There’s such a long back story to this I’m not even sure where to start.
My half brother (HB) has been low contact for years. He’s 15 years older than me and moved away with his wife when I was about 12 so we only saw them twice a year. However, when he did see me he would make a huge fuss of me (what we’d call love bombing now I suppose). Then when they left I wouldn’t hear from him again. The next time he’d say things that were quite rude/snide and then be gone again.
Some years I’d get a birthday card to ‘my sister’ then no card at all for 6 years. He has form for picking up and dropping people including his DC who are now no contact with him. I tried multiple times to keep in contact with him but by time I was in my 20s he said he “wasn’t doing the family thing anymore” although my Ddad only told me that recently so I had no idea why I was being ignored again and put it down to his usual behaviour.
Since moving out of my parents house I think I’ve seen him 3 times in those 18 years. One of those was my wedding where he said something to my dad about me that made my dad not speak to him for a year. Nobody will tell me what was said. There’s so much more but it’d take a year to write it all!
The last time I saw him was 4 years ago after the birth of my DS, we happened to both visit my parents at the same time. DS now stays with my parents for a few hours once a week while I work. HB happened to visit and DM said he really took a shine to DS. He was playing with him and saying how polite and sweet he was etc. For clarity he sent DS a birthday present for his first birthday out of the blue but nothing since.
This week DM said a huge box had arrived at their house and HB had sent something for DS. I’ve looked and it’s a huge, expensive toy (3ft tall and £100+). It’s made me so upset/angry.
Part of me wants to just get rid of the gift but I know that’s unfair as DS would like it. DH thinks I’m overthinking it and DPs just accept that’s the way HB is. I get that but, but we’re all adults capable of understanding the situation. DS isn’t. I just don’t ever want DS to feel that rejection of being picked up and let down over and over. I feel strongly that it’s my job to protect DS but I don’t know if I’m too close to it and projecting my feelings onto the situation.
Through all this HB still has not sent one text, email, card or contact with me/DH. He liked my FB post with DS at a Christmas event yesterday for the first time in 5 years.
YANBU- keep to the Low contact he instigated, try to nip all this in the bud now, try to get in touch with HB and say thanks but please don’t in future.
YABU- try to guide DS through his own relationship with HB and cushion the falls if they happen?