Christmas

8 replies

LonelyandsadChristmas · 11/12/2023 04:34

Posting for traffic.
Every year about this time I get down about Christmas. Its about family, friends and loved ones.
I've been with 'partner ' for over 4 years. Never spent Christmas together. He spends with his dad, sons or family. Lives around an hour and a bit away. Last year with his dad and sister (single) and her family, this year with his dad and his adult sons (single).
I'll be with my son who has massive anxiety, potentially asd (never diagnosed)and chronic ocd. He'll spend most of the day in his room.

My brothers naturally with their family. My 2 friends naturally with their family.

I'm great at social chit chat but struggle with actual friends myself, socially I don't go out much.

I'm usually lonely and sad and need to do something but not sure what.

Aibu to feel so down

OP posts:

WhereIsBebèsChambre · 11/12/2023 04:38

Would you go to be with him and his family if invited or would your son tolerate him at yours?

Lurkingandlearning · 11/12/2023 04:48

No you’re not. Spending Christmas alone, knowing most people are enjoying themselves with their family and friends, takes some getting used to. It’s got to be worse when your partner goes off for the holiday and leaves you to it. It’s sad your son prefers to be in his room. It must make it feel a lonely time for you.
The only thing I can suggest is spoil/ treat yourself. Make sure you have your favourite food and do things you really enjoy- particularly things that are absorbing and will make time pass quickly. I hope you’ll have a Christmas you can enjoy even if it isn’t how you’d really like it to be

YireosDodeAver · 11/12/2023 05:13

Spending Christmas alone does sound miserable.

Do you have asd or other neurodiversity yourself? If DS is suspected and given there's a genetic component your own social struggles may be connected.

Do the various nice people in your life actually know that you would like to be invited to join them? What would a good Christmas be like for you and DS?

Original poster

LonelyandsadChristmas · 11/12/2023 08:51

My son wouldn't go. I'd then feel guilt since he would be alone.

OP posts:

Original poster

LonelyandsadChristmas · 11/12/2023 08:52

Thanks for replies. Just feeling sorry for myself. I need to buck myself up again and remember that many struggle at Christmas.

OP posts:

Pollyparkin · 11/12/2023 08:54

I've literally just seen a Facebook post about a guy who puts on a hike o. Christmas Day for those on their own at 10am. Something like that might be a nice positive start to the day then spend the afternoon indulging yourself with your fave foods and a drink or two of your choosing that's more fancy than usual and maybe agree with your son to watch one thing on tv together ? Plan it by the hour so it's not looming large maybe ? Sending love

RedHelenB · 11/12/2023 08:56

LonelyandsadChristmas · 11/12/2023 08:51

My son wouldn't go. I'd then feel guilt since he would be alone.

I would nt. Not if he stays in his room anyway, he won't feel any differently. But you will.

Ilovethewild · 11/12/2023 09:02

Op, if your son is an adult he may well be fine being on his own. Neuro diverse brains think differently to neuro typical brains.
the idea of what Christmas should be is more prevalent in NT,
the desire to do what works is for ND,

if son is happy in his room, he is unlikely to ‘miss’ you or worry about being alone on Christmas Day. It may just be another day for him, he may not need or want Christmas in the same way as you.

choose to be happy and find a way to make a Christmas that you want.

Flip