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Original poster

Feeling horrid after second baby’s birth

12 replies

Newmama93 · 11/12/2023 06:31

I gave birth to my second son a week ago. I have cried every day since at missing my eldest (2.8 years old) and realising that those lovely days out we shared every day (going to the beach, parks, walks) are over with. My baby hasn’t liked his capsule or the car so I’ve ended in tears every single outing.

im also grieving for my eldest babyhood, he’s so heavy now, he almost seems like a different child. I’m missing him so much it hurts my heart. I’m also reading comments from so many mumsnetters saying how sad they are when their children grow and how they love them differently? I’m worried my love will change. I’m worried this year I’ll be so consumed with the baby and miss out on probably the last innocent year I’ll get of him. I’m such a wreck. I don’t want these days to be done but they will be so soon and then I’ll just miss them forever? I need help.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 11/12/2023 06:42

You do. Please ask your midwife or hv for it. You're not missing out on anything by having another child, love grows. Seeing the sibling bond is lovely.

MintJulia · 11/12/2023 06:46

I wouldn't worry about your love 'changing'. My ds is 15, he's taller and faster than me, yet I still love him as if he were a baby, and I'd still rip the arms off anyone who tried to hurt him. 🙂

I don't have two children, so I haven't had to split my time, but each of your dcs now has a sibling so they will have more family around them. And you have two arms so room to give both a cuddle at the same time.

Try not to worry. You'll work it out.

determinedtomakethiswork · 11/12/2023 06:48

You have given your older child such a precious gift by having another child. I really think you should speak to your health visitor or GP as this does sound like postnatal depression. Please try not to be upset. You have two lovely children and you are obviously an amazing mum

Original poster
Newmama93 · 11/12/2023 06:49

Do you love him different to when he was young and always wish for the days back?

it’s just a huge adjustment for me. My life just got so easy. He seems so much older, I just want to spend quality time with him like all our days before but I can’t. I feel so so upset that he’s growing up so fast and I can’t hold onto this time and make it last.

OP posts:
HungryandIknowit · 11/12/2023 06:49

I agree with others you need to speak to your GP or health visitor. All the best.

Tryingtohelp12 · 11/12/2023 06:53

I remember my husband crying when we brought our daughter home. Our son was so young (2.5) and he felt we’d ruined his life /his life had changed and he’d had no choice. We’re about to have our third. Not sure what made him feel like that, but it passed. We each make time to spend 1:1 with each child and they are mostly best friends and very loving together. He’s deffo benefitted from having a sibling. You will get used to getting out and about with 2,! Good luck cx

ChristmasSugarplumFairy · 11/12/2023 07:01

Having a second baby is like becoming a first time mum all over again IMO, the adjustments are that huge. You had the "mum" thing cracked and now you are outnumbered and the game has changed!
You will work out how to play the new game though and it will be wonderful too.
My boys have a similar age gap and nothing made my heart soar more than when DS1 shambled over to give newborn a kiss on the head and tell his brother he loved him. Now the baby is 16 months and he will toddle over to his big brother to give him a kiss and cuddle too!
I was lucky that we have involved grandparents so I was able to leave baby with them the odd afternoon to focus on DS1. Life did change but now that baby is bigger it is starting to resemble how things were again as kids are eating the same food and enjoying more and more of the same activities and able to play together.
You have so much to look forward to, OP. Congratulations on your new baby son 💐

WonderingWanda · 11/12/2023 07:03

Give yourself a bit of time op. It's a big change going from one to two. Would you have attempted to take a newborn and a toddler out within a week of giving birth when you had your first? I know life carries on with the second baby but you have just given birth, don't try and do too much. I remember my toddler looking like a giant when I came home and I had to spend so many hours feeding my newborn and I felt so much guilt. I had lots of tears too but it passed. Remember newborns are really tough the first few months but they adjust to the world and stop screaming when you put them down. 6 months down the line your new baby will possibly be sitting up or starting to crawl and will be fascinated by their older sibling. It's just that right now it's all a big change. Also it can take some time to bond with a new baby, it doesn't have to be instant. Be kind to yourself op.

Original poster
Newmama93 · 11/12/2023 08:20

Thanks for the replies. I just can’t stop crying almost grieving my first born. Seems like before I know it he’ll be in school and these years will be gone. I keep reading people saying the versions of their small children aren’t people they know anymore and I keep thinking how am I going to let these kids I love so much go

OP posts:
Blessedbethefruitz · 11/12/2023 08:27

This hit me a few days before the birth of my second, on my oldest's third birthday. It stuck around for a couple of weeks and then it eased. I love hom exactly the same, maybe even more if it's possible. He is lovely with his little sister (they're now almost 2 and almost 5), she follows him around and they play cars or peppa pig together, and he helps her pick snacks from the cupboard. They're just lovely together. It helps that both are still co sleeping with me so I'm smothered in cuddles and physical contact.

It sounds like your hormones are still running wild. Mine did for a couple of weeks, although less with the second. Just take a breath, snuggle with your babies. Seek help if it continues. It's a huge change for you all, but your oldest is still the same snuggly person, and will be needing heavy snuggles for years yet!

Mariposista · 11/12/2023 08:51

OP your love for your eldest won’t decrease, you will just see family a different way. It’s amazing how much capacity for love we have.

and of course you can spend one on one time with your oldest boy. Leave the baby with dad for a couple of hours and have some mummy-son time together. He will need this as much as you - becoming a big brother is a huge thing for a young child.

superplumb · 11/12/2023 21:23

Please speak to your mw. It's very early days. I have two boys 2 year apart and I remember feeling really weird when I came home ( after 3 days in hospital) my eldest was freaked out at his baby brother, weird towards me because he prob thought I had abandoned him. It was such a hard time. I was physically and mentally unwell and was really honest about this with my gp.
I remember thinking how big my eldest was compared to my newborns tiny little bum when nappy changing. It does pass. There I'd a big adjustment for all of you and in time you will feel better. I promise x

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