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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Child’s dad highly critical of her.

38 replies

Sadanddisheartened1 · 11/12/2023 20:36

She is 5 and absolutely adores him. She burst with pride and excitement every time she sees him. We live together as a family of 4.

He works unsociable hours so I work PT and do all childcare and everything related. He gets home around 6pm eats, sleeps and heads back to work. it’s our normal.

However, in those short 2 hours he is so critical of her, this evening, she opens her mouth too wide to eat (she is a bit anxious and dramatisation comes into play and she doesn’t mean it, I think she will grow out of it). Next he stood up on a rant about how at the school performance she isn’t to run up to him, cuddle him, just be an excited 5 year old. He said to not be an idiot.

i hated every minute of his rant it made me feel small and I tried to talk to her but she cried asking if dad would still come to the play because I go to everything.

my aibu is, am I wrong to contemplate leaving the relationship over this? I don’t hate him but it’s a reoccurring along with his lack of time.

I told him he was wrong, he told me to mind my own business and he will speak to the kids however he wants as he isn’t hitting them.

OP posts:
Haydenn · 11/12/2023 20:38

If his line for being a good father is not hitting children then the bar is pretty fucking low.

CalistoNoSolo · 11/12/2023 20:39

Well he's clearly a grade A cunt, so yes. Of course you leave him. Calling your own daughter an idiot for being excited to see you is really horrible, beyond horrible in fact. What a truly nasty man he is.

TimeForTeaAndG · 11/12/2023 20:40

He sounds horrible, and yes I would look at splitting up over it.

Lizzieregina · 11/12/2023 20:40

You should have been packing your bags instead of posting here! He’s awful. Your poor little girl. That behaviour is possibly worse than hitting her. Who needs to be so mean to a child? I don’t get it.

Catsmere · 11/12/2023 20:41

He doesn’t even like her, does he? Doesn’t sound remotely like a loving father, or husband for that matter.

Ireallywantsomechips · 11/12/2023 20:41

Has he not heard of emotional abuse? No wonder she's anxious! It will only get worse as she gets older, speaking from experience

YoureALizardHarry11 · 11/12/2023 20:42

Please step in every time he does this or that poor girl will grow up never feeling good enough. What a fucking arsehole.

Sadanddisheartened1 · 11/12/2023 20:45

He has sulked off to his own flat that he runs off to when I call him out.
sorry that was a reply to above comment

yes i do always step in and assure her, compliments etc but still parent properly ie don’t be silly at dinner table etc. it’s his tone, it was just completely uncalled for.

thank you all, i just needed a way to put my own feelings down because between phone calls I feel like it’s now all my fault

OP posts:
Wishitsnows · 11/12/2023 20:45

Poor child being emotionally abused by a piece of shit father. I hope you leave him

wineandmaltesershappyme · 11/12/2023 20:46

Leave leave leave. That poor little girl. He's a grade A super twat and shouldn't be around any children.
I hope she's ok OP, lots of mummy cuddles

ArsetoChristmas · 11/12/2023 20:47

Stand up for her. Put your child above your marriage, he's an abusive arsehole.

Jagley · 11/12/2023 20:49

This is so sad, please show her she is worth more and leave him / tell him not to come back. This is abuse.

Sadanddisheartened1 · 11/12/2023 20:50

We aren’t married thankfully. Separate homes but effectively live together as in he’s always here when they wake up, here 99.9% of the time

OP posts:
ArsetoChristmas · 11/12/2023 20:51

Tell him not to come back. You need to sack off this relationship.

AnonnyMouseDave · 11/12/2023 20:54

May I suggest you change the locks ASAP and only allow him access to your poor daughter if a court orders you to?

CalistoNoSolo · 11/12/2023 20:54

So tell him not to come back, change the locks, pack his shit up and leave it on the doorstep.

paintingvenice · 11/12/2023 20:54

It is 100% not your fault and he’s done a bit of a number on you as well as your daughter for you to even consider that you are in the wrong here.
you have separate homes, separating shouldn’t be too difficult. You and your children but YOU deserve so much better that this complete arsehole.

YoureALizardHarry11 · 11/12/2023 20:55

Sadanddisheartened1 · 11/12/2023 20:45

He has sulked off to his own flat that he runs off to when I call him out.
sorry that was a reply to above comment

yes i do always step in and assure her, compliments etc but still parent properly ie don’t be silly at dinner table etc. it’s his tone, it was just completely uncalled for.

thank you all, i just needed a way to put my own feelings down because between phone calls I feel like it’s now all my fault

Edited

I would go as far as to say leave him. He’s bullying a child, his own daughter no less. What kind of a person does that? It may well damage her irreparably, and now not only that but he’s making it out to be your fault. Toxic prick. You need to protect both her and yourself from him.

elfintinsel · 11/12/2023 21:02

My dad was like that with me. My mum did leave but the damage to my self esteem and value of myself had already been done. Many years after he has died, I still struggle and often believe I'm worthless.
I had the most wonderful mum and extended family but his words have stuck. Therapy is helping but I don't think I will ever fully believe I am a good person.

Sadanddisheartened1 · 11/12/2023 21:07

Elfintinsel, I’m so sorry you have been through this, this is my fear. Today was the first time I’d properly paid attention and her face dropping with every word. Not just listened and intervened but saw.

I hope therapy helps and for what’s it’s worth those who doubt are usually the better people amongst us. I really appreciate your comment, I know exactly that my gut was right to call it a day.

OP posts:
Angelik · 11/12/2023 21:14

My heart aches for your little girl. Get rid of that walker father and show your daughter that she deserves better.

N4ish · 11/12/2023 21:18

He’s a nasty bully. Hope your daughter has a lovely grandfather or uncle in her life so she learns that not all adult men are so awful.

Firebird83 · 11/12/2023 21:19

Leave him. My father was like this and I have low self esteem because of it.

SweetFemaleAttitude · 11/12/2023 21:21

What an absolute horrible piece of shit he is.

Glad you've decided to leave this cruel bully.

Catsmere · 11/12/2023 21:23

I'm glad you don't live together - now, as others have said, change the locks and don't let this nasty specimen back. Is he anything but a part-time cocklodger anyway? Doesn't sound like he adds anything of value to your lives.

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