How can I get my partner to understand how hard pregnancy is this time round.

[Anon2304]

I, 32f am currently 9 weeks pregnant. DP (34m) and I have one son (5). My first pregnancy was very easy which I am grateful for. I had minimal morning sickness and only took two pregnancy related absences from work in my third trimester. I worked in the city and commuted 5 days a week. obviously it wasn’t all plain sailing, but overall, compared to some peoples experiences, I think it was a okay.

Fast forward 5 years to this pregnancy, it has been so difficult! I WFH now but the fatigue is draining - no matter how much sleep I get I’m exhausted. The ‘morning’ sickness is 24/7. I’m picking at food all day and most if it is coming back up. I have a headache all day because I’m off coffee completely. This, of course, is all adding to the fatigue. I just feel weak all the time.

This week I have a cold. Im struggling to care for DS and have told DP he needs to help more with the school run, swimming and football until this passes. He has helped with school run - I get DS ready and he takes him in the morning but refuses to help with swimming and football. He says I should be able to manage it.

Ive barely been able to make myself a meal. We’ve been having freezer food for the last 3 weeks. DP has been making his own food but too spicy for DS despite my requests to make meals we can all eat if he is going to cook.

Yesterday I asked DP to sort out our son’s pack lunch and mentioned he would need to run to the shop to get some supplies and he blew up at me!

He says Im ungrateful and should stop demanding stuff just because I’m pregnant. He said being pregnant doesn’t mean I can’t be a mother. But when he has a cold he is dead to the world. Heaven forbid we’re poorly at the same time, he still isolates himself in bed for a week and I do everything. Alone.

DP works 4 days a week and has 3 days off (condensed hours).

I want to know if I’m being unreasonable by asking him to pick up the slack while I’m unwell and until this really bad nausea passes.

How can I make him understand how much more difficult this pregnancy is and that I’m not milking it?

If I were you, I think I would consider leaving him and terminating the pregnancy. Because this is who he is. And you'd be struggling with two children doing almost everything yourself.

Just because he doesn’t care it doesn’t mean he doesn’t understand. And he really doesn’t care, because he’s a selfish cunt.

I had one of these in my life and he
never changed for the better, just got steadily worse, along side being abusive. I found it so much easier to parent by myself in the end, rather than have a useless dead weight hanging about doing fuck all.

Please read my post. I said to accept first line treatment first. Then spend some time on Pregnancy Sickness Support and read the actual evidence on ondanestron, you are out of date.

I had it GP prescribed from 5 weeks, as have many, many other women.

Please don't scaremonger about helpful, safe medication by using emotive and inaccurate language like dangerous.

@TheIndecisiveElf I'm not scaremongering neither am I out of date. Read the current BNF guidelines, it advises counselling and discussion due to the risks of cleft palate. As I said clearly, some GPs will prescribe, some wont.

I'm going to stop responding to you green queen if you won't read the evidence I've suggested as you're not helping the OP.

OP, please take the time to read the resources on PSS to get the real picture and there are people there to chat through the evidence with.

@TheIndecisiveElf what evidence? A online support forum? I'm talking about referring to the BNF, the drugs formulary that all prescribers use. Ondansetron works really well for a lot of women in pregnancy, at no point have I said don't use it. I merely stated that the OP and their healthcare provider would need to research and discuss this particular medication a little bit more than others before using it. Likewise will not be responding again to you.

I just wanted to thank everyone for their comments. I wish I could respond to all but I’ve used all the energy I had left in me today to go to DS’s nativity.

i didn’t think I was being unreasonable at all, but I know I’m very hormonal, exhausted and not in the right frame of mind.

Re: planning - The baby was planned and I don’t have any plans to terminate.

re cooking: DS doesn’t eat spicy food so a couple of times a week DP will make his spicy meals as that’s how he likes his food. 5 out 7 dinners DS and I eat separately. Hope this explains it - although I know he’s an a hole for not cooking for son.

re: nausea - thank you all for the recommendations. I will look into all of them and consult my GP too.

re: going to mums - this is an option although she is not local and I have to think about DS school etc

thank you all for the sanity check. Will be speaking to DP tonight with some of your suggestions and see where things go from there.

I recently thought things might be easier alone but wont make any permanent decisions while feeling so unwell.

x

I would be having a termination and I am completely serious.
He knows but he doesn't care, he will always leave you to struggle, always.

He's a shit dad.

I suspect you have picked up the slack with only 1 child to manage. You work, run the home & do 99% parenting but you can cope and so you tell yourself it's ok / normal.

The shit hits the fan when you can't manage or are poorly. The scales have fallen from your eyes and hopefully now you see him for what he is.

If I were you I would reconsider the pregnancy and the marriage.

Just reread and you're not even married. Who owns the house etc?

It frustrates me massively that people have pushed this narrative that we’re pregnant not ill.

It totally minimises pregnancy and allows men to take advantage.

I don't think people on here should be suggesting that the OP terminates the pregnancy, especially since she has said that is not an option. I'm all for pro choice but termination is a very very serious step and not one that people should suggest lightly. I would however say that OP should definitely split from this useless and selfish man.

He's a lazy selfish unkind piece of shit. You are unwell. Go to your mum's and leave 'D'P to actually parent your son for a change. Honestly he sounds so awful if it was me I'd be ending the relationship. He's absolutely useless.