the person a drink while you’re at it). At first try and have three way conversations so you can shift your eye contact between a number of others until you get in the swing of it. Have an agreed codeword if it’s too much so your DH knows it’s time to go.

Firstly, avoidance is the best way to grow your anxiety. Try and go to as many social things as you can even if you agree with your DH to make it time limited. It gets easier the more you do. Secondly, people are generally far too busy thinking about themselves to scrutinise you! Going by your user name perhaps you’re the same as me (ADHD). I know what it’s like to find these things hard work, but you will be OK.

Thank you.
I’ll take a bottle, not stay too long and try to make it a more regular occurrence:)

Agree. Flowers create work!