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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

It's made me so sad

8 replies

Pigeonrific · 12/12/2023 15:34

I visited my family recently and it's made me feel so sad. They live in the region where I'm from, which is a poor region in England. I moved to another region and now live in a big city. I have a modest but happy life, a secure job, hobbies shared by friends, a great relationship (all of these things are hard to find in my hometown where there's a lot of poverty and people have a lot of issues). Of course I feel so lucky, and I really enjoy living in the city where I am now but I feel a huge wave of guilt and sadness for rarely seeing my family and also that the place they live in is so run down and with less going on.

I think part of it is that I miss them and part of me would like to live near them again but it isn't very appealing since I wouldn't find a job easily and there aren't as many opportunities in other ways as well. Like many towns, my hometown has suffered massively from the economic downturn over time. I have so many happy memories of growing up there when things were a little better, we never had a lot but we made the most of what we had and the town centre had more going on and more community. Now the town looks so sad. Everything is run down and shops have either closed down and been left empty or turned into something else. There's little sense of community or pride. Within my family there's concerns as well such as illness and the realities of getting older.

I'm not sure what I want to get from this I just felt I needed to share as it really is an intense sadness I'm feeling right now and I wonder if anyone is experiencing anything similar.

OP posts:
LadyBird1973 · 12/12/2023 15:42

It is sad when things change, and not for the better. I think lots of our towns are suffering - even the rich parts of London are showing signs of struggle!
And it's worrying when your folks are getting older or are unwell and you aren't there.
All you can do is visit when you can and keep in contact frequently. They will want you to be living as good a life as you can and not be stuck somewhere with few opportunities.

Flibbertygibbetty · 12/12/2023 15:45

Can they move to your region to be nearer you and benefit from better opportunities and lifestyle? It is bery sad when people youlove are atruggling but they will love knowing that you are making a better life for yourself. Good parents want our children to do well.

caringcarer · 12/12/2023 16:52

Nothing stays the same. I notice when I go to visit 2 of my sisters who still live in small town we grew up in that more shops have closed. Now the Nat West bank has closed. There is a market but it's down to about 6-8 stalls now. When I was young it was totally packed out. There are lots more houses being built though. Little housing estates going up everywhere yet less resources.

5thCommandment · 12/12/2023 17:41

caringcarer · 12/12/2023 16:52

Nothing stays the same. I notice when I go to visit 2 of my sisters who still live in small town we grew up in that more shops have closed. Now the Nat West bank has closed. There is a market but it's down to about 6-8 stalls now. When I was young it was totally packed out. There are lots more houses being built though. Little housing estates going up everywhere yet less resources.

Sorry but more new housing is positive for an area. People that live in them will spend money locally helping shops. The planning permissions have to pay money toward schools and GPS etc via the Section 106 legal agreement. Housing represents a large % of GDP growth for the country, don't get sucked into stupid nimby mindsets please... welcome the local investment.

Pep12per · 12/12/2023 17:50

5thCommandment · 12/12/2023 17:41

Sorry but more new housing is positive for an area. People that live in them will spend money locally helping shops. The planning permissions have to pay money toward schools and GPS etc via the Section 106 legal agreement. Housing represents a large % of GDP growth for the country, don't get sucked into stupid nimby mindsets please... welcome the local investment.

Doesn't work...loads of 'executive' housing being built around my what was working class but now rundown city but the residents will just be shopping online or heading off to the town about 10 miles away that offers all the nice restaurants and experiences.

Blueeyedmale · 12/12/2023 18:05

My parents moved from South Wales to Hampshire when I was young,the few happy memories I have were that time in Wales I often go back to visit family especially to Newport and I feel so sad about the depravation and poverty it's heartbreaking

But despite this most people are absolutely lovely and just make the best of it

maslinpan · 12/12/2023 19:33

Not all new housing developments have the services you need to support a community, such as GP surgery, shops, pubs. They are doomed to become dormitory towns where you have to drive down the motorway to the nearest supermarket to pick up a pint of milk.

OCDmama · 12/12/2023 19:50

No I understand. Boston in Lincolnshire used to be a thriving market town when I was a kid, really nice. Now there are virtually no shops you'd want to go to (body shop, m&s, Claire's, a department store, quirky little gift shops etc) and the market has dwindled to nothing. The whole town is just sad looking.

Loads of housing being built but it's not improving the place.

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