Anyone else sick of people

[Liquorish]

I’m burnt out on them.

They sit and talk, talk, talk. When you try to get a word in edgeways, you’re spoken over and it’s back to them. Or times up, phones out and they’re scrolling pretending to listen to you now they’ve said their bit.

I constantly hear about every ailment everyone has. The rare time I mention something back I’m met with a blank stare and an “anyway... back to me... side characters do not speak...”

I’m tired of listening to the same stories over and over. When the time comes and I need a bit of advice or support back, they swiftly disappear only to pop back up when they need to talk about themselves again.

You’d think I’m talking about one specific person but this is many people I know now.

All for one and none for all.

I’ve given up and I’m becoming one of them.

Has it occurred to you that you are the common denominator in all these interactions?

@ManateeFair I’ll take some advice if you have some to offer.

I do know people like this who dominate the convo / are fundamentally disinterested in me - some of them I root out in early stages when I realise it isn’t a fulfilling friendship or sadly a group isn’t going to work for me - others have emerged at certain times or I haven’t noticed perhaps earlier. I don’t think spending time with folks like this is good for you or your confidence. Can you deprioritise them or are most of ur current social circle like this?
sometimes setting little boundaries within encounters can wake people up - eg if someone just starts scrolling on their phone, you saying - ‘I think I need to be getting going’ etc
I have def tolerated way too much of this myself and I also have this over developed value of listening to people which sometimes enables this type of behaviour - so if any of this resonates - sending support!
Not everyone is like this and it might be worth looking for new connections and being really ruthless early on in not pursued a friendship with anyone showing signs of being like this.

I hear you OP

Yes I know what you mean @Liquorish

I'm really sorry that this has been your experience so far OP. I think it sucks when you are trying to be nice to people and give from your valuable resources and they don't reciprocate how you want/need them to. I think sometimes people see that they can treat you badly or without much consideration and that you'll put up with it so they continue to do this. I can't say I have a good solution but I want to reassure you: you are important, you matter, your voice deserves to be heard. I pray that you find some good companions who respect and value you and your time.

You need to surround yourself with nicer people OP.

To break the mould, no, I really like people on the whole, and don’t even care if they mainly talk about themselves. I enjoy family, friends and colleagues and have found genuinely malicious people are thankfully rare. I’m happy to tolerate minor foibles and quirks.

I think you need new friends

There are 3 levels of conversation, 1. talk about yourself, 2. talk about other people, 3. discuss abstract ideas.

This is true and I really value people who engage with 3, at least occasionally.

Yes, the world has become full
of very self centred and shallow people. I’ve slowly phased those out of my life, less is more with these kind of friendships and anyone else I give a wide berth too.
The older I become, the more I enjoy being out in quiet nature or my own company.

Doesn't bother me, as I don't engage with people like that - they bore me.

If it's a friend and they're talking about something that's clearly important to them , I'd listen and give my opinion / advice if that's what they want.

Don't take it personally, you can choose who you want to engage with. Some people have low EQ - mumsnet is a hotbed for it!😂

Yes. THIS

I've also had it put like this

1. Talk about people
2. Talk about what you did
3. Talk about ideas

I like to talk about no.3. The others are either gossipy, shallow or self centred.

I hear you OP. A lot of people are like this and it is dead boring and I'm sick of it too.
I don't think you should give up and become like them, but rather you need to stay away from people like this. I've also noticed that when I insist on talking about my own interests (3) those people will stay away from me. The more I immerse myself in what actually interests me, the more likely I will find people who are similar, but in the meantime I'm enjoying life instead of putting up with crap.

I’m so fed up of this attitude too.

Nearly all my colleagues are like it. One of them is so bad, such an attention seeker in connection to her own problems, but as soon as anyone else speaks about their issues, the phone comes out and she doesn’t engage at all, or she just walks out! She’s a bloody lazy cow too.

Thanks all for commenting. Glad I’m not the only one and also glad not everyone is sick of them! I love hearing about my family and friends lives, their interests, ideas, even their Christmas shopping. I’ve just felt so fed up with it recently that I’m treated as if I’m nothing but someone to speak at or vent to and nothing’s ever reciprocated.

Some of them are relatives @Fireandsnuggles which is what makes it so difficult! I do believe I have enabled their behaviour and now that I’ve become so aware of it, it drains me even more as I feel torn and rude when trying to correct it and set boundaries.
Sending support back to you! It sounds like you deal with people like this really well.

@Blossomingx I think you have it spot on. Such a beautifully worded reply. I really appreciate it. I will come back to this when I need to hear it most.