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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have had enough of DH family

14 replies

Shiny88 · 11/12/2023 23:46

This is a long one so bare with.....

Been with DH 6 years.
His sister has never liked me. From day one. There's been snarky remarks, excluding me from stuff - you know all the petty things that can be done have been done.
I had bad PND after our child was born.
They were not understanding or supportive - the whole family not just the sister. His other siblings etc.

Iv been blanked when I'm not with DH even when Iv had DC with me.

We've made massive efforts with DN birthdays.
Then one day i snapped and spoke shittly back to sister in law - just mimicked the way she was talking to me. And then we were dis invited to all family events.

DH was upset so I messaged saying I know there's a problem with me but please don't dis include DH.

Anyway her poison has now spread to DH other siblings wife and extended family.

Iv caught them talking about me behind my back. Which I did retaliate and said "want to make it any more f*ckinng obvious". Bare in mind there's been so much stuff over the 5 previous years I finally snapped.
And point blank telling DH in front of me that Iv isolated him.
Which I never have done. Iv always told him to go to the family events without me etc.

It's getting to much.
We went over DH siblings house this weekend. Was there for 20 mins.
DC was misbehaving so i pulled the stern look on her. (The mum glare if you will).
And now it's being said I was pulling faces behind the wife's back.
I'm exhausted.
I feel like these last 6 years have been full of bullying and pettiness. Feels like I'm back in high school.

AIBU to be done with his family for good?

OP posts:

Original poster

Shiny88 · 11/12/2023 23:46

There is a lot more exclusion and pettiness from DH family but it would take hours to write tbh.

OP posts:

2jacqi · 11/12/2023 23:48

@Shiny88 what is your hubby saying about it? did he know from the beginning what was happening?

coldcallerbaiter · 11/12/2023 23:49

What do they perceive you did wrong? Do they think you are not good enough?

Original poster

Shiny88 · 11/12/2023 23:51

2jacqi · 11/12/2023 23:48

@Shiny88 what is your hubby saying about it? did he know from the beginning what was happening?

He has always said his sister is a funny bugger. So it was sad for him when we were dis invited from stuff. Hence why I sent the message as I don't want to be the reason to come inbetween his family. But it's harder now as it's his brothers wife who has problem with me as she has become best friends with the sister.
He's devastated. But he understands as it's liek I'm being bullied.
I have said he can absolutely continue seeing his family. And attend one of the extended families weddings early next year. But I won't be attending as none of them like me.

OP posts:

Original poster

Shiny88 · 11/12/2023 23:52

coldcallerbaiter · 11/12/2023 23:49

What do they perceive you did wrong? Do they think you are not good enough?

Honestly I don't know.
This question has been asked.
But it's always danced around saying oh some people just don't get on

OP posts:

LemonLimeDivine · 11/12/2023 23:59

I wouldn’t bother with them.
Tell DH if he wants to see them he can go over to them, but they’re not welcome in your house and you don’t want to see them. Life is short. Don’t waste your time or energy on these people.

Hibambinos · 12/12/2023 00:30

As PP said , cut them loose. They sound awful. If DH wants to see them fine, but you and the kids should steer clear.

Ofcourseshecan · 12/12/2023 00:42

OP, I sympathise. I have a very similar problem with certain in-laws, and I’ve never really found out why they dislike me. I used to go above and beyond to do favours for them and buy presents they wanted etc. I can’t be bothered now.
Best of luck, OP. Sounds as if DH is on your side, which is more important.

assessedorregreased · 12/12/2023 02:25

It's actually a very simple answer ...

Just go no contact.

I've been no contact with my husband's family for about ten years. It's the best thing I've ever done and feels like a huge weight has been lifted.

My husband still seems them but that's his choice!

Tilllly · 12/12/2023 02:53

What @LemonLimeDivine said

It's crap that you have this to deal with
But try to take the moral high ground. Don't engage and if you have to, be pleasant and polite, don't rise to it. Smile.
If nothing else, it will annoy them ;)

shininglight16 · 12/12/2023 07:22

I'm sorry OP, I know what it feels like since I have similar in-laws. DH's brother's wife was always nasty towards me right from the beginning, she even tried to dominate me like WTF who do you think you are? His brother has been a prick too, always under the wife's influence, pretty much a doormat. The MIL and FIL are no better, I've been disgusted by their behaviour.

There's always been so much bitchiness, lack of support, lack of love, lack of warmth, fakeness and passive aggressive behaviour that I've now accepted this is who they are. Yes, it does play on my mind and affect me a lot, I'm just a very sensitive soul, an empath and someone that can't think of hurting others.

We need to develop a thick skin and go low/no contact. DH's brother and his wife were blocked a month ago, and I hardly speak to his parents. No calls, text, nothing. I realized she was jealous of me (I have a successful career and she's never really worked, pretty much idle sitting at home, gossiping on the phone).

His extended family is pretty shit too, I've had such bad luck.

I see myself as the black sheep who will never fit in, I can see through people's mind games and bullshit.

I wish I could be of more help, I know it's easier said than done, but life is too short and we must spend it with people who make us happy. Prioritize YOURSELF and set some clear boundaries. Hope your husband always takes your side 🙏

Sending you lots of love and a big hug!

Original poster

Shiny88 · 12/12/2023 07:22

Thanks guys for your responses.
I will go no contact, remove them all from any social media platform and just not deal with them again.
But will support my DH in what ever his decision is.
The hardest thing is I won't want my DC to be around them either. As they have form of talking bad about other people on the family in front of the persons DC that they are talking about and I worry they will do that with my DC. And I'm not sure my DH will be supportive of me saying DC to go no contact too.
Xx

OP posts:

Olika · 12/12/2023 07:27

Just go no contact and don't make any effort. Perhaps your DH won't end up seeing them that much so your DC won't be either.

shininglight16 · 12/12/2023 09:16

Shiny88 · 12/12/2023 07:22

That's a tricky one OP. My DH told me not to poison DD against his side of the family. I know it's tough but I'll make sure DD isn't close to them. I wouldn't want her there be influenced by them. MIL once told my daughter, that she was her kid not mine. She even told her 'your mom is dumb she doesn't know anything '.

DH says it must have been a joke, it's highly frustrating. I wish I never got married into this joke of a family.

The best way to have your DC to have limited contact with them is by getting them involved in lots of different activities, clubs, hobbies etc. Focus on your marriage and your life's development. Everything else is secondary.

Oh and one more thing, lead a happy and successful life, it will only make them more bitter and jealous! 😄

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