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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not tell my employer I’m pregnant?

8 replies

SillyBilly1993 · 10/12/2023 22:46

I’m 20 weeks pregnant and am due to move into a new role and team within my organisation in a week.

I work in an office, but at a different location from managers and colleagues I work with day to day so have managed to hide my pregnancy so far.

I need to tell my employer that I’m pregnant by mid-January in order to get my legal entitlement to maternity leave.

I’m worried that if I say that I’m pregnant on my first day in the new team next week then I will make a bad first impression and won’t be allocated the most challenging and high profile work opportunities (it’s a male dominated team).

But I’m also worried that if I don’t say anything then I will be allocated work that I can’t complete e.g. it might involve travel in late pregnancy. And when I tell them in mid January then my new managers might be annoyed that I’ve left it late for them to plan ahead and arrange cover.

AIBU if I wait to tell them until mid January?

YABU - You should tell them next week.

YANBU - Wait as long as possible to tell them.

OP posts:
user628468523532453 · 10/12/2023 22:52

Well I might not tell them on my first day as my introduction - "hi, nice to meet you, I'm pregnant" is a bit much maybe.

But I probably wouldn't leave it until mid January either.

whitebreadjamsandwich · 10/12/2023 22:53

They're probably going to have feelings whichever way you do it, tbh. I'd just tell them asap

ActDottie · 10/12/2023 23:15

I’d tel them on day one of the new role.

I changed teams to a new role in May and found out I was pregnant. I told my new manager at 7 weeks because I was off being sick! I barely new my manager at the time and I felt so guilty having just joined the team, but honestly it was fine.

I’d tell them on your first day, it just helps everyone plan better and they can’t treat you differently or discriminate against you for being pregnant so the law is on your side.

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/12/2023 23:20

Surely you wouldn't be given the most high profile and challenging work in your first week in a new role anyway!

theduchessofspork · 10/12/2023 23:20

Don’t tell them on your first day - you don’t want that to be their first impression of you - it’s not something anyone actively wants to hear from a new team member.

But tell them a couple days before you break for Christmas. (Unless you think it will disadvantage you, in which case do leave it till Jan)

SillyBilly1993 · 10/12/2023 23:39

Thanks for the replies, to clarify that I’m looking for advice on when to tell the team manager.

I wouldn’t tell the rest of the team until shortly before I go on leave, there’s no reason for most of them to know as it won’t affect their work.

I would normally expect to be given access to high profile work from early on as I have experience in the area and have made this move knowing that the team has interesting work coming up that I would be suitable for.

OP posts:
SillyBilly1993 · 10/12/2023 23:43

It’s relevant to say that I’ve previously heard male colleagues in my organisation make negative comments when pregnant women or women on maternity leave get development or promotion opportunities. The ratio of men to women on the team is around 5:1, so I’m quite worried about my reception. I tried to organise the move to this team months ago, it’s just bad luck that it’s taken so long.

OP posts:
arecklessmanor · 10/12/2023 23:44

In that case I’d go with @theduchessofspork advice.
I told my line manager early on due to sickness but no one else in the team until much later, definitely after the anomaly scan.

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