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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Xmas card Saga

30 replies

MiLou15 · 10/12/2023 22:02

AIBU?
Background is: I have a son from a previous relationship who is now 12 y/o. I married my husband a few years ago and we have recently welcomed a baby girl. The in laws have always been welcoming to my son and thoughtful when it comes to bday/xmas. This year (since my daughter has arrived) I’ve noticed a shift in the relationship. The MiL is very hands on with her other grandchildren but she won’t need to be with my daughter as my parents are helping me whilst I go back to work (which is fantastic!). We recently received Xmas cards. One addressed to my son and the other addressed to Mr & Mrs (our last name) with my husbands name, mine and our daughters. WTF it feels like they are excluding my son from our family. (Or she is as she wrote it!). Advice would be appreciated as I feel upset. My husband doesn’t think it’s an issue.

OP posts:
ElevenSeven · 10/12/2023 22:11

Did they get him a special card, eg grandson?

Snugglemonkey · 10/12/2023 22:13

If it was a special card to him, fair enough. Otherwise, it is downright nasty.

Confusedmeanderings · 10/12/2023 22:17

But I don't think they are excluding him. They've sent him a card of his own. That's lovely. Presumably they think your DD is too young for that at the moment.

Keilagh · 10/12/2023 22:18

Maybe it’s because your son is old enough to open his own card and your DD isn’t yet

GreenCereal · 10/12/2023 22:18

I don't know - if they have been as welcoming as you say with your son, maybe they thought he'd like his own card? My parents do this with my kids, so they get some post with just their name on it.

RudsyFarmer · 10/12/2023 22:20

This seems pretty common. Playing grandparents until a biological child comes along who is actually blood.

Has your son got your parents and his bio dad’s parents in his life?

Original poster
MiLou15 · 10/12/2023 22:26

No it was a normal Xmas card

OP posts:
Original poster
MiLou15 · 10/12/2023 22:28

That’s what I thought at first but then I keep thinking why can’t they just stick us all in one card?

OP posts:
Original poster
MiLou15 · 10/12/2023 22:29

No unfortunately

OP posts:
Original poster
MiLou15 · 10/12/2023 22:32

Yes he does. I don’t understand why they can’t just stick us all in one card? It’s not like it was a special card either

OP posts:
Anneta · 10/12/2023 22:38

I think that you’re reading too much into this. Your son is old enough to open his own card and they have sent him one of his own. I do this with my grandchildren… a card to the parents and one to each of the children. Obviously your baby daughter is too young yet but I expect in time they will send her a separate card too. You say that they have always been welcoming and thoughtful to your son, so why would that change now?

BrightLightTonight · 10/12/2023 22:38

I think they are sending him a special card - just for him, rather than something else he has to share with his new sister.

I think it's really thoughtful of them

tomatoontoast · 10/12/2023 22:40

I think she's been very good to him thus far.

Maybe she thought he would appreciate his own post.

Assume positive intentions unless you're sure of the opposite.

Namenamchange · 10/12/2023 22:44

Maybe she thought he’d like to open something.

sounds like you’re trying to create a drama where it’s not needed.

if you’re concerned doesn’t to her

Namenamchange · 10/12/2023 22:45

MiLou15 · 10/12/2023 22:32

Yes he does. I don’t understand why they can’t just stick us all in one card? It’s not like it was a special card either

Ask her!

SnoozeToMe · 10/12/2023 22:47

We always got our own cards from our GPs once we were old enough, I bet that’s what your MIL is doing. It’s early days, maybe wait and see if they treat him the same as always.

ItAintGonnaGoDownEasyIfItAintCheezy · 10/12/2023 22:48

How are they excluding him if he's got his own card? Confused

At that age its exciting and a novelty to start getting your own post.

Beautiful3 · 10/12/2023 23:06

My neighbour does this. She said it's because my eldest can open her own card. I think the heart's in the right place.

Original poster
MiLou15 · 11/12/2023 09:07

Thanks all for your comments. I’m not trying to make a drama out of it (which is why I thought I would put something on here!) amongst people I don’t know. I just felt a bit confused as this hadn’t been done before.

OP posts:
Original poster
MiLou15 · 11/12/2023 09:08

the pure fact I’m on here asking a bunch of strangers rather than anyone I know means im not making a drama!

OP posts:
crumblingschools · 11/12/2023 09:11

What other things have you noticed? Do you know what they are getting him for Xmas, is it similar value to previous years?

determinedtomakethiswork · 11/12/2023 09:25

What did they do last year?

LindyLou2020 · 11/12/2023 09:44

I thought the title of this thread - "Xmas card Saga" - meant that you were customers of Saga the insurance company, and they send you Christmas cards 🙈
I thought "ah, how nice of them" 🙄

Bertiesmum3 · 11/12/2023 09:51

Do they usually give your son an individual card?

Chocolatelabradorsarethebest · 11/12/2023 09:52

Personally I think this is her making a massive extra effort to do something special for him and give him his own card now he's older. My grandparents would give us individual cards as we were older.

If she hadn't included him at all and just sent the card addressed to you, your DP and your new baby then, yes, she'd be excluding him.

I know MN loves to MIL bash, but I don't think she's done anything wrong!