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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask how you'd support your diabetic child in first job?

21 replies

YouBelongWithMe · 10/12/2023 19:09

Last Boxing Day you all urged me to take my teen son to A&E where he was admitted and spent nearly a week, after a T1 diabetes diagnosis.

Fast forward nearly a year, and he's now a happy, confident, healthy 16.5yr old who secured his first part-time weekend job in Greggs. He started at the beginning of Oct, so he's been there nearly three months.

He manages his T1 diabetes pretty well, but still has the odd hypo as all T1 diabetics do.

Today he had his second hypo at work. He told his manager and went to sit down and eat something and let it pass.

He says that both times it's happened, he's informed her he's having a hypo and needs to treat it immediately and she's "just looked at him and says nothing". She literally doesn't acknowledge it at all, she doesn't say okay, doesn't ask if he's okay afterwards, it's like it doesn't happen, although she's not actively saying he can't either.

He's savvy enough to know that this is a bit weird/off and she's probably not that happy. To give context, he was interviewed centrally in our city and she wasn't part of the process, but he did disclose his diabetes in the interview and was assured it wasn't an issue.

My first instinct is to go all Mama Bear and go and speak to her. However, he's 16 and I know this is something he needs to learn to navigate on his own.

My next suggestion is to ask her for a chat when he's not having a hypo, off shift, and bring up the topic to see if she understands what a hypo for a T1 diabetic means. He's obviously nervous about this but also gets that something probably needs to happen. He shouldn't feel bad about having hypos, or worrying about having them on shift, and that's how he's starting to feel.

How would you approach this? What would you encourage him to do? Hoping the hive mind can give him some great ways in.

OP posts:

CyberCritical · 10/12/2023 19:18

Yeah definitely don't show up and speak for him, one of the main reasons besides money for having a job as a teen is to learn how to navigate these situations.

So my first thought, is does he really need to address it? She might not be effusively happy about him taking a break but she's not stopping him from taking care of himself and reacting to his glucose levels when he needs to, and she's not performance managing him or causing him any problems, so is there really a situation to address?

Stormyseasallround · 10/12/2023 19:20

Mother of a T1 teen here. As hard as it is, I think he needs to do this himself. He could try asking her, when non-hypo, whether he could come in for a chat with her off-shift to make sure that all health and safety stuff around his T1 has been signed off, and then give her some crib-notes about the main things she needs to know.

Original poster

YouBelongWithMe · 10/12/2023 19:24

Yeah I defo won't be involving myself.

Maybe you're right, maybe nothing needs to happen. I just feel like he's been made to feel like this is an issue and there's implicit disapproval in her silence, and that's not really fair. He's fairly adept at picking up social cues and knows something feels off - for example he had low blood with a supervisor who reacted totally different, urging him to go and sit down and treat it and not to worry. Maybe I'm expecting too much from his manager?

OP posts:

gm2023 · 10/12/2023 19:24

Do Diabetes UK do a fact sheet about this? It seems this woman really has no clue how serious this is and it’s not a case of a young lad skiving!

user628468523532453 · 10/12/2023 19:25

Stormyseasallround · 10/12/2023 19:20

Yeh agreed. She may just have no idea what a hypo is, so it would be a good idea to have a low key practical conversation.

TheActualDuck · 10/12/2023 19:26

T1D is covered by the Disability Discrimination Act and a large company like Greggs should know this and make appropriate adjustments for your son.
I'm not sure what his next steps should be but I'd definitely be encouraging him to get this recognised at a more formal level possibly contacting HR at head office himself.

x2boys · 10/12/2023 19:27

If m also the parent of a newlk diagnosed ( Last February.) Diabetic 16 year old I guess he needs to let her know that you don't mess around with diabetes if his blood sugar, r are too low or to h?igh then he has to do what he has to
My son has a,Dexcom and a,student teacher said at college said he needed to leave his phone at the back of the classroom he told her firmly he had to be within 6ft of it at all times .my son was in severe DKA when diagnosed so he doesn't take any chances

user628468523532453 · 10/12/2023 19:28

He could be reading that into her silence because he's worried himself. He's not a mind reader.

I wouldn't expect a manager to have any knowledge of T1 diabetes. It's not a medical setting so unless she's had personal experience or very detailed first aid training, why would she understand what a hypo is?

x2boys · 10/12/2023 19:30

gm2023 · 10/12/2023 19:24

Do Diabetes UK do a fact sheet about this? It seems this woman really has no clue how serious this is and it’s not a case of a young lad skiving!

Tbf most people have no.idea
I had no.idea untill.my son. Was disgnosed what a,precarious condition it can be.

user628468523532453 · 10/12/2023 19:31

TheActualDuck · 10/12/2023 19:26

It's the Equality Act 2010.

Why would you leap to contacting head office when you haven't first explained to your manager what a hypo is, how it's treated, and what happens afterwards.

Have the informal conversation before going in all guns blazing.

Sprinkles211 · 10/12/2023 19:42

He should have a risk assessment put into place for working covering what the procedure is to support him, this should also include lone working and details of what to do and who to contact in a medical emergency

MortifiedSeptember · 10/12/2023 19:43

My first job as type 1 diabetic, my manager over reacted to hypo I had. At my current job, I found it a relief when a manger didn't make a big deal out of it. Just said let me know if you need anything.

I'm an adult, which is vastly different to a relative recent diagnosed type 1 teenage diabetic. Is there a chance his manager was trying not to make a big deal out of it and try to normalise it?

Hypos are a normal life event for type 1 diabetics (or at least my life). As long as she didn't prevent him from getting treatment and didn’t rush him after treatment. Sometimes hypo symptoms take a lot long to disappear than other time. She might be taking the normalise it approach.

TheActualDuck · 10/12/2023 20:01

user628468523532453 I stand corrected regarding the Equality Act, thank you.
I'm not sure why you interpreted my post as 'all guns blazing'.
I see no reason why he would not want to be clear about provisions offered by the company for his condition, he won't be the only T1D working for them and I'm sure they would want to ensure consistency across the board.

Spacecowboys · 10/12/2023 20:13

I don’t think anything needs to be said. The manager does not object to him taking time out to manage his hypos. She probably isn’t interested in being well informed about type 1 diabetes. Of course it’s a big deal for your son but it won’t be for anyone else. Into adulthood, he probably won’t even feel the need to tell employers he has type 1.

Birch101 · 10/12/2023 20:20

Sorry but she's not exactly a manager if she has been told something about a staff member and hasn't done some research. Maybe she just doesn't know what she can / cannot say which is a lack of HR training.

When does he have his next work review? Is it a temp for Christmas Job or long term

He hasn't been disciplined, I would just make a casual remark such as thank you for being understanding about my odd hypos. I'm not sure if you have any experience with diabetes but I appreciate the privacy to manage it as needed, feel free to ask any questions.

HonoriaLucastaDelagardie · 10/12/2023 20:25

Maybe she assumes ds will tell her anything she needs to know about managing his diabetes.

Maybe she doesn't ask questions or make any comments because she doesn't want to appear intrusive, or embarrass him by drawing attention to his diabetes.

What do you think she should be doing that she hasn't done?

SkyFullofStars1975 · 10/12/2023 20:26

I'd say she's trying to be kind and not bring any attention to him.

10HailMarys · 10/12/2023 20:28

Has he actually explained exactly what his condition is and what having a hypo means? Most people aren’t going to have any idea what it is. He needs to have a proper conversation with his manager if she doesn’t understand what’s going on when this happens.

Also, I would add that, although she obviously has to let him take time and do whatever he needs to do to manage a hypo… she isn’t obliged to offer kind words or sympathy. If she was a decent human being she would, of course. But provided they’re complying with legislation they don’t have to.

romdowa · 10/12/2023 20:34

Have you looked into a continous glucose monitor like the free style libre or the deccom? They are amazing and could help him avoid hypos altogether by alerting him before he goes below a certain level.
As for his manager I'm going to guess that she has no idea what a hypo means but as long as she's not stopping him from taking a break to treat the hypo then there's not much can be done.

Stormyseasallround · 10/12/2023 20:36

I also try to remember that we were all lucky enough to be ignorant about T1 before it impacted our own lives. She probably has no idea about what it involves or how serious it is - I didn’t. Shes almost certainly not acting out of malice.

Original poster

YouBelongWithMe · 10/12/2023 20:40

He's recently switched to Dexcom because Libre was always wildly inaccurate for him. Sometimes out by as much as 5! He does use it but even he's only on his second one and it's still not brilliantly accurate so he feels the need to check with fingerprick anyway. Maybe that'll improve as he gets more used to Dexcom.

He says she's really friendly and chatty otherwise - they talk about films and TV shows and have regular work-place chat, which is why her silence feels especially jarring I think.

But I absolutely concede she may not know what to say and is waiting for him to take the lead. I'll suggest he has a casual conversation about it - it's the anniversary of his diagnosis on boxing day so that should be an easy way in, when they're chatting holiday plans.

It's not a temp role, he's got a 12h permanent contract.

OP posts:

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