To think going home is NOT relaxing?

[Lulumelons1]

When you visit 'home' ie. your parents, do you actually find it relaxing? And what do you usually do together?

Mine are early 60s, retired, healthy and mobile. I visit 3-4 times a year and usually stay for the weekend when I visit. Visits usually involve us all sitting in the living room with the TV on practically 24/7 the whole time I'm there (in the summer we do sit in the garden). I find it so uncomfortable to be sitting down for longer than a few hours at a time. I try to get them out for a walk, or doing an activity outside the house, but they usually decline. Occassionally we'll go out for a meal if it's a birthday or something.

Is this normal for 'relaxing family time?' I find it really tiring just sitting down talking for hours on end, and watching TV, for a couple of days? Everyone else seems to think going home to spend time with family like this is a nice break and meant to be relaxing, but I come away each time feeling drained and groggy? I always need 1-2 days afterwards to get my energy back!

I stopped thinking of visiting my parents as "going home" when I was about 20.

You might need to shift your mindset, OP. Your home is where you live now. Visits to parents can be incredibly dull (depends on your family) - for me it has always been a bit of a chore where I grin and bear it and get through and then bitch about it with DH later. It's good to check in with parents every now and then but if you choose not to, you don't have to thoroughly immerse yourself in their lives, and vice versa.

We lived too far away from both sets of grandparents for them to have much practical input when our children were young, but this is not a decision either of us regret.

Definitely exhausting. It’s a weird dynamic. You’re partly there to perform as their child and make them feel loved and included in your life, partly to let them feel they’re looking after you. Mine likes the idea that she’s giving us a break, but still expects us to set the table, wash up, help tidy after the incredibly elaborate meal, when at home we’d have eaten out or got a takeaway. There’s always either too much alcohol consumed by them, or not enough by us (even both on the same evening). Spare bedrooms are always uncomfortable and miles from the bathroom. Breakfast is never what you’d choose to eat and the coffee is always burnt and overbrewed but great confusion and offence is taken if you don’t want at least two cups of it an hour. God, I’m getting depressed just thinking about the prospect, and I’ve managed to get out of going this Christmas.

My parents are similar. Don't really do much, just carry about their business as usual when we visit. My dad is always off sorting the loft out or chopping wood for the fire, I always think why can't you do that we're not here ffs (he's retired).

Luckily they live close by so we only pop in for a few hours. Can you at least go to a nearby shop to pick up some lunch or something?

If my adult children offered to "take me for a drive" I would be distinctly unimpressed! What do you do with your friends? Theatre? Cinema? Pub? Restaurant? Comedy club?

I get you OP. In my case it's my own fault. I become very lazy once I'm there. Also they live in a village and while I could just about walk to some shops or something, I never do when I'm there so I'm just stuck in the armchair for 16 hours, then not able to sleep because obviously I haven't done anything.
It's better in the summer when you can just go for a walk (I just go by myself).

I used to enjoy visiting my Nan for a few days because we’d just watch tv and chat ( shame she died before gogglebox was invented) and do the crossword. She was in v poor health so couldn’t really go out much. It was a nice break from the hecticness of my normal life. It felt very simple and safe and cozy.

They are very young to be like that OP. They aren't that much older than me.

Thats what I thought too!

Gosh they sure are old for early 60s - sound more like early 80s (no offence to those still running around at 80).
My parents are long passed but no in fact visiting home was stepping up a gear - they were very social and entertained a lot and were involved in the arts so always an exhibit or theatre or concert to go to. Plus going 'home' was a chance to meet up with old friends. I certainly wasn't expected to spend my whole time with my parents - they had things to do so did I!

Yes, I'm early 60s and work two jobs for on average 30 hours a week. I watch TV for a couple of hours a week if that. My dc are only 20 and 22. Funny how life is so different for adults at this age.

Very much so until relatively recently (I'm in my early 50s), though I haven't thought of it as 'home' since I was in my 20s. They used to have a lovely, big house in a nice village and have always been good company. Lots of lively chat, drinks and often games. They are getting pretty elderly now, and my DM has some health and memory problems, which makes it a bit less relaxing, though it's still good to see them.

I'm NC with mine now but it was very similar. The problem is that any suggestions of mine to get out and about were stonewalled, but they would take offence if we went out without them. I have 2 DC who would end up bouncing off the walls, and then there would be tutting about their behaviour 🙄. The weird thing is that when we weren't around they were active- U3A, hiking, day trips here, there and everywhere- they just didn't seem to want to do that stuff with us.

Similarly when they came to visit us- any suggestions of stuff we could do was vetoed unless it was my dad suggesting it. If I did take us anywhere that was my idea, he would just huff and sulk.

My parents would consider it very very rude not to turn the television off when there are visitors around, same applies for the radio.

Normally we get a lot of having meals together and talking and may be, when we are all relaxed and tired, watch a movie together.

If I were in your position OP, I will organise a meal out with them and head back home the next day. They are not that old to show some appreciation and return some interest after you traveled to visit.

@LindorDoubleChoc I think you maybe right about the mindset shift, I'm trying but not sure what it needs to shift to though. I think I just have friends who always seem delighted to be heading off to their parents for a weekend, and always say they have the most wonderful, chilled time and come back feeling refreshed. Which I don't understand.

When we visit family we tend to travel there and back in a single day, but even then with a very disabled parent we still go out or do odd jobs for them, even if it is for a short walk. I could not stand to be stuck sitting down for hours.