DH is a Sulker. This can go on for days. It can be triggered by a minor or major thing.This weekend our 21 yr dd spoke to me like shit. He had heard all this and had not said Jee where did we go wrong, she will get over herself, that I was wrong or how to be sort this, nothing. I asked to be dropped back home as we were due to food shop .Knowing that I was so close to tears, there was no sympathy from him, just silence and then slight raised voice and disbelief that we are not going ahead with shop and then silence and sulk. This is usual behaviour for him, for instance I could ask him to clear his mess up, sulk . Tell him that I might like something different within a plan for home improvements, sulk and the task never gets done. During the sulks he sleeps in a separate room, away from the house until nightfall, does not speak to kids but does speak to them if they interact with him. His mother he says was a huge sulker. When I point out that it is his style too, he just squirms but insists not like her.
Now I can be hot tempered, loud in a row, wanting the point made clear, then move forward apologising I can take that style of row in return.I will always mean my sorry and
I have told him it cripples me. About 80% of the time I will be the one to make peace, make gestures for hug , either to keep a better atmosphere for family or because I am that emotionally drained, I need someone. Sometimes the silence would be broken when visitors pop by whereby he would hug me aside and all back to normal. I am just all too relieved that it's done despite feeling resentful and weak. Nine times out of ten we do not discuss the sulk/ argument, he side steps it.Sometimes I have let the sulk roll on because I go past the really upset stage , I go beyond caring for a while and then enjoy zoning out of us. I have told him that I think it is borderline abusive ,he has assured me that he has had no idea he was doing it.I have to push for a verbal apology. On occasions where I have been close to ending because I have told him that I find it hateful, hurtful, and will not put up with it if it happens in the future but there is always something that makes me feel sorry for him and forgives. I have also asked that if it is me that makes him unhappy then we should really part. Of course he declares love for me and I sleep walk into the cycle agai
I am tempted to break the ice again as there are loads of things that we would need to be doing as a couple in the run up and over Christmas. I don't want a bad atmosphere for anyone. I am ashamed that it happens, i feel exhausted and ridiculous even discussing it here and my wider family has no idea it happens. I have a very sick elderly dad, two children and other family who I don't want to subject to our misery. Today I just do not want to make it okay with D.H . I want to let him sulk into Easter for all I care but very soon I know I will that desperate to play happy families and hurt that much internally that I will be pandering.