Having a baby- is there a middle ground?

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Between waiting until you're 37-45, on a 90k salary with 5 figure savings in the bank, a mortgage-free large home and a senior position at work with endless flexibility and benefits.

Vs- having a child when both unemployed, living in a room share, zero savings etc.

I'm sure many people have found themselves in the second situation and managed fine because you have to I suppose. I'm sorry that probably sounds judgemental, I don't mean it like that.

I worry I will never find myself in the first situation, but I am also not in the second one.
I no longer have a partner sadly because he couldn't commit to TTC or give me any sort of timeline as to when it'd happen, and I'm in my 30s.
I earn 31k for a 43 hour week, I am in the civil service so have a good maternity pay and pension. I am now able to save almost £500 per month.
I'd like a child one day, it's a case of finding someone I'm compatible with who also wants that.

Course, most people are in the middle ground.

We have a two bed, two up two down and TTC. Both earn similarly to you. We also rent and aren’t buying until mortgage rates have come down. We are in our 20s- not even late twenties. It’s swings and roundabouts and one size doesn’t fit all.

It’s fine to be 22, 32, or 42 if that is when it’s right for you. You don’t need to earn mega bucks but being able to afford for them: food, clothes, roof over head and childcare (if you work) as a bare minimum as well as ideally, toys, new shoes every couple of months, birthdays and Christmases.

You will make it work. I would say the biggest issue is finding a partner who wants the same thing as depending where you are in your 30s you might want to start trying soon in case of any issues. All the best x

Thank you for your answer. All the best to you too.

Absolutely! I'm 32 with a 19 month old and 10 weeks pregnant with the second! My other half is 27.
He earns roughly 33k, I work part time and earn roughly 17k. Our mortgage is cheap and we have no other debts (our childcare bill is about 360 a month). We actually live reasonably comfortably! (Were in the Midlands, I know it makes a difference!)

We had our first child while renting a poor quality flat in an expensive location, earning about £35k combined, working FT etc etc. It was tough but no regrets at all.
Just found out we are pregnant with second. Now own a house, have a network of support, earning more like £55k combined with a much lower cost of living.
I am glad we had the first when we did, but our financial and work situation at the time we had to wait much longer than we would have wanted to have a second child. So worth considering that, if it’s important to you.

I was 26 when I got pregnant (unplanned) earning around £35k in total. I’ve since been back at work part time since my eldest was 6 months, had another baby and in the meantime doubled my salary so I’m now on £64k for 4 days work.

I’m now pregnant with number 3 at 32.

So I guess I’m the ‘middle ground’ your referring to. I felt too young to be starting a family at the time but now really glad how it turned out as I’ve managed to grow my career while having a young family. I’m finishing growing my family as my friends are just starting theirs.

I’m now planning to coast until my new baby starts preschool and then I’ll ramp my career up a notch.

Most people are in that middle ground! Our first DC was born when I was 31 and DH 38. I was on about £26k a year and DH about £39k. We had a two up two down terraced house.

You can save on so many things when you have a baby. It’s very easy to think you need the best of everything and for it all to be brand new. It’s incredible what you can get second hand these days and also if you want to buy new there’s no reason to get the most expensive version of it.

Unless you are on the absolute breadline and don’t have enough money to look after yourself there is no reason why you couldn’t/shouldn’t have a baby ❤️

Money comes and goes. It's not forever. You can be earning high one minute and then something unexpected happens and you find yourself earning way less or nothing at all. Tomorrow is not promised. Just live how you want to live.

I think this simple advice is something we should all remember, every day.

Not everyone gets to 37-45 earning £90k don't know where your assumption came from. Have the baby since you want it.

Most people are middle ground. I won't ever earn £90k - I don't want the responsibility that comes with that sort of position in my area (not London). We took the leap on 2 salaries of about £50k combined.

Thing is - your situation on the day a child is born is not the same as when they're 5, or 10, or 15. DS is only 5 and in 5 years, we've paid off a fair chunk of mortgage. DH's salary has nearly doubled. The expensive nursery years have been and gone. But it is easier if you can afford the basic things mentioned above.

Personally, I think it’s nearly always a middle ground. Yes, there’s people that desperately don’t want to fall pregnant and then do, there’s those that heart aches for a baby and are doing everything to fall pregnant. For those lucky enough (and i truely believe we’re the very very luckiest) you reach a point in life where you’re unsure. You’re kinda in a good position and kinda want to crack on, but equally not 100% sure whether you should save more. But we dive in and have a baby, and we’re so lucky because it’s a wanted pregnancy and it teaches us that nothing prepares you for it.
Im 29, I’ve got a 2yo and 5 month old. I earn £42k, my husband earns £80k but we live in London. Could we have been in a better financial situation… yes. We had miscarriages along the way and didn’t know whether we’d have healthy babies. Now despite the financial hardship, we could be doing really cool things, living in a bigger house, not living paybcheck to pay check but I hear my just turned 2yo say “goodnight Christmas tree” every night and I know it was the best decision.
I don’t think you ever get to a point where it’s 100% the right time, you always want more stability, money, etc in life. But whenever these little people come, it truely is worth every single penny you no longer have 😂

I saw a post on here the other day which was 'Me and DH worked out asses off in our 20s to make sure we had very senior and flexible positions with high salaries by the time we had a baby in our 30s'. I thought it was quite smug tbh and there are so many people who will never reach these 'very senior ' positions, does that mean they don't deserve to have a child?

Well about 99 per cent of parents are in that middle category so clearly yes..... The main requirement is a partner, not money!

My personal view is that people should only have children if they are going to look after them. If you and your partner both want to prioritise your career and work full time, then don't have kids. Especially if you are going to stick them into cheap wraparound childcare 8 till 6, 5 days a week. I think that is far more important than money.

Really, most children want their parents to be present rather than rich. I've never understood prioritising income over time with your own children. Maybe it's my very working class attitude but I'd rather battle thru with less money & the ability to attend the school stuff, be there when they are sick etc etc. I grew up poor but didn't even realise till I was an adult & looking at old photos with sheets at the windows of our council house instead of curtains - my parents didn't make it a big deal that money was always tight so it wasn't some huge trauma for me or my sister.

Do it when you're ready to give your time & yourself, money doesn't make you a good parent.

I would like to know what do you do for a living. I honestly aspire to be like you. Kudos to you!

We both earn roughly 35k each. It helped to save up enough to top my maternity pay to full (though we didn't have enough for the full yr just 9 months). It's possible