Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend owes me money but getting her teeth done

27 replies

Peckahminn11 · 11/12/2023 10:56

Recently paid majority of a deposit for a holiday with a close friend for next year as she was struggling to pay for it upfront, so I offered. She owes me £178 and doesn't know if she can give me money this month and I said no worries just give me the money when you have it (She will always give me money she owes).

However, over the weekend she mentioned she's going to London for a consultation about getting porcelain veneers which is costing £3k and she's spreading the cost monthly but paying a large deposit and she's having to pay for it out of her savings. I'm a bit baffled by this because she owes me £178 yet is happy to fork out to get her teeth done... I'm not sure whether to say something to her because I feel it's taking the right piss...

OP posts:
Whattherass · 11/12/2023 11:02

Piss taker, you should mention the money she owes you, you were nice enough to lend it to her when in need.

1smallhamsterfoot · 11/12/2023 11:03

I’d say oh you’ve got some savings send me the money you owe me then thanksssss

SecondUsername4me · 11/12/2023 11:03

"Given you have savings, please send me the balance of your deposit today. I was under the impression you had no spare cash, that's why I was being so accomodating"

tescocreditcard · 11/12/2023 11:07

SecondUsername4me · 11/12/2023 11:03

"Given you have savings, please send me the balance of your deposit today. I was under the impression you had no spare cash, that's why I was being so accomodating"

This - but say it face to face. Definitely not in a message.

Santaiswashinghissleigh · 11/12/2023 11:09

Hi friend, glad your finances are OK now. Can you transfer the 178 today so I have it for Christmas.. Thanks. Op.

Pinkdelight3 · 11/12/2023 11:10

I think a message is fine. You just have to acknowledge that you'd said no worries because you thought she was strapped, but as she's not, you need it back now please.

NoNoNanette · 11/12/2023 11:10

What's the betting the 'friend' will say 'You tight cow' and refuse to pay the money back, and block the OP?

BringMeTea · 11/12/2023 11:13

Yup, very bad behaviour. Scrounger. Get that money back asap.

Pinkdelight3 · 11/12/2023 11:14

NoNoNanette · 11/12/2023 11:10

What's the betting the 'friend' will say 'You tight cow' and refuse to pay the money back, and block the OP?

If she's always paid the money back before, as the OP says, it shouldn't go this way.

Haydenn · 11/12/2023 11:16

I wouldn’t say anything if you know she’s good for the money, I just wouldn’t ever lend her money again

Isobel201 · 11/12/2023 11:21

Surely if she knows that she owes you £178 but can't do it because she's paying a larger deposit towards the veneers, she can put that cosmetic treatment off for another month or two? She's obviously not all there in the head.

LongDarkTeatime · 11/12/2023 11:30

How about “As you’re dipping into your savings please take out enough to repay the loan too so we both feel more comfortable”

LIZS · 11/12/2023 11:32

How will she afford the holiday balance? Maybe suggest it is beyond her to commit if she is prioritising her teeth.

Fraaahnces · 11/12/2023 11:35

I would tell her that she can’t afford it while she owes you money.

BrightGreenMoonBuggy · 11/12/2023 11:37

Send her a message / say ‘Please could you transfer the money I lent you so that you could pay for your holiday? That does need prioritising before you pay for your veneers.’ What a CF.

MontblancTheSecond · 11/12/2023 11:44

And that’s why you don’t lend money to friends. Let this be the last time so you can enjoy the aspects of your friendship that you do like.

Americano75 · 11/12/2023 11:52

Any chance she's taking advantage of some deal on the teeth?

Seaweed42 · 11/12/2023 12:01

"I said no worries just give me the money when you have it"

You've reassured her that you are prepared to wait, that there's no hurry on it.
Next time say 'if you could pay it back before end of December (whatever) that'd be great. Give her a concrete deadline.

Notice your eagerness to offer to pay for things that you need yourself (like to ensure she goes on the holiday) but then resent your generosity later when the warm fuzzies have worn off.

We could call this putting your needs first, but only under the guise of meeting someone else's needs too.

Because you feel guilty booking a holiday for yourself, you really needed to assuage that guilt by offering to lend her money to pay for her part.

It's mood-driven lending rather than a planned loan.

If we tend to never put our own needs first, then we get jealous and hurt when we see someone else putting their needs first.

I'd give her the benefit of the doubt for a week or so and then see.

CasaAmarela · 11/12/2023 12:06

£3k for the consultation or for the veneers? Porcelain veneers are around 1k per tooth.

Tourmalines · 09/05/2024 08:08

CasaAmarela · 11/12/2023 12:06

£3k for the consultation or for the veneers? Porcelain veneers are around 1k per tooth.

That would definitely be for the veneers !

Maddy70 · 09/05/2024 08:14

Ask her if she intends paying you back befure she pays the deposit

Allthesea · 09/05/2024 08:22

If you openly judge her spending choices and basically accuse her of scrounging (no matter how true that may be) you will lose her as a friend.

I would leave it a few days and tell her firmly but politely that you need the money back by the end of the month. Don’t mention the teeth.

She will realise that she has told you about the teeth and cannot claim to be broke, so will hopefully cough up.

Make a mental note never to lend her money again. If for some reason she doesn’t cough up, decide if you want to keep the friendship. If you do, then the next time you’re with her, make it clear the expenses are on her until you’re square. Maybe this means that she will be buying your meals while on holiday, for example.

LittleCharlotte · 09/05/2024 08:23

It is taking the piss..I'd say when you get the money out of your savings could I have that £178 please.

TheFlis · 09/05/2024 08:25

This thread is from last year!

TheFlis · 09/05/2024 08:25

This thread is from last year!