To have felt safer in a dark alley because I had my child with me??

[willywallaby]

I had a weird experience tonight

I walked DD5 home from a playdate, only 5.30 but dark out. I was following Google maps and it said to go down a pathway that was a fence on one side and the wooded area of a park on the other. We'd already gotten lost and doubled back on ourselves a couple of times and DD was exhausted so I took us that way rather than finding another way. Towards the end of the path a man emerged from the woods (shadowy figure) and joined the path, walked past us.

What was weird is that I'm always so scared when out alone at night, more so than anyone I know. But in this case:
I was absolutely fine on the streets
Slightly nervous on the pathway
Walked a bit quicker and pulled DD closer when I saw the man

But if I was alone I would have:
Been nervous on the streets
Taken a huge detour to avoid that pathway or RAN down it if that wasn't possible
Turned and ran the other way when I saw the man

But there is nothing whatsoever about having a child with you that makes you safer, you'd think I'd be more concerned for her safety than my own so why did having her with me make me feel so much more confident?

It might be that subconsciously you feel you need to be the protector for your child. So you then feel less unsafe.

This.

Because you’re probably less likely to be attacked if you have a child with you. A lone person is more vulnerable. Yes, there are exceptions- several famous ones I can think of.

Exactly. In my first teaching job I picked up a spider and took it outside before I'd even realised I was doing something I would normally be wary of. If not actually terrified.

Having a child with you may not make you safer* but it makes sense that you wouldn't feel as unsafe. Rather than being alone in your own head, worrying about what might happen, you're focusing on your child and interacting with them.

*Actually, it seems possible that you really might be less likely to be attacked when you're with a child. From a potential attacker's point of view, it's more awkward to mug someone with a child. The child will react unpredictably. The parent will behave differently, trying to protect the child. You have two people you need to control. If I were a bad person, I'd probably hang back and attack someone on their own.

Because on a very primal level, we expect people to protect children.

You felt safe because, subconsciously, you believed that a would be attacker would have left you alone.

The same reason that, if you're scared of flying, you miraculously become less scared when the person next to you is more scared of flying. You take on the protector role and that makes you brave. I've often wondered if that's why men can seem "braver" (on the face of it!). They're put into the protector role early and automatically - like the adult in your situation, and women automatically put themselves in the "being protected" role - like the child. Do that enough over the course of a lifetime and I think it adds up to us being more fearful in situations where we don't need to be. Obviously there are actual risks for women and girls, and I'm not minimising this, I'm mainly talking about things that are equally risky to men and woman, like being scared of spiders or abseilling or skiing or race car racing etc.

I'm not a mum yet but think I get it-some situations just make you feel a bit more protected whether or not that's true.

You'd expect as a reasonable person that most potential casual attackers would keep a child out of it either out of decency or expediency. You may think 'it would usually take a seriously callous or sadistic person to involve a child in an attack and most people are driven to crime by circumstance rather than desire so they'd be more likely to walk past. It could be a lot riskier for them even if it left the mum a bit more distracted'.

A bit like exercising at night for me in running clothes. I'm not an athlete and know realistically that most men could outrun or overpower me physically if they so chose so the risk would be there still but I would feel purposeful and as though they would be less likely to go for me when unencumbered by say work bag, laptop, going out clothes etc so I would feel safer.

As I say no idea whether these thoughts have ever deterred any potential attackers andnim.not a shrinking violet either way but its changed how I've felt compared to walking home say from the pub.

Because you need to put on your big girl pants and be brave for your child.