I’m really in need of some advice as to what to do!
the last year or so I’ve started to feel increasingly more anxious about stuff. (I’m 45 so I know this perhaps isn’t entirely unusual as I’m probably now perimenopausal although the only sign of that I really am aware I have is sometimes my periods are late, but maybe this is another symptom)
The last 10 years have been really stressful, and I mean at times it’s been truly awful. DH has a very stressful job and lifestyle which combine at times into one giant episode of total fuckery. I’ve always been able to just kind of deal with the flow of things and give him every ounce of my mental capacity to support him but now this last year or so I’ve found that the slightest thing can just send me into an instant sense of doom and anxiety and such a horrible feeling of worry.
I’m ok when he’s ok and in the past when he’d have one of his weekly episodes of complete disaster I could deal with it ok and almost disassociate from it with my own things.
But now I’ve lost the ability to do that and now when he’s stressed or something’s wrong I feel I’ve become increasingly more sensitive to the situation and I’ve now started to worry about EVERYTHING. I can’t seem to stop catastrophizing and I feel constantly on edge. I worry about the stupidest of things and I am sick with worry about the future and all of the lawful things that will happen and could happen and it’s like my defence shield is now completely shattered and all the negative things that couldn’t perpetrate my conscience are now coming through and the smallest things are leaving me emotionally drained.
As a wife and mum to teenagers and having recently lost my dad and had to be such a massive emotional cushion regarding so many things I realise that this is just what goes on and that it’s normal at this age to experience this. But it’s the fact that I’m now struggling to juggle all these aspects and having to bury them from view and pretend that I’m as stoic as ever that is beginning to really make me struggle. I’m not depressed at the moment, but just my husband shouting or ranting about something is enough to make me feel like the sky is about to fall in, and this happens weekly and at times daily. I don’t feel I can unload to people IR and I am a bit of a hoarder of emotions.
AIBU to wonder what the fuck is going in and where do I begin to combat this issue as I don’t fully understand what it is! Can anyone else relate to this? I’m so desperate to feel content even when things are shit and stop constantly worrying about the future and everyone dying and things constantly going wrong!!!