AIBU not to buy presents back?

[Newbie1011]

I have two DC, 3 and 6. We are having a quiet Xmas this year, my DH, 2 DC, my Dsis and Dmum. DH’s family are going abroad and we’ve mutually agreed no gifts exchanged between us.

I was planning to buy for the people we are actually seeing and leaving it at that.

However now some of my wider family like aunt (who has grown up DC) and cousin (who has no DC) have messaged saying they are buying Xmas presents for my DC even though we aren’t seeing each other and where should they be posted to etc. The cousin even asked their clothing sizes!

My DH thinks if they want to send a little something for our kids that’s up to them, it doesn’t mean we have to buy them gifts back, especially since they are not buying for me and DH.

But I think it’s a bit uncomfortable that they are buying for my DC and getting nothing from us in return (because they don’t have kids we could buy for)

I just wish they weren’t sending anything, it’s a bit ridiculous, we don’t see them very much and our DC will have more than enough gifts but I know it would cause more offence than anything to say ‘please don’t send gifts’

DH says if we sent them adult gifts that would be weird as they don’t buy us adult gifts!! Ahhh!

Who is right/ WWYD??

YABU - DH is right, thank them for the gifts but send nothing back

YANBU - you need to send them a gift

I think it’s fine for them to only buy for the children and not receive anything back (I’d send a thank you card), it’s probably quite common.

If you feel uncomfortable or as though you need to send something back and can’t afford it I’d just reply saying gifts are not necessary and you are cutting back.

I see my great niece about twice a year but I still send her a Christmas present. I don’t for one minute expect anything in return. I like to buy for the little ones.

I think you should say please don't feel you need to buy any gifts, they have so much already (which is pretty much true for for all children!). If they still get something then it's up to them

I’d send a “whole family” type gift, like biscuits or chocolates.

I’d feel embarrassed to get a gift from someone I hadn’t bought for, though, which probably informs my answer!

A nice handwriten thank you card & maybe pop latest photos of the kids in if you have one/school photo. That's what I did.

YABU - there are people who buy for my kid who I don't buy for. I know pre-kid i often enjoyed buying for kids but wouldn't expect the adults to buy back for me.

Or just send a box of chocolates or nice biscuits along. There's so many nice Tins of sorts now. It's nice of them to think of the kids. Your dh is being ridiculous and embarrassing by saying they are not buying for you and him. Ick.

I have said yabu, my only caveat to that would be if it's someone who has little other family and you think may not receive anything/ much from other people e.g. if the cousin is not the child of the aunt in question, is an only child, single and their own parents have died - then I'd send a gift.

Send a Christmas card and enclose kids art.

i get my friends kids stuff. It’s fun. Nothing expected back!

I always gift people who gift my children. Feels rude not too.

You dnt buy gifts to receive. I love buying gifts and dnt expect anything in return. My brother said to me afew years back only buy his son he’s not bothered but I refused and said I’m buying because I want too.

my aunts and uncles on one side would buy my kids and and not us and we never use to buy them anything when financially we couldn’t, now we are better financially we do buy them a small token as appreciation.

I think it depends on the circumstances.

My aunts buy for my DC, I don't buy them anything but my mum buys for their grandchildren so that's the reciprocation.

But on the other hand, there are loads of posts on here from childfree members who buy countless presents for nieces and nephews and never get anything back because "let's just buy for the children".

If there's any risk of an imbalance like the second example I'd buy a box of chocolates or something else small from the children to the to relatives.

My aunt sends gifts to my son- I dont buy in return, it’s up to her if wants to send something, I don’t expect her to and always send a nice thank you but it doesn’t occur to return a gift?! If I was to see her at Xmas then yes I would. If really wanted to get something you could do a calendar with pics of your dcs - I always loved getting those of friends kids before had my own