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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it will never get easier

10 replies

tigerlily0 · 11/12/2023 10:50

Knee deep into sleep deprivation with a 6 month old (third child). When I think iv had my worst night, she goes and tops it off with another awful night.

She's ebf and basically is using me for comfort. She's never slept well, had day night confusion to begin with and she's never been a 'sleepy swaddled' baby, she's very active.

I co-slept as she just wouldn't sleep in the next-to-me, so as she's got older iv brought her into bed with me to feed. I don't mind co-sleeping- if she actually slept 😭. I'm barely getting 2/3hrs at night because I can't sleep when shes literally on my boob all night and then when she does sleep I'm on constant high alert knowing she's going to wake soon- and she does. Her naps have gone crap now too. Hubby tries to help with rocking to sleep but most times she just wants me. I love bf but I don't want to do it anymore, I actually feel depressed and iv started getting palpitations due to sleep deprivation.

My cousin has given me loads of resources like 'taking cara babies' but I feel like I follow all the tips like wake windows, bedtime routine etc but it makes no difference at all. Iv tried to not give boob but she just can't self settle and in the end I have to give it.

I just feel so down and sick of trying to follow a routine when I just know and dread the nighttime's knowing she's just going to keep waking so what's the point. Im at my wits end 😭

OP posts:
Sacmagique75 · 11/12/2023 11:08

This is your third child, what did you do with the previous two?

Pinkdelight3 · 11/12/2023 11:13

Do you want to stop ebf? I ended up going away for a long w/e and DH managed the transition so when I came back, there was a fresh start/new era. Any chance of doing that? You're suffering too much to martyr yourself for it. Sounds like you need to get it sorted so there's light at the end of the tunnel and you can see a way out of it, because of course it will get easier. Not short-term maybe, but you're arguably in the hardest bit, especially with three DC. Get all the support you can and don't be afraid to share the load to cope better.

SeulementUneFois · 11/12/2023 11:18

Pinkdelight3 · 11/12/2023 11:13

Do you want to stop ebf? I ended up going away for a long w/e and DH managed the transition so when I came back, there was a fresh start/new era. Any chance of doing that? You're suffering too much to martyr yourself for it. Sounds like you need to get it sorted so there's light at the end of the tunnel and you can see a way out of it, because of course it will get easier. Not short-term maybe, but you're arguably in the hardest bit, especially with three DC. Get all the support you can and don't be afraid to share the load to cope better.

This OP.
There has to be a way out of the misery.

Original poster
tigerlily0 · 11/12/2023 11:18

Bump ❤️

OP posts:
Original poster
tigerlily0 · 11/12/2023 11:24

With my first born he was ebf and literally like this baby in the sense that he always wanted me/boob. But he would go back to sleep and even began cuddling to sleep and would cuddle daddy to sleep. If I even try to pat this baby to sleep she literally gets so annoyed and arches her back and gets worse and worse the more I try and soothe and pat. My second child- I couldn't ebf due to being in hosp so she was combo for 5 weeks until I just stopped bf, she was straight in the cot at 5 months in her own room- would still wake for a feed or just wake but would go back to sleep.

I do want to stop bf now but I feel like it's not going to make much diff , I don't know why. She is taking bottle but sometimes she just refuses it. I feel like she needs to be sleep trained because she wakes after every 45 min cycle and can't self soothe. I don't think I can hack her crying for me. Shes a proper sweetheart, I feel bad because she just wants boob comfort which is what she is used to but I'm really struggling now

OP posts:
SeulementUneFois · 11/12/2023 11:25

I'd say sleep will be much more likely to get better when not ebf ....

alkinetyh · 11/12/2023 11:27

It will get better. Just takes time. My first was an angel second didn’t sleep more than 2 hours straight for 2 years. One day at a time, try not to stress about it, plenty of sugar / coffee / whatever keeps you sane.

Throw out the books and advice because every baby is different. What worked for your other 2 may not work for this child.

I heard once that just lying down with your eyes closed you get 80% as much rest as fully being asleep so when baby is feeding just do what you’re doing, try and rest.

Tiddybiddy247 · 14/05/2024 09:11

This is my exact situation with my 8 month old son. Please is there any hope? How are things for you now? My husband is really keen to sleep train

Original poster
tigerlily0 · 15/05/2024 04:19

@Tiddybiddy247 I actually have another post saying how bad her sleep is. Tbf she did improve as we got rid of sleep associations and gentle sleep training, so basically not giving boob every time she cried as it became a habit. However we went on holiday and that messed it all up and now she has been poorly /teething so wer kinda back to square one. I have 2 other kids and yes it does get better but with time and patience. Every baby is different

OP posts:
Outliers · 15/05/2024 05:02

My child was the same. Try formula.

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